Author Topic: On line dating vents and laughs......  (Read 146403 times)

SimiRed

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #330 on: March 27, 2016, 02:24:12 PM »
Not an easy task but sometimes you can tell from their profile or what they say on the phone and I try and ask the right questions without it seeming like an interview. I refuse to date anyone who is separated or fairly recently divorced - I've always had issues here.

Hmmm...what would be the "right" questions?  Seems like I would have a ton of questions!  But, I would scare anyone away with all the questions that are in my head. 

I agree, that anyone recently divorced or separated is not a date I would choose to go on.
~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.

Virgo

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #331 on: March 27, 2016, 02:34:04 PM »
Virgo, if I ever decide to venture out there, maybe it'll be not by starting with on line daring.  Don't know if I could endure this craziness.

All of the men I've dated so far I either graduated high school with, was set up by a friend, or they knew  (or knew of) my LH. My LH was a LEO. I'm actually talking to a fireman, dispatcher, and someone I graduated high school with right now. I've been debating going out with them or taking a break from dating lol. I won't say I wouldn't try online dating, but I prefer not to. At least for now.

Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Captains wife

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #332 on: March 28, 2016, 07:41:59 AM »
SimiRed - I used to go and ask WAY too many questions at the start as I didn't trust anyone and I probably came across like I was interviewing and too intense...but now I ease them into the conversation once they bring up certain topics (i.e finding out how long been out of marriage/relationship, some ideas about how last relationship ended and their attitude towards exes, how long been on Match.com, their "ideal" dating situation).

So....I have 5 new dates (coffee, lunch, evening drinks, dinner) this week so wish me luck - hope I have something good to report afterwards : )
« Last Edit: March 28, 2016, 08:05:46 AM by Captains wife »

SimiRed

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #333 on: March 28, 2016, 07:12:54 PM »
Good luck CW!  I get the trust issues, that's what I'm afraid I'd do...I'd machine gun the poor guy with a bazillion questions!  Probably all the wrong ones!
~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.

tybec

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #334 on: March 29, 2016, 05:11:40 PM »
Still off here most of the time.  BUT I AM DATING!  I got two kittens for Christmas as my 12 yr. old cat died in July earlier.  When someone commented on my cats (cat lady), that threw me in.  I am not that person, so date 4 is planned for this weekend.  Talk nightly.  Text daily.  Feel like a crazy teen.  It is fun, unnerving, scary and exciting.  But so glad I took the plunge.  Thanks to the forum for giving insight.....

nonesuch

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #335 on: March 29, 2016, 08:22:46 PM »
Some weeks I had two or three dates with different men. I never minded that, and sometimes one date was enough to determine there would be no more.  I generally assumed if I didn't feel any chemistry by date #3 I was wasting my time and his. I didn't think that was leading anyone on.

Current Beau had a date lined up with another woman before he and I met.  Rather than cancel, he went through with the meeting, but there was no second date.  I've talked with other people who did the same thing: followed through with meetings already scheduled, even if they *may* have met someone they really liked. 

Needytoo

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #336 on: March 30, 2016, 05:49:35 AM »
I thought I was ready to try this online dating thing again but now not too sure.   This time around I find I am much more open but maybe I am not asking them the right questions in the first place. I am back in therapy because I feel sometimes I am a "cold fish".  My therapist suggested a few things and one of them is to start to set up boundaries which is a whole other topic. 

Last Friday I had a coffee date planned with one of the guys but came down with a cold and cancelled.  I know it must look like I might be wimping out on the date so I actually called him to cancel so he could hear that I had a cold.  My schedule is very busy right now and I understand that it might look odd to someone and have them question if am I stringing them along.  We planned to meet Thursday night but there was a death in the family and now I have to drive down to the funeral Thursday so I texted this guy.  His reply was "looks like we are at different stages of our lives bye bye".  Do I reply? 

Mrskro

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #337 on: March 30, 2016, 07:46:55 AM »
Needy....Different stages?    Because of a funeral and a cold?   Sounds like the guy has no sympathy to me .... I wouldn't reply or would just go with "good luck"

Tormented....I had a an ex (from high school) that did the same thing...."you just need time"  I felt horrible, I was honest.  I mean he was an ex for a reason and unfortunately time didn't really change the reasons why we weren't a romantic match to begin with.   We are still friends but I get the vibe every now and then that he thinks if he waits long enough I'll be "ready".

I vote for honesty.

Portside

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #338 on: March 30, 2016, 09:02:04 AM »
We planned to meet Thursday night but there was a death in the family and now I have to drive down to the funeral Thursday so I texted this guy.  His reply was "looks like we are at different stages of our lives bye bye".  Do I reply?

No, I wouldn't. He has, for whatever reason, decided he isn't interested in finding out if you two are a match for each other as it's too much work on his part.

These things happen and it's obvious he is not willing to give you any latitude.

Good luck - Mike

The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

TalksToAngels

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #339 on: March 30, 2016, 12:16:17 PM »
N2,
No. I would not reply. Bye bye ? Come on.
Any sincere person would say, hey that's ok, or I'm sorry for a death.
Bye bye ?
Make it final.

RobFTC

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #340 on: March 31, 2016, 11:44:40 AM »
Needytoo, it looks like he believed you were stringing him along.  This could happen if you didn't counter-offer for the cancelled dates - if it's you having to break the date, it should be you showing you're still interested and not just making a polite excuse.  If you came up short, he could read it as lack of interest.  His response was not very gracious - a gentleman would express condolences and leave it open for you to get in touch later, even if he expected that to not happen.  So you don't appear to be missing much.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

nonesuch

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #341 on: April 01, 2016, 11:56:24 PM »
You cancelled two dates.
It's not your fault, but it's probably not the first time he's been rejected.   Frankly, a fellow cancelled twice on me, and on our third "date" he was a NCNS.  If your prospect had as many potential meetings go "poof" as I did, he thinks he's being sandbagged, and  cutting his losses.

Sorry it didn't work out.

TalksToAngels

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #342 on: April 01, 2016, 11:58:08 PM »
 ::) ::)
« Last Edit: April 02, 2016, 04:23:08 AM by TalksToAngels »

Needytoo

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #343 on: April 02, 2016, 07:32:13 AM »
Good morning everyone, thanks everyone for your comments.  I do understand how this guy would think I am stringing him along and he doesn't know me but I don't lie and to make that comment I agree he isn't worth my effort to get to know him. 

Now I need some advice.  I found that last two guys have gone poof because it most likely does appear that I am stringing them along.  I do work too much and I am trying to cut back on that but it takes time, I need to finish the work and hit the dead lines. Another two more weeks and more work load will have decreased way down.   I also take art, exercise and creative writing classes.  I really feel without all of my fun stuff there is no way I could handle the stress of all my work.  To be able to do all of this I need to schedule stuff way in advance in my calendar.  Doesn't seem too hard of a concept to me.   I have had two guys give me a days warning that they want to meet and I have to turn them down and they comment that I am way too busy.  Is this normal?  Sounds a little too demanding to me.  Now don't get me wrong I am looking for a relationship that has great communication but also allows the other person to have a life outside the relationship. 

I do believe in honesty but I also believe in being safe online and all people need is my first name and where I work and they can find out my last name.  I think I have had now four of the guys show up under my facebook account as people I may know.  What do I do about this? Should I be that concerned? 

Last question does Match send out icebreakers to people?  I had a message from a guy and it appears I sent him something that I didn't?


klim

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #344 on: April 02, 2016, 08:26:22 AM »
I always google search the person I'm talking to so I would expect that normal people are trying to find out about you too. So they might connect to facebook. I'm just saying I'm not a stalker/scammer or other type of deviant so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

As far as scheduling things you do sound busy....but the first meeting doesn't have to be huge. Maybe you could say  something like:I've got art class tuesday but if you want to get a quick cup of coffee before I head in theres a shop just up the street......That way you're not always postponing their curiosity and yet maybe you can fit some meet and greets in that could lead to further full sized  scheduled fun dates. Not sure it's feasible but it's an idea.
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