Author Topic: On line dating vents and laughs......  (Read 144735 times)

serpico

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #450 on: April 29, 2016, 10:05:37 AM »
^^^ No, it really doesn't.  I guess, though, that I don't see it as a huge risk.  I mean, I know all about stranger danger and all, but I'm not sure what sort of harm could come of a person 'knowing who you are' based on a dating website.  If you have a date, they're probably going to know who you are anyway, and even if you don't end up having a date I don't think it's a big risk.

It's a double-edged sword.  We want to know all about our potential dates and we call it a 'red flag' if something they tell us doesn't match up with reality, but if we conceal our own identities we're really doing the same thing.

[Tybec, I'm not picking on you here, it's just that your post brought this to mind]
'I think I got some of your pickle'

jeff1973

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #451 on: April 29, 2016, 10:32:08 AM »


Tybec,

I guess I would have no problem with a lady checking me out to  know that I'm legit and who I say I am.

In fact I encourage it for their own peace of mind because I have nothing to hide.

I'm not so comfortable of anyone saying they have or can learn everything about someone just to prove a point.

Can that be an indication of control issues somewhere down the road?  I don't know to be honest.

My guess is if a lady doesn't want me to know who she is or where she is then that is her choice.  If I want more then it's my choice to ask or to leave the relationship.  I will never do anything that would make someone uncomfortable.  It's not in me to do that.  To me sharing information is a mutual trust issue and should be treated as such.

Besides I'm too computer challenged to, " Know Stuff ". :-[

Love the Checklist Rob

Jeff1973

 

SunshineFL

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #452 on: April 29, 2016, 01:57:57 PM »


Tybec,

I guess I would have no problem with a lady checking me out to  know that I'm legit and who I say I am.

In fact I encourage it for their own peace of mind because I have nothing to hide.

I'm not so comfortable of anyone saying they have or can learn everything about someone just to prove a point.

Can that be an indication of control issues somewhere down the road?  I don't know to be honest.

My guess is if a lady doesn't want me to know who she is or where she is then that is her choice.  If I want more then it's my choice to ask or to leave the relationship.  I will never do anything that would make someone uncomfortable.  It's not in me to do that.  To me sharing information is a mutual trust issue and should be treated as such.

Besides I'm too computer challenged to, " Know Stuff ". :-[

Love the Checklist Rob

Jeff1973

So well said, Jeff.  Mutual trust is so core to all relationships, especially at those initial stages of meeting and starting to get to know the other person. 

I think in this "quick to click" society, the social mores of online behavior are so blurred - or maybe just out the door all together, who knows? I know I'm in the minority, but I still like to have someone share their life's stories with me personally and let it unfold naturally - not show up at the first coffee meet and have them say to me, so I see you went to U.ofWherever ...or, I see you paid $XXX,XXX.00 for your house and I know where you live. Creepy, unsettling, not a way to build trust. But that is just me, who leans toward super-private online.

"So, he told me he looked me up to show HE was trustworthy and a "normal" guy with lots of security clearance over the many years. He told me I was very evasive for our chats, but having a child and where I live, etc, I did it on purpose.  BUt he still found me..... Doesn't take much, I guess." -tybec

I hear you tybec and, like Jeff, I don't find that a valid reason for all his sleuthing. It doesn't speak to his level of trustworthiness or "normalcy."  If he felt you were being evasive or holding back in your early chats, he could easily have asked you in person a kind and gentle question, wanting to learn more about you  - such as, I see you tend to be private. I'm interested in knowing where that is coming from.

I have been "off line" not dating for six months or so (I'll tell you, the days sure are brighter).  One of the last icky connections I made was with a man who, with my first name, profession and that I was widowed, was able to find my husband's obit, articles about his professional accomplishments, with that, my kids, abusive relatives who are no longer in our lives after my husband passed, where I was now living and the two houses I lived in previously and a bunch more that all made my skin crawl....and I'm not in a small town like you are, and this was all after just two days of texting, one phone conversation and before we had even met in person for lunch (where he had the nerve to say "I hope you didn't have as perfect a marriage and as perfect a life as it appears online, so I have a chance with you."). Any of those things would make a protective widowed momma run the other way...but, I'm guessing there are some women who might be fine with all that transparency early on. Not me. Bye-bye. Blocked.

I love information as much as the next person, but at what cost? Civility? Graciousness? Respect? Time and patience? Allowing trust to be earned and offered through actions, words and emotions?

When I was online dating, I did like it when a gentleman said to me early on that I was free to search online for him as he wanted me to know he was genuine and good and that I was safe with him. I appreciated that upfront gesture.

If I never make an online dating profile again, I guess that wonderful man who is out there looking for me is just going to have to be more creative in finding a way for us to meet. I'm staying hopeful, keeping my eyes open ... and my smile bright.  ;)

Be safe out there everyone - but do have fun.
We all deserve more fun and more laughs in the day, for sure.
Have a good weekend.
-SunshineFL


TalksToAngels

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #453 on: April 29, 2016, 03:09:17 PM »
There was a post on FB (and I'm not a big fan), about how in 2 minutes someone can steal your identity and hack you, with just a phone number and first name.
VERY Scary. I only say to tybec I do think he overstepped his bounds with the security talk.
I dated a police person for a short while, and I know I was scrutinized.
It made me almost feel a bit violated.

Online has its ups and downs. To me, I don't do it, or play the silly games that seem the norm.
If anyone has seen my posts they know why. Most everyone I met had this notion that I wasn't over grieving and at a point maybe I could see why. But I bumbleeffed my mind thinking that they were somehow good people when in the end I felt I just was there to entertain.
Unfortunately I felt at my expense. Anyway I learned hopefully. I at one point never even again brought up my past, yet had to hear countless stories of abusive exes and bad dates. That was enough after awhile for me.
SF you will meet the right person on your time. And your own special way.
« Last Edit: April 29, 2016, 03:24:51 PM by TalksToAngels »

RobFTC

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #454 on: April 29, 2016, 03:19:20 PM »
Hey Gayle,

That is a creepy amount of information.  Maybe the issue is that we don't all know or agree where that 'creepy' barrier is anymore?  In this as well as several other areas?

I've searched a couple of times, mostly when my spider senses tingled for some reason.  One woman had told me about getting sick at one point, but had failed to mention that she'd lost both of her legs below the knee to it - I saw a feature on her in the local news later.  I could see that being hard to know how to talk about, but it made me wonder.  She seemed open when we talked about it, and so I saw her further.  Next there was the double standard she had, talking about how she hated her ex driving by her house and then later talking about walking to the park across from his house.  So finally, she had this consulting business, and it occurred to me to search for stuff about it.  Hmmm - at least a couple of customers had wound up getting stiffed, to hear them tell it.  Next!

To the Google generation, I would suggest that because you can doesn't mean you should, and that getting to know someone over time and learning at a more stately pace can be a pretty good deal.  If you get a good match, lots of good can happen.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

tybec

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #455 on: April 29, 2016, 04:30:14 PM »
Well, glad that sparked some conversation.  NG stated he tends to be transparent as his MOA, versus evasive.  I didn't KNOW how evasive I had been, actually.  NEW to this, ya know.  My profession lead me to not want to be found easily, as I didn't want folks in my town seeing me and talking, but it probably has happened a bit.  I live next to a large army post, where LH worked, so I was familiar with some things. I practiced googling myself, and he was right.  3 simple things, first name, location and profession lead to linked in and then FB, too.  He gave me suggestions I could use to change that quick of a search.  I work with law enforcement, too, and they said it would be par for any person in the field to search. NG and I are having lots of fun, and I can't say the other men who contacted me were as direct, honest or gentlemanly as him, even in chatting, etc.  But good to hear different perspectives.  THANKS!

TalksToAngels

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #456 on: April 29, 2016, 04:40:22 PM »
I too scrutinize and search. It's very easy when you're computer literate. And of course we all want to know the agenda. I keep it to myself nobody really likes to know they're being googled, I would imagine. Sex predators that's fine, but don't look up what I had for dinner last week
; )

SunshineFL

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #457 on: April 29, 2016, 06:37:09 PM »
Glad you are enjoying your new budding relationship, tybec.

"...because you can doesn't mean you should, and that getting to know someone over time and learning at a more stately pace can be a pretty good deal. If you get a good match, lots of good can happen." - RobFTC

So true, I agree.
Patience is a lovely virtue; I hear good things come to those who wait.  ;)

"I keep it to myself nobody really likes to know they're being googled," -TTA

Yes, absolutely.
One might search online for a myriad of reasons, safety high among them, but need not lead with it in conversation straight away.

"SF, you will meet the right person on your time. And in your own special way." - TTA

Thank you, TTA - very sweet and so appreciated.  :)
« Last Edit: April 29, 2016, 06:53:52 PM by SunshineFL »

Momtojandj

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #458 on: April 29, 2016, 07:30:52 PM »
So date I was supposed to have tonight, I finally texted at 7:30 for him to say he was still at work . ( he's an hour to home, then 30 minutes to meet me half way ) Told him we can meet another night, not thinking positive anymore about this one. Something seems off. Sigh .. I don't get it .. Go online to meet people, but it's all games . How old are we ?!?!
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

SunshineFL

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #459 on: April 29, 2016, 07:46:51 PM »
What a bummer that he was so disrespectful to you, momtojandj.  You had firm plans for tonight and he couldn't find 2 minutes at some point in the afternoon to let you know he had to work late...at 7:30pm you are texting him??? Not cool. Sorry.

RobFTC

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #460 on: April 29, 2016, 08:29:26 PM »
\Something seems off. Sigh .. I don't get it .. Go online to meet people, but it's all games . How old are we ?!?!

Hi Momtojandj,

Good behaviour here would have him planning something definite with plenty of notice and no need to touch base on the day of the date unless it involved a hospital visit.  I'm sorry he didn't think so.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

Captains wife

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #461 on: May 01, 2016, 05:42:09 AM »
So date I was supposed to have tonight, I finally texted at 7:30 for him to say he was still at work . ( he's an hour to home, then 30 minutes to meet me half way ) Told him we can meet another night, not thinking positive anymore about this one. Something seems off. Sigh .. I don't get it .. Go online to meet people, but it's all games . How old are we ?!?!
. Momtojandj - this type of dating behaviour totally pisses me off. We all have busy lives (and as single parents we do especially) so I expect other adults to be mindful of that. The fact he didn't reach out to you by that time is not respecting your time. I think better, other men are worthy of your time. I don't know why these crazy online games are played either but I also know there a lot of fish in the sea! Maybe throw him back : )

TalksToAngels

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #462 on: May 01, 2016, 04:17:45 PM »
Throwing him would require useless energy.
Psychic senses says he will have an excuse.

nonesuch

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #463 on: May 01, 2016, 04:31:40 PM »
First guy is 60 years old and has already asked me out for coffee and to give me a ride on his Harley. He is flirting big time. Hate to judge age but 11 years older than me might be a problem. 

My mother was student teaching and went to visit a relative a couple towns away.  Relative owned  rooming house.  One of the tenants sent his six-year-old son down with the rent.  Landlady sent him back upstairs and told him to send his father down, she wanted him to meet somebody.  That's how my mother and dad met.

Fast forward a few weeks, and Mom is standing in front of the dean discussing her student teaching and planning for her graduation.  The dean asked if it was true she was engaged.  Mom said yes.  Was it true that he was a divorced man 10 years her senior, with a son?  Yes, it was.  The dean said, "Well, I guess he's old enough to know what he's doing." 

They were married 53 years, till he passed, so I guess he did.

Captains wife

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #464 on: May 02, 2016, 11:01:19 AM »
Had a drinks date on Sat that was perfectly pleasant (and had a good laugh so I am thankful) but I wonder why some guys seem to think we are so compatible when I don't see it at all ? On a more positive note, after date no. 4 with cute Turkish engineer yesterday (in which we both brought our young kids and it was such a lovely day in his neighborhood - he even made all of us lunch) I have firmly decided to hang up my "multi-dating" hat and will go exclusive with the Turk - eeek ! But seriously, he seems great (and he wants the same relationship status) so I am going to take a chance.  :)
« Last Edit: May 02, 2016, 11:03:37 AM by Captains wife »