On line dating vents and laughs......

[Captains wife]

This is what I wrote on my profile: I enjoy meeting new people yet my ultimate goal in online dating is to find my match for a long term relationship. Meeting the right person can take time - let's get to know each other and see where things go. So if someone asked me your question I would keep to that script. I'm not yet sure that my long term goal is to get remarried but I'm keeping it in mind - but don't feel it should be introduced so early in relationship discussions : )

[TormentedTwoStep]

If I answered that question honestly, it would say something like this, "I'm looking for and impossibly gorgeous creature with near nymphomaniac tendencies that has the sex drive of an alley cat and the stamina of a Kenyan marathon runner.  And if you like to cook and have a great job making six figures, I will love you the rest of my days-like-for real.  I'm looking for someone that wants to let me make all my dreams come true."

But that's scary and somewhat disingenuous.  I don't ever say, "Just like my dead spouse." either.  Tends to scare them away.  So I wind up going with, "Someone that wants to seek out a life and a love uniquely it's own, whose heart and mind can grow and learn with mine.....and no one with needy 20 something criminal rat-bastard kids still at home."

[Wheelerswife]

Someone who is willing to be real with me.

[TalksToAngels]

If you find the person who fits that description you will be in competition with 2000 other local guys.
And then you'll probably find out also, that's she's married and seeing 5 other guys.
Lol gotta love reality.

[nonesuch]

Someone "just like my dead spouse" will likely have trouble answering the ad.  Being deceased will likely make him very slow to respond...

[Captains wife]

I love kissing etc as much as the next person but guys that get too aggressive physically and talk about sex too much too early puts me off (i.e. Date 3). Sigh - and I liked this guy (widower) but he is clearly out to play the field and just have fun. That's fine for him but not for me. NEXT.....

[TormentedTwoStep]

Ugh....sorry CW.  I may talk about it playfully, or very casually if the subject comes up, but never from the stand point of "Hey-you know what we ought to do?"

This is grown ass real adult life.  He needs to go play with the 20 somethings.....

[Captains wife]

Thanks - I don't mind flirting, kissing early on but this guys actions were inappropriate I thought for a 3rd date. And it's too bad because the date went very well up to that point and then ended on a completely awkward note when it became clear I wasn't playing his games. Sigh- can't we ladies have a romance period for a while instead of instantly jumping into bed?

[TormentedTwoStep]

Though I tease and talk a good game around these parts, I completely agree.  I only want intimacy with someone I'm completely in love with.  I'm completely old fashioned and its simply my choice.  When I read on the dating profiles and the questions portion that some folks expect to sleep together after three to five dates, it's a huge turn off for me.  What can you possibly know of someone in that short a time?  Like I said, just me, but I want time to learn about one another, grown, romance and see if we can really connect.

[Captains wife]

Oh and then he brings up the whole"did I feel guilty about messing around because I'm Catholic and I felt sinful?" (Which I'm not but what a weird thing to say!) ugh he seemed so nice at first : (

[Forgottenwife]

Oh and then he brings up the whole"did I feel guilty about messing around because I'm Catholic and I felt sinful?" (Which I'm not but what a weird thing to say!) ugh he seemed so nice at first : (

What??? So is he saying you need a REASON to not want to fool around with him? That is how I am interpreting this statement. 'No' is all the reason you need.

And yes, we can have a romance period before jumping into bed. Its about finding someone who wants similar things.

[TormentedTwoStep]

Last I checked, no is a complete sentence that needs no qualifiers.  I hear it all the time when I ask someone out.    I take them at their word.

[sojourner]

Thanks - I don't mind flirting, kissing early on but this guys actions were inappropriate I thought for a 3rd date. And it's too bad because the date went very well up to that point and then ended on a completely awkward note when it became clear I wasn't playing his games. Sigh- can't we ladies have a romance period for a while instead of instantly jumping into bed?
[/queote]

OK, I probably should stay away from this area as I'm still conflicted about dating- however, I'm feeling somebody needs to say this, so I'll do it, as I'm under the influence of pop music via teenagers.    So, with thanks to Meghan Trainor and to paraphrase.... This guy needs to learn "....my name is NO, my sign is NO, my number is NO... You need to let it go!"

Full lyrics available on the internets! 

[kjs1989]

Captain's Wife,

Blech. I am with you on the early sex talk.  What the hell? If you're both on the same page, whatever, but you would think guys would be able to "read" a woman a bit and rein it in  if he is getting signals she is not on the same page. And he is a widower?? Double blech. You'd think he may have  bit more intuitive understanding than your average Joe.

[Captains wife]

Even worse this widower didn't rein it in when I gave a clear signal that I wasn't heading down the path he wanted to go on. He just tried to get more aggressive about it - then said I bet you like it when guys get aggressive. Ugh! That's when it was time to go home!!