Author Topic: 1st Anniversary in Chapter Two  (Read 1394 times)

MissinGrizz

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1st Anniversary in Chapter Two
« on: July 03, 2015, 08:10:58 AM »
(Long babble, sorry)

Today is my first wedding anniversary for my chapter two. A year ago, despite my swearing I'd never remarry and unsure I'd even recouple, we married under a maple tree in our new blended home after both selling the homes we said we never would.

It has been an interesting journey, not at all as I'd expected. I still recall the first year, still clinging to my ring and 21-year history with my Grizz, raising our 8 and 10-year-olds alone. Then, year two, I firmly decided that while I was removing the ring, sick of strangers asking where my husband was, and became mother-of-the-year, putting the kids at the forefront of everything: traveling with them, having friends sleep over every weekend, never saying no (even when I should have). In year three, when my now husband first asked me out, I panicked, unready, and ran: six months later when he tried again I conceded, deciding to keep it separate from my "mom" life and just something light and fun for me. Then, year four, realizing we made more sense all together and that life must move forward, and now, 5.5 years past losing what I thought was my forever, building a new forever.

I wasn't going to join this board after YWBB ended, but a stumble here and there made me come back. Honestly, I don't feel I have much to offer or gain anymore, and I plan to pull more away. In two days I leave on an adventure with my kids, taking them on a road trip to NY, VA, and PA, one last "just us" adventure before my oldest gets a job and a car and no longer wants to do this. Blending hasn't been as natural as I'd like. I can feel the dynamics are different between me and my kids and DH and his son when we are all together. It's nice to also have some separate time, and as we didn't wed until our kids were teens, I think it's reasonable to expect that while we enjoy family meals each evening and do things together as well (even did Disney all staying in one room -- boy was that silly of us!), there will always be a bit of an "us" versus "them" feeling that leaves me unsettled. Maybe one day that'll go away; it certainly has gotten better and less awkward.

Whether you're reading this section because you have indeed recoupled, or you're looking for future hope, I can offer no real advice but to say that no matter what you think or feel your future will be, you're never truly sure. Sometimes, life kicks our asses; other times, it gives us unexpected gifts. Mine happened to knock on my door three years ago to pick up his son from a sleepover.

Mizpah

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Re: 1st Anniversary in Chapter Two
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2015, 08:34:59 AM »
Sometimes, life kicks our asses; other times, it gives us unexpected gifts.


I say it this way: "Life is brutal and beautiful."  And everything in between. 

Happy anniversary!  I've always loved your clarity, honesty and self-awareness.  I'm really happy for you in your new life, even with all its complexities. 

You don't need my advice or insight, but I do believe that blending takes a ton of time, and acceptance of the fact that there will always be concentric rings - the inner circle, the next innermost circle, etc., etc., and it's ok as long as everyone feels loved and valued and treated fairly.  Simpler in words than reality.  Anyway, just wanted to say happy anniversary!  xoxoxo
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

JeanGenie

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  • Widowed 4-22-2013
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Re: 1st Anniversary in Chapter Two
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2015, 09:41:58 AM »
Thank you for your post.  Gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, if I'm lucky, I will find another someone special, my chapter two... :)
I miss how happy I was with you.

Sugarbell

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Re: 1st Anniversary in Chapter Two
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2015, 10:13:53 AM »
Congrats!!!!!

You all will last the test of time....both of you have good heads on your shoulders and you offer great advice on the whole blending families and have a positive yet realistic viewpoint.

I think you have lots to offer... Especially in this forum!! You help give others hope...not to mention your teaching/parenting teenagers... (which I  am almost to the teen years and it actually scares the shit out of me)

Enjoy your trip together!
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

Trying

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Re: 1st Anniversary in Chapter Two
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2015, 01:26:52 PM »
Happy anniversary!  I also appreciate your honesty in sharing the joys and struggles of blending families.  I hope you continue to contribute here when you can.

You will forever be my always.

patriciad

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Re: 1st Anniversary in Chapter Two
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2015, 08:11:18 PM »
Happy anniversary!

I have always found this blending to be more difficult than I had anticipated but definitely worth it.
I appreciate your input too-always a wise word.  I wasn't going to join this board when ywbb closed but I found myself coming back to where people really understand. I guess I was looking at the whole journey as a chapter that is finished. I have come to realize that there is no end to it,just an overlap in the different chapters of my life.

So...enjoy your day. I understand your desire to pull back a bit but please pop in once in a while with your pearls of wisdom.

Pat

Melbar

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Re: 1st Anniversary in Chapter Two
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2015, 12:11:58 PM »
Happy anniversary!  What a journey this is indeed.  Best wishes and many more happy years with your husband!

lcoxwell

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Re: 1st Anniversary in Chapter Two
« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2015, 03:17:20 PM »
I know I am a day late, but happy anniversary, and I wish you many, many more to come!
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.