Author Topic: On line dating vents and laughs......  (Read 161412 times)

momtokam

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On line dating vents and laughs......
« on: July 13, 2015, 06:52:01 AM »
Why do I assume everyone I talk to is honest.

You chat with someone for a few days, make plans to meet, day and time, just need to pick a place, he knows I need to make childcare plans, and poof, the day before he stops responding even though he is seen on the site.  What do these jerks find so amusing about this?
Just man up and say you changed your mind. Don't appear interested if you are not! Sheesh!

I really don't know if I am up for trying this again. It's so infuriating!

Feel free to add your on line dating vents.

« Last Edit: January 09, 2016, 10:53:52 PM by momtokam »

Captains wife

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2015, 07:20:53 AM »
Yes...been there a number of times. I also found that I would make a date with a guy, then he would find out about my single mother/widow status and then cancel. There was one guy in particular, a teacher, who seemed really into me - we emailed, texted, chatted on the phone, had a great Sat night date planned in Boston and then he cancelled right after he found out I was a widow with a son. (And he did via an email right after phone call but not admitting why exactly.) I went out once with a self made guy in Newport - thought 1st date went well, he seemed really into me, great chemistry, seemed to want to go out again. We texted several times a day for a few weeks. We had a romantic 2nd date planned, I had arranged child care etc, then poof - disappeared.

But then again, we wouldnt want to end up with these types of guys either. I wish people could be upfront in the dating game but most arent. The issue with online dating is there is so much choice out there  - on both sides. Saying that, however, I did meet some really great men when I did online dating so they are out there - it just takes a bit of time to weed through the "un"matches to find your match. Wishing you all the best - none of this is easy!
« Last Edit: July 13, 2015, 07:24:38 AM by Captains wife »

momtokam

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2015, 08:40:46 AM »
Thanks Captain wife. So sorry you dealt with this too.

I know there are good ones out there.  I just wish the jerks weren't.

I wasn't sure I wanted to try again but thought why not about a week ago. This guy is 50, knew my widow status with kids, and seemed very into me. Boy my gut feeling must be really off.

RobFTC

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2015, 11:08:50 AM »
I have grumbles to match.  On the weekend, two women "liked" me on match, and the second one initiated an e-mail as well.  I contacted the first who seemed interested in meeting and suggested a time, crickets since Friday.  The second one was just yesterday afternoon, so it's too early to call crickets, but I feel like I know what to expect.  I don't understand why people just stop.  An analogy I have used before is people talking on the phone and then wandering off without bothering to hang up.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

momtokam

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2015, 01:10:21 PM »
Rob, I'm sorry.

Your analogy is right on the mark. Do people feel being on line means all social skills are out the window?

A simple "Thanks for chatting, I'm pursuing something with someone, and would like to give that a chance. Perhaps we can chat again soon" would work for me. We all know that some can have many on the go but a little social grace should still be expected.

Bear1956

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2015, 03:38:59 PM »
People feel entitled to be jerks with online dating, guys and gals, imho. It is the whole anonymous thing. Very little chance of you running into them at the local food mart.

Bear1956

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2015, 03:41:14 PM »
I have grumbles to match.  On the weekend, two women "liked" me on match, and the second one initiated an e-mail as well.  I contacted the first who seemed interested in meeting and suggested a time, crickets since Friday.  The second one was just yesterday afternoon, so it's too early to call crickets, but I feel like I know what to expect.  I don't understand why people just stop.  An analogy I have used before is people talking on the phone and then wandering off without bothering to hang up.

Take care,
Rob T

That too.

nonesuch

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2015, 08:22:29 PM »
I had one fellow email me that he was looking forward to meet me and five days later - ncns.  It wasn't his fault, though. He had revived a former relationship.  Two weeks after that he answered another ad I'd posted.

I chatted with one man at 9 a.m. about meeting between noon and two. He never showed. When I emailed him that evening he claimed to have called me during the morning and getting no answer determined that I had backed out. Nope, not willing to re-schedule, either.  I never received a call, and my cell didn't list any missed calls. A year or so later he, too answered my ad again.  I emailed him and reminded him that a year ago we'd set up a meeting and he'd no called-no showed.  He admitted at that time, yeah, sometimes he just does that. He was sensitive to rejection.

I had a fellow answer my ads a couple times, thinking I was a prostitute.   Nothing wrong with being one, everybody's gotta earn a living somehow.  My ad was quite clear that I was looking for a relationship, though. After a couple times I started to include at the end, "Colonel Jack, I'm not a pro. Don't bother responding to this ad."  Quite a few men wrote, wanting to know what was the deal and who was Colonel Jack?

I saved one cute looking man to my "favorites' list on OKCupid.  A day or so later he blocked me. :-(

Dating (nowadays) is not for the faint of heart.  People who have only typed into the computer don't have as many reservations about hurting our feelings because they've never met us. until they do, somehow we aren't real. There are good people out there. 




momtokam

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #8 on: July 14, 2015, 08:51:19 PM »
I guess I understand the anonymity thing but wouldn't it be interesting to actually run into them in person. Surprise! I'm real you jerk!

Nonesuch, what losers have crossed your path!

SunshineFL

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #9 on: July 16, 2015, 08:14:22 PM »
Hi, friends.
I haven't posted in a while, but do read and check in now and then.

Perfectly timed post @momtokam and others ... I've also been braving the online dating scene these past couple of weeks.
You aren't alone in the "bizarr-o" stories. I can spin a tale and have my non-widowed friends laughing, but seriously ... this is our life, right? Not so funny.

I've had a bunch of "...great, thanks for your number, I'll call you this afternoon" - never to be heard from again (then I see them checking out my profile again days later).

One who said it was perfectly fine for me to google him before our planned beach walk and dinner date; I do and see the numerous articles reporting his indictment for drug smuggling - okay, even then I extended him the social courtesy of a note when I bowed out.

Those that text "have a good weekend" - ummm, it is Wednesday, but okay.  Code for I'll never hear from you again. Delete that conversation.

The one who I felt had "potential," who flew in from Atlanta to meet, had a wonderful first meeting at the airport, enjoyed a lovely waterside meal, had an engaging conversation of depth ... when a look came over his face and he said, "Whoa, you are really grounded, centered and so amazing, you've really done your work. I've clearly been faking it and I'm so sorry I misled you that I have it all together; I'm a mess. I'm so sorry." And left back to the airport.  Three and one-half hours - a new all-time low. 

And here is the doozy of the day - there was the one who just today wrote to me, a widowed artist - asking me how long I had been divorced (widowed is in my profile), and answered one of those questions  they ask you ("Is art important to you") with a crass "I don't give a crap about art."
Really.

The ones that call just to have some playful banter on the phone and are always shocked that I am intelligent, fairly articulate and can "keep up." I have no idea who else they are talking to, but those are just one-offs, it seems. Like someone random to talk to for a few minutes.

Oh, how about this one - I don't understand the lack of courtesy of a reply when a woman writes a short note of introduction. Whether interested or not, acknowledge please. I find that rather rude. But just hit delete. 

And I know for sure that the "crazy" works in both gender directions. Just retelling a few of mine in the last two weeks.

This got long - so, I guess I'm making up for not posting for so long!
I'm trying not to get jaded, just using my filter, thinking the initial best of others (unless/until they teach me otherwise), staying hopeful and optimistic, having fun with it - casually dating - and trying not to take any of it too personally. Everything in its right time. 

Maybe a sexy summer romance will introduce himself to me soon ... one that doesn't necessarily end with the turn of the season.  8)

Good luck to us all.
-SunshineFL
« Last Edit: July 17, 2015, 09:50:31 AM by SunshineFL »

Needytoo

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #10 on: July 17, 2015, 08:04:14 AM »
I joined online dating sites way back when I really wasn't ready to date but now I am ready and well..........it hasn't been easy. The last two guys that I met just rambled and rambled about themselves and the last guy smelled so much like diesel I wish I brought my full face respirator.

I have no idea why the conversation just stop or they stand you up.  Seriously why?  Is this how they treat people and if so I recommend them to stay single forever. 

There is one lady where I work.  She is slightly older than me and not to be cruel but she isn't a beauty queen.  She brags about have a different date every week.  I must be doing something totally wrong or she if full of it. 

SunshineFL

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #11 on: July 17, 2015, 09:32:51 AM »
The last two guys that I met just rambled and rambled about themselves ...

....She brags about have a different date every week.  I must be doing something totally wrong or she if full of it.

@Needytoo - I hear you.
I've had several "over-sharers" as well. I know I'm easy to talk to and a good listener, but giving me the Cliff Notes versions of all their most challenging life stories in a short coffee date is a "tad" over the top.

And, about your co-worker, my guess is that her threshold / standards / criteria / expectations for dating are much different (read, less high quality / less stringent ) than yours.  I'm okay (perhaps you are, too) not going out rather than spend a night out with someone who isn't a good match for me. Maybe she is good with Mr. Right Now (which I'm gathering is easy to get lots of dates with that way of thinking) - rather than laying the groundwork for a long-term, healthy, loving, multi-level relationship.

Try not to compare - you be you.  :D 
-SunshineFL

sunshinedaydreamz

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #12 on: July 17, 2015, 01:17:26 PM »
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« Last Edit: September 21, 2015, 10:10:26 AM by sunshinedaydreamz »

RobFTC

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #13 on: July 17, 2015, 04:57:47 PM »
Oh, how about this one - I don't understand the lack of courtesy of a reply when a woman writes a short note of introduction. Whether interested or not, acknowledge please. I find that rather rude.

It's a red-letter day when I get a "thanks but no thanks" from a woman.  The impression of The Abyss is far, far more common.  I think I get more "sure, let's talk" responses than polite refusals, and I think I have only had a woman use the "No Thanks" button at the bottom of *every* match.com message just three times.  I'd recommend just thinking about no response as the way people pronounce "No thanks" on the Interwebz.  I try to respond to every multi-word message I get from a woman (omitting "hi" and their ilk if I don't see a match), but I don't hold myself to perfection here.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

SunshineFL

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Re: On line dating vents......
« Reply #14 on: July 17, 2015, 08:37:12 PM »
Thanks, Rob.
I think they were your words of wisdom (and you shared a nice phrase that stuck with me) on the former board that helped me make sure I respond even when I'm not interested or don't think we are a good match.
Thanks for that.
I don't really sweat a no response - just move on.
Be well.
-SunshineFL