Author Topic: On line dating vents and laughs......  (Read 160385 times)

Leadfeather

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1440 on: November 12, 2017, 03:59:31 PM »
Actually it was a good number because I quickly realized that when I got a notification, I was disappointed if it was from #2 or #3 and I focused my attention on #1. 

That is what I am seeing in myself also. And I have a coffee meet-up scheduled with #1 next Saturday. . .and I don't even drink coffee. ;)

Hope I am not her #2 or 3. . .
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

Portside

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1441 on: November 12, 2017, 06:09:25 PM »
Not really a vent, more of a question.

How many men/women do you talk to online at a time? It feels like if I am not careful I am going to have to many conversations going at once.

I think my max was a bit more - maybe six/seven. And to keep it all straight I took notes of important points for each of the ladies. Number of kids, where they went to church, things that interested them, things that they didn't like, etc.

Keeping things straight became even more important when I would meet them. I went out with many women during certain time periods. I treated it like a bunch of interviews - not drilling them for information but rather putting my best foot forward, determining what type of relationship they were looking for, personality style, outlook on life, did she seem interested in me - that sort of thing.

Good luck - Mike

The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

Julester3

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1442 on: November 12, 2017, 09:19:39 PM »
I am also finding 3 is a good number. I went up to 5 once but it was too hectic for me.

StillWidowed

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1443 on: November 13, 2017, 02:38:21 PM »
Well hell, no wonder I'm getting in so much trouble.  I'm chatting with.....crap I don't even know how many right now.  But they quickly get weeded out......just for more to show up.  I don't take it too seriously until I see the guy is really interested and puts forth the effort to meet me.   Maybe I'm too lackadaisical about it all  :P

momof2obs

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1444 on: November 14, 2017, 06:44:48 PM »
I'm beginning to think it is me...

One guy I had met up with once previously got in contact with me two weeks ago and asked if I wanted to have dinner with him one night last week.  I said yest and then I never heard back from him.  I texted to follow up and no reply.

After messaging back and forth pretty consistently for a few weeks, I told another guy that I was interested in getting together with him.  He said he would like that but then the messages got fewer and fewer until no contact at all for almost a week now.

I guess I don't have what it takes to get the follow through  ???

arneal

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1445 on: November 14, 2017, 07:06:58 PM »
momof2 -- sometimes it is the expectation of the other party. He may be nervous about actually meeting you (best case) or he is interested in something other than dinner (what I often found). I tended to get right to it: I am not looking for a hook up, do not want an intimate partner or a friend with benefits. Put almost those words in my profile and the contacts became few and far between. However, there were a few who were quite persistent in trying! I adjusted my profile several times and apologized if my NJ sharp tongue was off-putting, but I wrote how I felt. I focused on one person at a time as I was in no rush to meet someone.

Don't give up. And also consider other ways to meet people. If you have a hobby, consider getting more involved. If you don't, find one :) Check out local meet and greets or speed dating -- that way, you are already face to face with several possibilities. If you are involved in a faith community, become more of a volunteer around the parish. None of these 'guarantee' you won't meet people who will drift, not reply, or be just plain weird, but it opens the possibilities. Plus with the hobby thing, you'll get to have fun and maybe learn a new skill!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Captains wife

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1446 on: November 15, 2017, 07:45:18 AM »
Online dating - or dating in general - especially as we get older is so odd to me. Please don't take these actions personally..you never know what the other person's situation is. Ive been on PLENTY of dates where I thought it was great and then poof. Some of the disappearance reasons are their own - ie. they get involved with someone else (a lot of choice online), their schedules are too busy (I had a few lovely widower dates but they were just overwhelmed with raising children and working and no way would they date someone living more than 15 mins away), their priority isn't dating right now (weird as they are online dating but its true) and some people just have their own insecurities and issues. People are complicated. Don't give up - there are some great people out there also looking to meet us ! I agree, though, the ghosting is just plain rude, especially if you've been corresponding or dating someone for a bit....

faye

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1447 on: November 15, 2017, 07:52:31 AM »
I suspect many of those who ghost when meetings are mentioned are people who already have partners - bored and posting profiles online.  Then partner comes home from business trip or completes that project that had her working OT or Horrors! someone clicks on his profile or responds to a message.

I think it's also beneficial to have someone proofread any profile or ad. I've seen people complain that the people they date just want to hop in the sack.  If you write "not looking for anything serious" on a *dating* site, that could mean you're open to that sort of thing...with no strings attached.

My personal favorite was "looking for an open-minded woman" which about 75% of the time meant he was married.

kjs1989

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1448 on: November 15, 2017, 09:26:33 AM »
I'm with Captain's Wife on this. It is tough to do so, but I agree with the notion of not taking the failed connections personally. I had some of the same exact scenarios as you, CW.

One guy I thought was a really good fit for me on paper after several really nice email exchanges, decided he was still too broken hearted after his divorce to set up a meet date. I was disappointed beyond belief and wondered why the heck he bothered in the first place.

Another guy ended up meeting someone else just prior to our exchanges and ended up in a relationship. It didn't work out; he contacted me again and we met, but by then I was in the very early stages of my current relationship. We are still friends, as my digitally artsy son ended up doing some work for him.  To this day he often damns his timing to me in a good natured  way.

It is such a rough go, online dating. I cringe at some of the junk and just pure ickiness I encountered.  Dating in general is just so messy, and indeed people are very complicated with their own agendas and needs. When you make that rare, truly successful connection, it really can be worth the headache, heartache, and hassle, though.

arneal

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1449 on: November 15, 2017, 11:37:12 AM »
It is such a rough go, online dating. I cringe at some of the junk and just pure ickiness I encountered.  Dating in general is just so messy, and indeed people are very complicated with their own agendas and needs. When you make that rare, truly successful connection, it really can be worth the headache, heartache, and hassle, though.
^^ Totally, this! Thank you, kjs -- well-said.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Missmybecky

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1450 on: November 15, 2017, 12:54:59 PM »
It's just dating in general that sucks... I finally met someone that I really like and we had been dating for about 6 weeks, getting along great, or so I thought. She was out of town this last weekend visiting her sister and was ignoring my texts. She called me on Monday and told me that she doesn't want to see me anymore with no further explanation and will not talk to me.  ::)
Next...

arneal

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1451 on: November 15, 2017, 01:15:11 PM »
That's awful, Mmb. So sorry to hear.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Momtojandj

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1452 on: November 16, 2017, 09:00:09 PM »
So my latest is .. guy I went on date with , nice ..not my type but had a nice time . He asked me to go out again.. I said yes . However I just get texts every am from him and no further mention of a date .

Guy I dated a few months ago , then ghosted then all of a sudden is texting and clearly looking for a hookup. Um , I’m good thanks .. go away.

Then there’s my married friend who has been trying to pursue me , I know his marriage is bad .. but um no.

Time for nun school yet ?
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

arneal

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1453 on: November 16, 2017, 09:03:19 PM »
Oh, momto ... Rather than the nunnery, join me and let's write a book!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Julester3

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1454 on: November 16, 2017, 10:19:35 PM »
Is it bad that I go into dates like the scientist I am trying to analyze the guy and figure out his issues? There is this sense of curiosity I have in the psychology of some of these guys and how they got where they currently are. Divorced guys: you can see the trail - his fault vs her fault, changed goals, fell out of love, cheated, etc. The single guys who have had nothing or little to show for it do make me wonder...so what are they hiding to get this far in life with little to no relationship experience or longevity? If they were fine in the bachelor life all this time, hit 40 and now wanting the whole 9 yards? Are these guys I want to be with? Is there truly any thing in common other than what the stupid dating site claims we have in common?

I am getting horribly scientific with it and I think it's just my own way to process this dating thing. Again, I never dated as an adult so this seems logical to me. My expectations are pretty low and I look for positive points in the experience. I don't want a casual hook up - it's empty. I know I need something worthy. BTW, nothing feels natural about dating, sadly.

Right now, I have a divorced teddy bear of a guy. He won't even let me pay for lunch or contribute in any way. He's kinda old fashioned that way. I have 2 other guys texting me and are respectful but 1 is shy to even suggest a meeting (I asked him out for brunch and he deferred because it was his mother's birthday. He did ask for the rite to do the asking out next since he had to decline.). The other one is in the city with no car of his own (was recently in a car accident over the summer) but I don't think it'll work. His goals in 10 years are not what I would choose and I might never consider, honestly.