Author Topic: On line dating vents and laughs......  (Read 146990 times)

Quixote

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #525 on: June 17, 2016, 06:02:47 PM »
Yeah, it might be just a "getting to know you" thing--  after all, work is a big part of most people's lives.

Epilogue to my drama.  I decided to text my friend about the whole Facebook thing.  She apologized for being juvenile, but then called my choice of trainers "reprehensible" and told me that she was trying to get her head around the fact that I seemed to be a good person, but did "that" to a horse I claimed to love.

"That", by the by, is having the horse train at a barn with the first American to earn an instructor rating from the British Horse Society, and has turned out several high level competitive eventing horses and riders.  But modern competitions require a bit, and bits are evil (and also used by 95% of the horse world).

For the record, after a month at the new barn, my horse is fitter, visibly less nervous, and to my eye happier.  I told her flat out--  if it's down to her or my horse, it's the horse every time.

Yeah...so, that attitude might explain why I haven't had a date in over two decades :D  Then again, my late wife was kinda nuts about animals, too.  We generally agreed on training methods, though.  Heck, it was something we'd do on a night out--  "Wanna go socialize the dog tonight?"

Needytoo

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #526 on: June 18, 2016, 07:04:51 PM »
Quixote I think she might have a little bit of an ego problem.  I worked in vet medicine for over 20 years and wow did I see the "experts" in everything.  But there is that side of me which kinda understands her side, because as we know there is always two sides to a story.
Had a guy invite me over for a bonfire on his second sentence.  Just doesn't seem right.

SunshineFL

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #527 on: June 21, 2016, 03:35:59 PM »
 :o  Hi, friends.
Just thought I'd add a little levity to everyone's day ... yes, this is my life.

So, with the turn of the summer season, hope sprang eternal again and, despite my clear declarations of "never again," I optimistically created a new account on OKC. "Okay, let the games begin," I joked while securing my suit of armor against potential rude, disrespectful and inappropriate advances and remaining hopeful that the good men will see their way through.

I posted earlier in this thread of the man who messaged me that I was too intelligent and soulful for the site, that men there were only looking for the "easy" women, and I sarcastically replied that I appreciated his honesty and asked for a link to the "highly evolved and intelligent" meeting site.

Earlier this month I enjoyed a nice online conversation with an educated, employed, age-appropriate, divorced, dad in my area. We took it to text, then enjoyed a nice phone conversation. The day after he texted a short "good morning," and I let him know how I enjoyed our phone conversation. He said he did as well and asked what my plans were that weekend. I replied that other than a planned family dinner on one evening, I was pretty open...."How about you?" I inquired.  Not taking the opening, he said he was just "chilling and relaxing and maybe going fishing one morning."

Two days later, I ask how fishing was. He answers that yes, it was a decent day and asked how mine was. I told him I made a few special memory legacy art quilt commissions for clients and he said, "Awesome."

Four days later, I hadn't heard from him, figured he really wasn't interested, but sent a short, friendly note asking how he was doing, mentioned he kinda disappeared, hope all is well, and no worries if he isn't interested in getting to know each other.  He texted back: "Good morning, I'm interested."  I haven't heard from him since.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard from a man who lives about 2 hours away apologizing for the rude man who messaged me about this site being for hookups and I was too intelligent to be there. He was so sweet, genuinely offended for me to have been exposed to that, and wrote elegantly.  I replied in kind, with appreciation and said he gave me hope anew.

Those two genuine gestures of humanity, led to a few nice written exchanges and then to two phone calls this week. I get the sense that he is a good man in a lot of ways, but it was during these initial phone calls, in real voices and kind conversation, that I learn that he is finally at a point where he can wish his ex-wife happiness, but she shouldn't be happier with another man than she was with him (it wasn't sarcasm, it breathed bitterness), that his older son doesn't speak to him (there could be many reasons for that, giving the benefit of the doubt), that he used to give his wife the "silent treatment" for years and is hoping that he doesn't repeat that in the future, and he felt that our second phone call in life was the perfect time to reveal the moment in his life of which he is most ashamed (a 4th grade childhood prank/bully moment against a special needs child, that he never confessed to, never apologized for even though he was in school with him through high school, has haunted him with guilt every day of his adult life and, in tears, said that he was ready to tell Jesus at the Pearly Gates the he wanted to see this boy first so he could apologize to him). 

My heart poured out for his pain....but he is so not truly ready to be in relationship; he has much more healing to do. I wished him well and he wished me the same.

Other than perhaps having made a new single friend in a local man who is an avid sailor, a graphic artist and is looking to expand his circle of friends outside of his sailing buddies and girls he meets on the beach, staying in touch via text with one man in Canada who seems interesting and we might meet up casually, as friends, when I visit Toronto at @momtokam 's bago at the end of next month (YAY...going to be so much fun!), and making an email introduction online to two friends who were both on OKC and both live in Chicago, it is time to take another break from the online for me.

I didn't count how many 20somethings and 30somethings hit me up for the hook-up (a lot), how many cut-and-paste scammers tried to get me off the site with their email solicitations (a bunch), and how many pipeline engineers who are about to come into a huge inheritance in Dubai if I just wire them some funds today  --- hahaha  ;) --- but, for me, best to disconnect from it before my "hopeful" fades or is scarred too deeply.

Everything in its right time, I guess.
Today isn't that day....but it is a sunshine great day in a ton of other grateful ways.
Staying hopeful.

Wishing everyone more luck than this go 'round I just had these few weeks.
Have fun!
Chat soon.



Momtojandj

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  • Widowed since 10/2012 . Living in NJ
Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #528 on: June 21, 2016, 07:05:00 PM »
Guy emails me and ask what's my favorite position .. Oo wait .. He did say I was gorgeous first lol. I asked him if that line really works and do girls really say .. Ok let's have sex ?  Ugh ..
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

SunshineFL

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #529 on: June 21, 2016, 07:44:02 PM »
Guy emails me and ask what's my favorite position .. Oo wait .. He did say I was gorgeous first lol. I asked him if that line really works and do girls really say .. Ok let's have sex ?  Ugh ..

Ugh is right, @momtojandj. :'( :'( :'(

Lots of guys approaching me the same way when absolutely nothing about my profile indicates that is what I'm looking for.

Momtojandj

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  • Widowed since 10/2012 . Living in NJ
Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #530 on: June 21, 2016, 08:18:09 PM »
Ok here's another fun fact.. I have gotten maybe 3 or 4 in last week email me, and not really my type and on top of that they live maybe 1-2 hours away . Now if I really was interested , maybe I would try. Since not my type , I say distance , too far. Well don't you know, all four try to convince me they don't mind driving to meet me . What the heck ! I can't get guys in my town to want to meet me, but guys a state over are ready to meet ? I give !
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

Captains wife

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #531 on: June 22, 2016, 08:15:33 AM »
Ugh - what is wrong with some of these guys on these dating sites....

I thought this dating article was interesting....and have seen this myself

http://elitedaily.com/dating/benching-dating-trend-ghosting/1528137/

SunshineFL

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #532 on: June 22, 2016, 10:09:08 AM »
Ugh - what is wrong with some of these guys on these dating sites....

I thought this dating article was interesting....and have seen this myself

http://elitedaily.com/dating/benching-dating-trend-ghosting/1528137/

Wow @captainswife ... Great article! (Meaning honest, clear and so on point - not that the subject matter is uplifting in any way....more ughs.)

"...ghosting (and benching), the fact that I’m even comparing these two pathetic acts is simply proof of the unbelievably passive and dishonest dating culture we’re participating in.

"Honesty is the only real antidote, but since nobody’s willing to just say, “Hey, I’m not that into you,” or “If I’m being honest, there’s someone else I like a lot more,” we’re just getting more and more diseased as a dating culture.

"If you want to have a healthy dating life, don’t waste your time with anyone who’s not a “fuck yes.” You have better things to do than waste months or years in dating purgatory."

Love it!
So true.

Here is a link to one of the other really good articles linked in that article: 

http://nymag.com/betamale/2016/06/benching-ghosting.html
« Last Edit: June 22, 2016, 10:31:00 AM by SunshineFL »

StillWidowed

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #533 on: June 22, 2016, 11:14:57 AM »
And even if you think he's a "fuck yes" and he's not looking at you as a "fuck yes" then you need to move along in that situation too.  Men really are simple creatures.  If they're hungry, they eat.  If they're tired, they sleep.  If they're interested, they pursue.  If he's texting you and not asking you out, break off contact.

serpico

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #534 on: June 22, 2016, 01:07:24 PM »
And even if you think he's a "fuck yes" and he's not looking at you as a "fuck yes" then you need to move along in that situation too.  Men really are simple creatures.  If they're hungry, they eat.  If they're tired, they sleep.  If they're interested, they pursue.  If he's texting you and not asking you out, break off contact.

I guess you could save yourself some heartache this way, but it seems you could also me missing out with such rigid guidelines.  While some men (and women) are probably this cut and dried I don't think most are.
'I think I got some of your pickle'

StillWidowed

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #535 on: June 22, 2016, 01:19:26 PM »
Missing out on what?  A man that isn't showing interest or asking you out?  Yep, I'll gladly miss out on that.

Portside

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #536 on: June 22, 2016, 01:36:36 PM »
SW - I think Serpico was suggesting the benefit of dating a 'yes' in order to discover if he/she develops into a 'f*** yes'.

Mike
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

StillWidowed

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #537 on: June 22, 2016, 02:00:19 PM »
I understand what you're saying Mike.  My point is that I see many women (my own girlfriends included and in fact one along the lines of this subject right now) that is very much into a guy and he's absolutely benching her.  To her he's a f*ck yes, but to him she's an option. 

serpico

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #538 on: June 22, 2016, 02:01:46 PM »
Missing out on what?  A man that isn't showing interest or asking you out?  Yep, I'll gladly miss out on that.

Well, are you showing interest in asking him out?  If everyone used your strategy no one would ever ask first.
'I think I got some of your pickle'

StillWidowed

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #539 on: June 22, 2016, 02:23:28 PM »
Most men, not all, want to do the pursuing.  So we're going to go with the majority right now.  If he's not pursuing a woman and asking her out, he's probably not interested or benching her for a rainy day.  We can keep going back and forth on this.  You have your opinion and I have mine.