Author Topic: On line dating vents and laughs......  (Read 145657 times)

SunshineFL

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #510 on: June 04, 2016, 11:14:50 AM »
Oh my goodness, sorry that happened to you, momtojandj.... no, you don't meet him and you don't apologize for your intuition. It turned out to be correct, didn't it - when he showed you how rude he could be and treat you not nicely. Always listen to that inner voice. In those moments, I always say to myself - "thank you for teaching me who you are."  Better early than later.

I once broke it off with a man I had just been on two or three dates with and he started to scream and curse at me on the phone - completely out of character from our in-person meetings, but I had an inner voice inside tell me he isn't good and not for me and to cut it off with him. So glad I did.  I didn't let the tirade continue either - nobody is allowed to be disrespectful of us, right? - and got off the phone after I said it isn't okay to speak to me like that.

You delete and block his number and block him from contacting you on the site, too. Ugh - why? You don't "owe" him anything more than the courtesy of telling him you didn't feel like meeting him, which you did.
Solidarity sister-friend.

And nonesuch, that was some pretty clever sleuthing on your part. Brave of you to call him out on it in the moment, too.


« Last Edit: June 04, 2016, 11:22:16 AM by SunshineFL »

RobFTC

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #511 on: June 04, 2016, 09:52:08 PM »
What was I supposed to do ? Still meet him ?

Hell to the no - like I told someone recently, everyone has a cord to pull to get off at the next stop, and that should be respected.  Agreeing to an initial meeting is not a guarantee.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

Needytoo

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #512 on: June 05, 2016, 08:35:06 AM »
I think you should count your blessing on that one Momtojandj. 

I have been continuing on getting advice from one lady online on how to date over 40.  She has some great advice and then some times she contradicts herself, but lets face it life is unpredictable and there is no magic formula to this online dating thing.  I am also reading Deeper Dating, so far really has nothing about dating but how to get in touch with yourself.

I have been having some other life issues this week and avoiding the whole online dating thing. The guy who has an amputated leg is still messaging me and I have no idea what to say to him.  I really like hiking and it might be something he can't do but I have been doing it by myself and really enjoying it so is it an issue? My brain can't decide.  He loves motorcycles and I am a bit terrified of them.  The other guy I have been chatting with decided to end it, he is chatting with another lady and he said it is serious.  Oh well.  Last night was back on there and do these guys actually read what they put in their profile.  I agree profile writing is difficult but when they just write they like the outdoors or when it is totally full of negatives it is very hard to strike up a conversation.   

StillWidowed

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #513 on: June 06, 2016, 11:13:33 AM »
Speaking of prosthetic limbs....I had a girlfriend who was messaging a guy back and forth on the computer.  They decided to meet.  He had no arms.  When she told us this story I was in hysterics.  I'm sorry, but that's usually something you should tell someone before you meet.  Just sayin'.  Yes, I'm politically incorrect.  Don't send me hate mail.

arneal

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #514 on: June 06, 2016, 11:53:44 AM »
Needytoo -- I so was wondering the same thing! Is it that there are trolls who look for women (and men) who have 'widow' on their profile? Is it an automatic assumption that we are desperate? The best one was this guy who sent me a message: 'Are you here for a casual thing too? When are you coming to [named the state]?' -- honestly? No! I am not flying/driving to another state for a hook-up! My profile also states clearly that I am looking for friendship to hopefully lead to something serious. I wrote that I am not looking for a friends-with-benefits type deal. I am not interested in younger men. My profile is very clear about the age range I like, yet I get 'I want to meet you' messages from 27 year olds. My current top range is about 62; I get messages from 70 year olds. And (politically incorrect moment coming -- I'm with you, StillWidowed! ... please don't hate me!) the young ones look like babies while the older set ... thus far anyway ... look a too old and don't seem to have any common interests.

Interestingly, there is a story on the news right now about having realistic expectations about dating. This woman is talking about not getting lost in the fantasy of the thing and not getting swept off your feet. Where was she when I was getting chatted up by the Florida guy lol! I have had a couple of other fakers show up on my time line and I just ignore them when I find out.

On a positive note (so far), I found a guy near me about who I can check a bunch of the good boxes. We've had two dates (one lunch, one dinner) and I'm doing my best not to blow it  ;D
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Momtojandj

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #515 on: June 06, 2016, 09:09:40 PM »
Adding to my week.. So mentioned guy going crazy when I said I didn't want to meet.  So today , I reopened by okcupid profile, just so that my friend could have me look for a guy she saw. Anyway , I was on all of five minutes , enough time for someone I messaged with months ago to spot me. He starts sending message after message , that I disappeared on him , that I'm a aloof and a player . Then says I don't want to meet you anymore, then keeps sending messages. I blocked and deleted the whole profile again. Is it a full moon ???
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

RobFTC

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #516 on: June 07, 2016, 06:47:35 PM »
Hi Momtojandj,

I had a couple of successful messages with a woman, and agreed to a generic meeting, then got on the phone with her.  She was such. a. drag. complaining about her life - overeducated, not holding a job, kid problems - that after the call, I had this "wtf" moment.  I messaged her back that I didn't want to meet, and good luck.  Well, that uncorked an epic rant that I should go find and repost.  It's definitely one of those messages you don't want to delete from your account because they make good stories!  Message after message about how rotten I was, based on almost nothing other than stereotypes from my profile.  In a performance art kind of way, it was amazing.  I was glad I just didn't care at that point :-)

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

arneal

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #517 on: June 07, 2016, 06:56:23 PM »
Wow, Rob! That is epic ...  :P
I had another phony reach out to me the other day: I liked his profile and within moments had a message; he asked if I wanted to connect with him off the site, gave me his email address, and indicated that he worked as a doctor for the UN. Yes, go ahead and laugh now. The email was a 'doctor.com' freebie address, his profile photo is on at least half a dozen websites with people of different names, and there is no one even remotely related to the UN with that name. Sad ...
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Quixote

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #518 on: June 07, 2016, 07:20:32 PM »
Not online, haven't made that move.  And I'm not really sure if it was supposed to be a date.  But I'm pretty sure I got dumped before it even happened. 

I know this horse trainer and playwright--  we'd go for rides together at the old barn, she'd loan me various horses that needed to be exercised.  Really well trained beasts.  Anyway, she's also a playwright and one of her plays was being performed down in San Diego.  She invites me to come see it with her and grab dinner after.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure why, but two days prior she shoots me a quick text to tell me it's off.  I run into her at the barn and ask her if everything was okay with the run.  She gives me a quick "yes", pops a headset on then rides off.  Keep in mind, we usually would hang out several times a week.  I'm dim, but could tell something was up.  I try to send her a message via Facebook and discover she's unfriended me.

Best guess is kind of hard to explain if you're not into horses, but she's a big time natural horseman/bitless bridle evangelical.  And I just had changed trainers for one of my horses from another natural horsemanship trainer to a more traditional trainer.  It's the only thing I can think of.  Makes me sad, more because of the loss of a friend than the date.  And it was tough enough letting my last trainer go:  she was a friend, but just wasn't getting my mare to where she needed to be. 

Did I mention I just passed the 5 year mark since losing my wife?  Let's just say my willingness to deal with unnecessary social drama is pretty low this week. 

On the plus side, my landlady just brought a new little Icelandic mare onto property today.  So there's a new female in my life after all.  Horses, I understand.  People, not so much.

arneal

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #519 on: June 07, 2016, 07:27:33 PM »
Quixote - my first reaction is that your friend was very crummy in how she did all that. To unfriend on social media? Call off a get-together with no conversation? Giving the cold shoulder? Maybe something else is up that has nothing to do with you, but still.

Agreed - it's time out for unnecessary drama for all of us. Wishing you the best!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Quixote

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #520 on: June 07, 2016, 08:13:19 PM »
Thanks. Yeah, I would have thought after a year of friendship, we could have a talk at least. I don't know if it's widowhood or just getting older, but I just don't have the desire to deal with interpersonal antics

Tatianakm

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #521 on: June 08, 2016, 05:23:55 PM »
I am only guessing here, Quixote, but perhaps this lady heard it through the grapevine that your were replacing the trainers, so for the fear of being also replaced, she beat you to it and hence the cold shoulder. 

Why don't you approach her and ask her kindly, but straightforwardly why there is such a sudden change of heart. Girls are complicated, temperamental and sometimes downright moody :-) But just like with the horses, you've got to be self-assured, but not arrogant. You've got this. Perhaps this friendship can be salvaged, or at the minimum you can clear the air and file it under lessons learned. Good luck.
To the whole world you were one person; to me you were the whole world.

Quixote

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #522 on: June 11, 2016, 12:41:33 PM »
Oh, I hear you, T. But while I'm sad that I've probably lost a friend, I just don't have the emotional space for confrontation right now.  If she wants to talk, she will. If she doesn't, she won't.

Needytoo

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #523 on: June 16, 2016, 04:31:32 PM »
Was stood up again by one legged man.  Go ahead laugh, I am. 

Was chatting with this other guy that said he just moved to the area.  I noticed he was always showed that he was online.  I finally asked what he did for a living, he then fessed up he was unemployed.  Next.

This brings up a question. I have had a few guys ask what I do for a living. It does rub me wrong especially when they haven't even asked my name yet.  But then again it is a question that you ask people?  Any comments on this?  I just don't think I am asking the correct questions and waste so much time. 

Captains wife

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #524 on: June 17, 2016, 05:47:27 AM »
I personally don't mind that question- whether asked of me or whether I ask the guys. (Although it might be nice to ask your name first- there is etiquette to this!) I was looking for a professional while dating so it was important to me- and the guys I dated probably wanted to know if I was financially self sufficient and maybe what my career said about me. Where I am put off is any salary related questions...