Author Topic: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?  (Read 138 times)

Leadfeather

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So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« on: November 19, 2017, 09:53:07 AM »
I have a good relationship with my wife's family. They have been very supportive of me and my sons. And my mother-in-law came out and told me months ago that she fully supports me dating or not dating.

 I am finding it strange to refer to them as Sister-in-law, Mother-in-law etc when I am talking about them to coworkers or when expecially I am on a date and the topic arrises. for example "What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" "I am spending it at my Mother-in-laws house." just sounds weird when I am out to dinner with a woman I hope to date. Does anyone have a different way to refer to their ln-laws?

As an aside. My inlaws were divorced many years ago and her father remarried. Her mother and step mother get along quite well so for years at family gatherings I have already had two mother-in-laws. If I ever do get remarried I might wind up with three. I think that might be a bit excessive. . .
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Trying

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2017, 10:06:32 AM »
Mine are still my inlaws. It can sometimes confuse new people to my life, especially since I have remarried. My current husband’s parents are both dead so I don’t have 2 MIL or FIL. My SILs kids call new husbands kids their cousins. I think it’s great, I’m happy for any positive family relationships.
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Julester3

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2017, 10:11:19 AM »
Josh's parents are divorced and remarried. I refer to them as inlaws still or late husband's parents.

Toosoon2.0

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2017, 10:38:36 AM »
Now that we're remarried we have doubled the number of grandparents/in-laws and as we're both widowed there's the late spouse component as well x two. We have confused people time and again with not only which grandparents/in-laws we're referring to but also with talking about our late spouses.  Our late spouses' parents are a big part of our lives so this comes up often.  I have always preferred to default to in-laws rather than get into explaining.  If I didn't, I'd get into things like "we're spending Christmas with Andy's late wife's parents" and stuff like that.  In-laws just keeps it simple.  With Scott's Dad, I just refer to him most often as "M's grandfather" --- that also usually eliminates getting into it. 

Over time, I cared less about these things though at first it all struck me as so strange and surreal. 
« Last Edit: November 19, 2017, 11:09:43 AM by Toosoon2.0 »

Leadfeather

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2017, 10:51:14 AM »
Over time, I cared less about these things though at first it all struck me as so strange and surreal.

I think that’s the part that is getting me, how strange and surreal it all seems. And I suppose overtime it will become the new normal.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

Virgo

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2017, 12:39:32 PM »
I'm very close to my in-laws too. They're all coming to my house for Thanksgiving. I refer to them as my in-laws, my daughter's grandparents/aunts/uncles, or Phil's mom/dad/sister. It really depends on who I'm talking to.
Jen

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Wheelerswife

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2017, 12:41:23 PM »
I number my MIL’s. I only keep in contact with MIL #1.

Maureen
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trying2breathe

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #7 on: November 19, 2017, 02:18:14 PM »
I'm close to my in-laws, and refer to them still as in-laws.  My kids are their only grandchildren, so we see them frequently.  Initially it's been a surprise to the guys I've dated that I'm in touch still with my in-laws.  I explain that our relationship continues even though DH is gone, and then it's okay.  I think it's great that your MIL let you know that she is supportive of you dating or not.
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tybec

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #8 on: November 19, 2017, 02:35:44 PM »
Good question and discussion.

Now I am in new relationship with NG.  Holidays are to be spent with him, his family or mine. Extended family are in different states.  He gets his kids limited time. We can't do it all.  So, the in-laws are becoming less and less to me and my son out of necessity to see our new folks in our lives, potentially step-family.  My MIL invited me and NG to the big family Christmas, but NG is not taking his kids to be with my late husband's family on his limited time, out of state, too.  It is hard.  If we lived close, maybe, but not the case.

My mil stills calls me her daughter in law and sends me cards with that.  I know it is weird for people to have me refer to her as MIL yet I am dating and unmarried. Another strange situation.

I like how folks here have made it work for them.  I think it  is most important to do so, find a way for you.

PS.  When NG posted us on FB in a relationship, not ONE in-law responded.  There are at least 50 on line.  NOT ONE.   

arneal

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #9 on: November 19, 2017, 03:22:35 PM »
Yeah, this is a strange area for me as well, but not so much with parents. LHs mom was already dead when we met and his dad died the year or so before we got married, so no inlaws of that sort to content with. However, he has many cousins, an auntie and uncle, and his daughter. I am close to two of the cousins and call them 'cousin'; struggle with what to call his daughter as I have separated emotionally from her quite a bit. She is still mourning I think because she didn't stay in touch with her dad as much as she feels she should have as a daughter. I can't comfort her in that way as I lived through the worst of his illness and can't re-hash as I go on with life. She is about to be 32 after all. I tend to call her my former husband's daughter but occasionally say stepdaughter. It is weird indeed. I get a bit uncomfortable when some of the others call me from time to time. It just feels strange now that he is gone. I guess it's because I come from a small family and we don't really keep in touch; I don't know how to 'do' family in this situation ...
Andree'

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Bunny

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #10 on: November 19, 2017, 03:53:13 PM »
I still say MIL and (step)FIL, but also- my late husband's grandma/relative for the others. Only one person has seemed overly confused by this- bf's SIL. She's divorced with zero interest in contact with her former in-laws so found it weird I still talk to some of mine. For me, the one thing I had to learn after getting into a relationship was to switch from saying my husband  to my late husband. Only took a couple times of using husband and boyfriend in the same sentence then some very confused looks on the other person's face! It all felt Very Awkward at first, but now I guess I don't really think about it. The New Normal.
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Abitlost

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #11 on: November 19, 2017, 04:43:11 PM »
Without hesitation, in-law.

Leadfeather

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #12 on: November 19, 2017, 07:46:38 PM »
Funnily enough a few hours after writing this starting post I got a text from my cousin-in-law. She and her husband are in town along with their kids and her mother. I have known her since she was in middle school, now she has a kid in college. I have not seen them since my wife's funeral last year. Ended up going out for drinks tonight, caught up with her and her family. It was very nice.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

daysofelijah

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #13 on: November 19, 2017, 08:05:17 PM »
We are going to dh's brother's for the weekend after Thanksgiving, so my boys can hunt with their uncles. 

Idk, I guess I usually just say my late-husband's family. I don't really call them in-law's anymore.

NG still talks with his x-in-law's and refers to them as such. But x- doesn't quite fit my situation.
Amy, mom to four (14,13,9,5)

Captains wife

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Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #14 on: November 19, 2017, 09:07:04 PM »
I wouldn't say I'm close to my inlaws but my son is and I always still refer to them as my inlaws, even with NG. I think it's important my son remain in touch with his Dad's family.