Author Topic: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close  (Read 22749 times)

anniegirl

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FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« on: March 10, 2015, 12:25:31 PM »
This was just shared on the YWBB FB group. They gave permission to share.

We have faith that with all the new technology and social networks, the newbies will find their way, just as we found ours. the site wasn't there when I lost my husband. I had noone to connect with, no local groups, and nothing on line. I created it out of need. that will happen again. In fact, there are so many wonderful online resources now, we felt that everyone would find their way and be in good hands. It was a really hard decision and there were many board discussions about how to address our future. Please know we have always had everyone's best intentions in mind, and it's not that we stopped caring or have moved on and forgot about anyone. I am so beyond touched that this little idea of mine has grown to help so many. I'm glad I was able to help. Now I am helping in other ways, I run several local young widow support groups in my area. You and your buddies and the newbies.... I assure you someone will step up and create something even better than the ywbb. it was amazing at the time, but its time, not ours, has come. Thank you for reading this and understanding that it was a business decision made based on many factors that not everyone is aware of. Please feel free to share this message. thank you, Lauren
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HvnBound

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2015, 12:40:25 PM »
I received the same exact message when I sent her a FB message.
"It's time to start living the life you've imagined."

  --  Henry James

Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order
to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you.
  -- Unknown

OSAAT

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2015, 01:56:53 PM »
This is exactly what I suspected. Glad someone was able to get the message and post it here.
Thank you! And she was right. People stepped up out of desperation and did a wonderful job. I thoroughly enjoy this forum and layout. It is much more user friendly. I am quite sad at the loss of the history, but I have had to learn to go with the flow. It's not always easy, but it is the best option for me.

singinmomo4

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2015, 03:54:25 PM »
Agree completely with kmouse.  This board has the ability to be everything YWBB was and more.  We have wonderful people who have stepped up to moderate the forum, something many believed would be a big help.  New widows trying to join would often have weeks or even longer before their account would be approved, something that shouldn't happen now.  YWBB saved my life and many others and all of that support and love has carried over to here and I'm grateful. 

Glad to be part of the new WIDDA!!!!
Rick, an amazing husband, father, fisherman & fisher of men with a servants heart who served God every day. ReRe, miss your smile & twinkle in your eye.

Baylee627

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2015, 04:35:10 PM »
Our site has changed, but our sense of community has not. I miss the ywbb, but it was certainly perceptible how little attention was being given to monitoring it by admin and mods (for a variety of undisclosed reasons).

Baylee
« Last Edit: March 10, 2015, 06:05:58 PM by Baylee627 »
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

BrokenHeart2

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #5 on: March 10, 2015, 04:50:09 PM »
Sorry but this Lauren sounds pretty arrogant. How many times did she state I in her message?  Business decisions based on many factors that we are not aware of, who's fault is that?  I guess "you and your buddies and newbies....."  Really, just wow.  This one is a grief counsellor hmmmm. Us little pions will find our way.
Please don't get me wrong, I am not even the least bit belittling the amazing work done by Jess and others to get this site up and running. I am extremely thankful that you did this.
There, I feel better now :)
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

MissingSquish

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2015, 05:39:10 PM »
I am glad that there was some sort of official statement released.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

Stargazer74

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #7 on: March 10, 2015, 05:39:33 PM »
Ok, I'm going to throw my $0.02.  I applaud the founders for creating the forum way back when.  It was a good idea then, and it's a good idea now.  The first part of her message kind of rubs me the wrong way though, "We have faith that with all the new technology and social networks, the newbies will find their way, just as we found ours. the site wasn't there when I lost my husband. I had noone to connect with, no local groups, and nothing on line. I created it out of need. that will happen again. In fact, there are so many wonderful online resources now, we felt that everyone would find their way and be in good hands."  I am sorry for your loss, and I do mean that, because my grief is still fresh.  Yeah, we did find our way, and one day that was taken away without any warning or good way to regroup.  I think we all would have been a lot less traumatized if it had been announced and we could have made plans and got everyone notified of a new plan.  It was a really hard decision and there were many board discussions about how to address our future. Please know we have always had everyone's best intentions in mind, and it's not that we stopped caring or have moved on and forgot about anyone.   Ok, so if there were board discussions, you guys PLANNED on terminating like that?  I am so beyond touched that this little idea of mine has grown to help so many. I'm glad I was able to help. Now I am helping in other ways, I run several local young widow support groups in my area.   Well congrats, here's your pat on the back.  BTW, everyone who is sitting behind a computer screen and posts though tears here is a real person too.  You and your buddies and the newbies.... I assure you someone will step up and create something even better than the ywbb. it was amazing at the time, but its time, not ours, has come. Thank you for reading this and understanding that it was a business decision made based on many factors that not everyone is aware of. Please feel free to share this message. thank you, Lauren  Yes, we have admins now who get it, and this experience will likely ensure that this kind of heartless action won't happen again, and as a "newbie" I am so glad for that.  So sorry the YWBB wasn't turning a profit for you.  If there was openness, then perhaps everyone who relied on the board would have a better understanding of your decision making process.  Not bitter, better.
?Knock and it shall be opened.' But does knocking mean hammering and kicking the door like a maniac??
C.S. Lewis

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Alexswife

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2015, 06:27:18 PM »
My thought is IF they really had to close the site, they could have done it in a much better way. We should have had some kind of warning before the just shut down the boards.
There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.
 For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his. - Hebrews 4:7-8
Alex 1/31/91-7/19/12

allan

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #9 on: March 10, 2015, 06:35:45 PM »
People move forward and the founders kept the site running for 12+years ,yes I was gutted and worried where I would get the feeling I was not mental when I received the news(thanks ac) and it was sudden and abrupt but slating them is harsh as they created this site when we were stood on chairs trying to get a signal on a mobile.
People's lives change as we all know to well.If the mods and us lot give as much commitment the site will keep on moving forward.

Change sucks.ywbb saw me through hard times and I hope this community will too.
Alexswife I agree.

MrsDan

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #10 on: March 10, 2015, 07:01:39 PM »
I don't take issue with the fact that they decided to shut it down. I take issue with how they did it. Here you have a group of people who have sustained tremendous trauma. Among them people who lost their spouses suddenly. Spouses who went to work, or the hospital and never came home. There were people there who woke up or came home to find their spouses gone. Their whole lives obliterated without warning. Many due to the nature of their spouse's death feel completely abandoned. And they crawled their way towards something to just help them push through, and find the rug pulled out from them yet again. I'm sorry but that is bullshit. It's inexcusable.

I always checked ywbb after putting DD to bed. For some reason, that night I checked Facebook first, and saw a friend's posting about it. Soon I saw what Jess had done. If I had gone to ywbb and been hit with that, it would have been very bad for me. I also find the notion that we would just find our way disingenuous. If they really cared about us forging a new community, they would have given us abheads up to give us the opportunity to do that. Not everybody has PMs, or necessarily made "friends" there yet. Because your self esteem takes a hit when you're widowed and making new friends can be difficult. I worry about the people I never told how much they were valued and accepted and how they may feel being left out in the cold. I work in non profit; I understand hard decisions. But I really don't see how they can justify the way they handled this.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
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lcoxwell

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #11 on: March 10, 2015, 07:11:42 PM »
I don't take issue with the fact that they decided to shut it down. I take issue with how they did it. Here you have a group of people who have sustained tremendous trauma. Among them people who lost their spouses suddenly. Spouses who went to work, or the hospital and never came home. There were people there who woke up or came home to find their spouses gone. Their whole lives obliterated without warning. Many due to the nature of their spouse's death feel completely abandoned. And they crawled their way towards something to just help them push through, and find the rug pulled out from them yet again. I'm sorry but that is bullshit. It's inexcusable.

I always checked ywbb after putting DD to bed. For some reason, that night I checked Facebook first, and saw a friend's posting about it. Soon I saw what Jess had done. If I had gone to ywbb and been hit with that, it would have been very bad for me. I also find the notion that we would just find our way disingenuous. If they really cared about us forging a new community, they would have given us abheads up to give us the opportunity to do that. Not everybody has PMs, or necessarily made "friends" there yet. Because your self esteem takes a hit when you're widowed and making new friends can be difficult. I worry about the people I never told how much they were valued and accepted and how they may feel being left out in the cold. I work in non profit; I understand hard decisions. But I really don't see how they can justify the way they handled this.

I have been debating all day, on whether to post a comment here, or not.  Somehow, I just could not find the exact words to express what I was thinking.  This, however, exactly expresses my thoughts.  It is like you reached into my mind and took what I was thinking and wrote it down, just how I wanted to say it.  Thank you for wording this so eloquently!
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

MrsT85

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #12 on: March 10, 2015, 07:26:57 PM »
MrsDan, I agree wholeheartedly.  I understand sometimes tough decisions need to be made.  But they can be made tactfully and thoughtfully and in such a way that would minimize harm.  If this was something they had been mulling over for as long as they imply, they could have given us all a warning so we could co-ordinate our next move out in the forums and as a community, rather than frantically and getting the word out through alternate channels.  I thank you personally for sending me the text and letting me know. I saw the news as I was leaving work Friday, and then started slowly melting down over a couple-hour long train commute out to the burbs.  I was so relieved.  It was a badly needed life-preserver just as it was dawning on me that I was still too far out from land to make it there on my own.

The response, however?  You all couldn't have been more inspiring!  I went from crying panic tears to tears of gratitude and happiness.  I got PMs from members I'd never really had any contact with, letting me know where our new home was.  And the way Jezzy and her team just sprang into action to set it all up.  Wow.  There are still days that I find just getting out of bed and facing the day exhausting, and I'm twice as far out as most of you.  My sincerest thanks.  Truly.   
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smabify

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #13 on: March 10, 2015, 09:13:50 PM »
I understand that the original founders have moved on, but I think that maybe they could have handled it better.  If this was truly a decision made over time, I think that there could have been some warning as to what was happening.  Even a few days to get a message out there and for us left in the trenches to band together.  I have to agree with @brokenheart2 and @stargazer74 - it seems very cold and arrogant to me. 

It is very true that something needed to be done, moderators were needed and things needed to be passed along and changed.  I am thankful to Jess and Justin for getting the site up so quickly!  I just wish that it could have been better notice.  As Mrs. Dan pointed out so eloquently, we have already been through trauma.  We don't need our lifeline taken away as well as our spouse.
Life's tough.  Get a helmet

azjane

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Re: FB message from YWBB founders on decision to close
« Reply #14 on: March 10, 2015, 10:53:04 PM »
Yes, would have been nice if the owners had sent a mass email to all registered members with adequate notice for people to gather their old posts if they wanted to, etc. I just happened to visit the site and luckily had a pm in my box about the new site. I read my first posts at ywbb and just sobbed thinking of those times in my life and also thinking about the fun we had years ago in chat joking around till all hours of the night but always making sure if anyone was having a rough time to be sensitive and offer up support.