Author Topic: Just plain lost  (Read 1216 times)

tmppgh2015

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Just plain lost
« on: July 14, 2015, 09:17:16 AM »
Eventually I'm hoping something will break through and help me feel less lost. Man, this 2 no year is kicking my butt and I'm only 4 months into it. I can't concentrate, I can't think. I do go to work and somehow get through, not nearly functioning to full capacity. I come home and I am generally in bed by 6-7pm. I have let my house slip. Normally I am a neat freak and now I just can't pull myself to do anything. I don't have any kids that makes me actually have to function. I do feel bad for my dog as we were pretty active and now he lays in bed with me so early. I don't know how to pull myself from this funk. I am in counseling, the problem is I know what's wrong. I was kind of seeing someone and that is just a frustrating situation and I don't have the energy to even try dating anyone else, so I deal with someone who lacks commitment on any level and I maybe see him once a month if I'm lucky. When I look at my life and what a shell I am now compared to the person who loved life before. It just makes me sad! :(

DonnaP

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Re: Just plain lost
« Reply #1 on: July 14, 2015, 09:29:48 AM »
I hear ya. What you describe sounds like me in the early days. I was just barely functioning at work and in life. Didn't care about much. Let the housework go. Cooked spaghettios for dinner (or nothing). The only difference is that I do have two sons and I kept going for them. They were my reason not to sink into the pit of despair. So each day I got up and went about my business. But there was very little joy in my life.

I'm past the five-year mark now. I'm remarried and very happy most days. There are still a lot of reminders and I struggle with the issues and complications that come from merging two families (see my other vent about my step-daughter in the "say it here, vent away" thread). Life throws us a lot of challenges. That is for sure. We need to find a way to live with what's on our plate on any given day. Find the things that make YOU happy.

In the meantime, I'm reaching out with a great big HUG for you!

Donna
*******
I still think of you, Mick...every SINGLE day!

SoVerySad

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Re: Just plain lost
« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2015, 09:33:58 AM »
Sending you tight hugs. The second year felt worse than the first for me in that the reality of it all really started to hit. Before I had just been focused on my sadness over him dying. Then suddenly the ways his death had imploded my life and my need to create a new future started to become clear. I felt very lost and overwhelmed as well.

Try to be gentle with yourself as this is a very difficult experience you are going through.

More hugs...
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

IfIonlycould

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Re: Just plain lost
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2015, 12:27:48 PM »
I was in the same place in year 2.  Like SVS said it was when reality started to hit....the first year I was lost in the actual fact that he was dead and I was a widow, I was learning that the man I knew and loved was never coming back.   Year 2 I began to realize that the life I had come to know and love was now gone as well.  I was a neat freak pre death as well and found myself letting things continue to slip too, many days coming home and collapsing. I remember thinking the same thing in counseling "I know what's wrong!" From past reading on YWBB I found this to be quite common for year 2.   I did continue with counseling and eventually it sort of morphed into life coaching which was helpful.  I got together with a couple friends every three weeks or so and we would make commitments to "projects" we needed to get done (which sometimes was "catch up the laundry or file the papers that are piling up") that seemed to help as we were all in a spot of feeling lost and needing guidance and morale boosting. I remember wondering where the person with all of the energy had gone too, I still have that feeling every once in a while but no where like I had it the first 3 years. Unfortunately there is no way through this whole awful mess then to go through this whole awful mess. All I can offer is hang in there, that's what I did and I promise it did get better.   ((((HUGS)))) from someone who gets it.
We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.
Aristotle Onassis

Carey

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Re: Just plain lost
« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2015, 12:36:16 PM »
Im halfway into year two.  I do the bare minimum at work.  Don't even bother with makeup most days. My kids run my house. I used to decorate for the seasons and stuff, made wreaths, etc. Don't care now. Hate that house, hate I have to live in it. They are 16 1/2 and 18 ... they do their thing, I end up at my best friends house on the couch pretty much every night. If I didn't I'd be face down in bed.  Or dead. My give a damn is busted.  SO no......no advice obviously just a commiseration that it must be something about year 2.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

lcoxwell

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Re: Just plain lost
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2015, 03:32:31 PM »
At just past 16 months, I cannot tell you how many times I have said that I just feel lost, recently. I don't even have the words to describe how lost I am, or how my life seems to be turned upside down. I have no motivation, and I don't seem to care about anything. *sigh
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

tmppgh2015

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Re: Just plain lost
« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2015, 10:34:24 AM »
Thabks everyone for the input. It's nice to have people understand. People in the real world have no idea. Just getting through. Carey I was a lot like you decorated for all the holidays and now I could care less... It's scary.  :-\

Mizpah

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Re: Just plain lost
« Reply #7 on: July 15, 2015, 11:58:47 AM »
If you have the time and means to take a vacation somewhere sunny or meaningful to you (or both), I highly recommend it.  I know it's different for everyone, but I went on a trip at about the 2-year mark and it brought me back to life. Who knows if it would help you, but it did me.  That aside, thinking of you and wishing for betterment for you.
 
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

luvmy2babies

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Re: Just plain lost
« Reply #8 on: July 15, 2015, 01:03:08 PM »
Yeah, year 2.  It kicked my behind.  What energy I had after work, my children got it.  The house looked like crap for a long time.  The whole summer I would go and purchase new underwear (for all of us) and clothes for the children to avoid doing laundry.  I put my stuff in the cleaners.  The children outgrow theirs; but I remember when I finally did all of the laundry I had too many pairs of underwear to fit in the drawer. 

As difficult as it is, I would try to let the sun hit your face as much as possible.  There were times I wouldn?t go anywhere; but would just step outside briefly just for that, especially in the warm months.  Or walk slower on the way to the vehicle after work.  There?s something about the sun on my face still now past 5 years.  Maybe when walking your dog, add a little bit of time to the walk each time.  Hugs  Hope you see better days soon.

Mr C

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Re: Just plain lost
« Reply #9 on: July 15, 2015, 05:53:07 PM »
Sending you hugs and understanding. At almost 17 months, the reality in year 2 is setting in and I have been trying to push myself back into life; though I often just want to hide away from society. Struggles with concentration and memory also have me in a funk. It sucks to feel like just a shell of myself, especially when I have projects that I really care about. My therapist called me out on my defeatist attitude last week. Just have to keep pushing through, continue to take baby steps and accept small accomplishments, I guess.
Mrs.C, You have been my Sweetheart, Best Friend and Love since 1987. You will be my Wife forever and ever and ever. Love Always, Mr. C

Guaruj

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Re: Just plain lost
« Reply #10 on: July 15, 2015, 08:09:20 PM »
I'm sorry this is so tough for you. I just finished my first year on July 4.

I do feel bad for my dog as we were pretty active and now he lays in bed with me so early. I don't know how to pull myself from this funk.

Are you taking your dog on walks every day?  Just getting outside and seeing him enjoy the outdoors might help a lot.

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