Author Topic: On line dating vents and laughs......  (Read 161617 times)

nonesuch

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #345 on: April 02, 2016, 11:13:04 AM »
if I had that much going on, I wouldn't be trying to schedule dates as well.  WE know you mean well, but you're not trying to get a date with US.   If people are eager to meet, it makes sense to strike while the iron is hot.

 After a while online, I took "Can you get back to me next week?" as a polite brush-off, and it was.  I'd get back to them next week and I got crickets chirping. The other people you're trying to connect with online are getting rejected from time to time (or maybe a lot).  Because frankly, not everyone will come right out and say, "Thanks, I'm not interested."  They SHOULD, but they DON'T. Saying you want to date and being "too busy"...well, they don't know you. They are going to go on their past experiences which are not positive.

Alternatively, since you have all these things going on, be up front about it and say, "The only good times for me right now are X on Thursdays and Y on Sundays."

First meetings for me were usually a coffee or a beer.  One of the men I met said the same thing and commented he'd had meetings when the coffee didn't even get cold. 

Why tell people where you work?  I don't think I did. They don't need that info to have coffee at Tim Horton's.  They need to know I have dyed red hair, I'm 5'5" and weigh about 140.

Tighten up the privacy settings on your Facebook account.  I don't know how to do it, someone had to talk me through it. Someone can do that for you, too.

If they give you a name, you can google that. If they give you an email, you can google that, too.

Captains wife

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #346 on: April 02, 2016, 06:15:59 PM »
It's been a busy dating week for me. It just so happened a few potential prospects contacted me so I staggered 5 dates this week- phew. Day 1 - coffee date that I unknowingly stood up because his confirmation message didn't get through, Day 2- Lunch with very cute and outgoing widower and really enjoyed myself plus felt some chemistry. He took my arm as we were walking out...such a gentleman. Day 3- Quick drink after work with crazy real estate guy. Hands down one of the worst dates I've ever had. He shows up half an hour late, REEKS like pot (I kid you not), talks non stop about how his ex left him for a friend with more money, talks non stop about money, talks about how a lot of single mothers in their 40s just want him for sex and then when I ask to see a pic of his ex (out of curiosity) he has this one on his phone with her posing on a bed in tacky lingerie trying to look sexy. Oh boy... Then at end of date as I'm making early exit he thinks date was great and asks me out again- I politely declined. Day 4 - local dinner date with preppy no kids guy. Had a very nice time and we got along well but I'm very wary now of preppy, professional 40 something men with short marriages who don't have kids. But he made me laugh. Day 5 - dinner with short, cute British guy. Had a very good time and he was easy to talk to although could have something to do with 3 glasses of wine I had lol. So 3 good dates in a week - and 3 potential 2nd dates as they asked me out again. 3 out of 5 isn't bad although don't think I've met anyone that's blown my socks off yet. But all in all a successful dating week and a good laugh! Sooo glad to be home the rest of the weekend.

Wheelerswife

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #347 on: April 02, 2016, 06:22:11 PM »
Can you send some men to Kansas, CW?

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

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RobFTC

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #348 on: April 03, 2016, 11:21:54 AM »
I have had two guys give me a days warning that they want to meet and I have to turn them down and they comment that I am way too busy.  Is this normal?

Nope - a man should be able to schedule something with a little notice, too, and not get bent out of shape when a busy woman says that's what he needs to do.  But do remember to counteroffer, not just turn them down, if you're interested.  That means having your own calendar in order.  "I'm pretty busy" is the leading signal for "not interested" these days.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

Needytoo

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #349 on: April 03, 2016, 03:52:32 PM »
My new mentor Captain's wife.  ;D

Thanks everyone for your advise.  I am back chatting with a few fellows with even more open attitude and  will see what happens. 


kjs1989

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #350 on: April 03, 2016, 05:16:45 PM »
Wow, CW, I am exhausted for you! Sounds kind of fun, though. I'm pulling for #2. Keep us in the loop!

TalksToAngels

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #351 on: April 03, 2016, 05:21:44 PM »
CW it sounds as if too much is going on. When I was on a dating site (which I'm not now anymore), and I connected with one person, and wanted to see where it could go, obligating to rest of the week or month dates and meetings always got in the way. And people will sense that, and back off, and you could end up losing someone really nice. I don't know maybe it's just me, but it seems many just want to do this casual dating scene, which if that's what you want, is fine, but I always looked or needed something more. Any way, not judging, but good luck.

Also reiterating what someone else wrote. Never disclose where you work, or the spelling of your name to someone you don't really know. Intentions may be good but there is certainly a dark side to offering info to someone you have not met, or just have met. There are some shady people on anonymous internet sites. Caution is never a bad thing.
« Last Edit: April 03, 2016, 05:24:46 PM by TalksToAngels »

Captains wife

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #352 on: April 03, 2016, 06:10:47 PM »
Multi dating is tiring but also fun and dating one person at a time also doesn't work for me, unless we are in a committed relationship. I know my 3 dates I enjoyed this week are on other dates so I'm not about to wait around for any of them this early on and I want to explore my options. Plus after brutal break up I'm enjoying this casual dating a lot : ) Widower date did tell me that I was his "favorite" of the women he has corresponded with on Match so we shall see. I prioritized this date as I'd like to see what happens with him and we have our 2nd date this week. However, he isn't nearly as far out as I am so I am proceeding with caution. I'm hopeful but feel less urgency to meet a boyfriend vs my first round on match.com almost 2 years ago. Good luck to all - it's a jungle out there!
« Last Edit: April 03, 2016, 06:12:34 PM by Captains wife »

TalksToAngels

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #353 on: April 03, 2016, 06:20:15 PM »
Whether he's far out (sounds strange ), or not as far as being widowed sometimes has little bearing on whether someone's ready, or not, as I've experienced. I've met some women weeks and months out that were genuine and looking for someone nice, and others 10 years out, who I considered would never be ready. It's all a crapshoot.
Good wishes, to you !

TalksToAngels

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #354 on: April 03, 2016, 06:38:34 PM »
I was always different maybe, in my thinking. Maybe it was from being with one person for so many years and not given the opportunity to "date". I wanted someone to spend every happy moment together, not wondering, and have them want.. To be with me. Agonizing every second we are not together. Anticipating the moments we are, together, without wondering, well is this person real. I had it once, probably won't find it again, but it's just a dream and perhaps, fantasy, I've always hoped for. Unfortunately, it starts with dating. Something I never really quite was able, to understand well.

RobFTC

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #355 on: April 03, 2016, 06:45:59 PM »
TalksToAngels, you can probably your one special person, but if you focus on one person at a time, there's a risk that you are measuring them for a permanent relationship.  That can send people scurrying.  Dating multiple people until something clicks and someone you want wants to go exclusive is one way to avoid that by deliberately keeping commitment off the table.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

kjs1989

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #356 on: April 03, 2016, 07:39:21 PM »
When I first started the online thing it was more about just meeting people, connecting, living life, and just getting off the corner of the sofa where I had sat practically catatonic for three months after D died.  I really think it is better to just keep your options open rather than immediately try to focus in on one person. I am still  friends with three guys I met online. We were not cut out for a love match but we did connect in other ways.  One gave my son a summer job and I helped him make some business connections, another ( an accountant) advised me on some business decisions, and another, a widower and coach, steered me through some really dark moments with thoughtful advice on helping my teenage sons through grief, and I, likewise, helped him with issues concerning his 12 year old daughter.

I did eventually find someone I felt I had the most common ground with from both a pragmatic (!) and a chemistry standpoint, and we have been together three years.

« Last Edit: April 03, 2016, 09:34:59 PM by kjs1989 »

TalksToAngels

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #357 on: April 03, 2016, 11:32:15 PM »

There is ALWAYS a risk. Have to make sure the benefit outweighs the risk.
Never marry / date a pretty woman / handsome guy.
Someone told me that. I should listen.
« Last Edit: April 04, 2016, 12:41:36 AM by TalksToAngels »

Captains wife

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #358 on: April 04, 2016, 08:07:56 AM »
All of my dates this week (3 of them - two 2nd dates, one 3rd date) are with men about my height (5' 8")- On the first dates I was taller than them (or at their height) as wearing work heels - does this mean I have to run out and buy kitten heels/flats for this weeks' dates ??? LOL

Quixote

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #359 on: April 04, 2016, 10:13:50 AM »

There is ALWAYS a risk. Have to make sure the benefit outweighs the risk.
Never marry / date a pretty woman / handsome guy.
Someone told me that. I should listen.

I dunno. I married a drop dead gorgeous woman.  And I'm what could be charitably referred to as "dork chic". Fortunately for me, love was blind. Worked out well for two decades.  It's not the face, it's the person.

That said, if someone is a complete narcissist about their looks, yeah, that's a negative-- just as if they go on about how awesome they are in other ways (as a rider, know it all horse girls bug the bejeezus out of me)