On line dating vents and laughs......

[Momtojandj]

Sunshine , thanks for the kind words .. He just stopped texting . Now that I think about it , maybe the video was weird and he sent them to many girls.. No clue why ? I've stopped trying to figure this all out . 

[arneal]

Hey, Sunshine! Sounds like some good things are happening for you. Funny -- I think the first guy I 'connected' with tried to reconnect on one of the sites today. He's a scammer and the profile was quickly deleted by the admin's. I have a couple of people I am friendly texting with ... wondering if I'll have to kick them to the curb since (I may have mentioned) they get friendly quick with the 'honey' and 'babe' tossed into the conversation. One dude is the poetry master -- must have one of those love poem sites bookmarked on his phone as he's sent me a couple. I mention the author and say it's nice, just so he doesn't think I'm over here swooning.

As far as my 'met in person' person, we've been getting together pretty regularly on the weekends, except for this one. He works crazy hours (confirmed ... he has on-call times as a technician and I've witnessed what that looks like) so I tend to maybe send a text during the early part of the week and another toward the end and we talk to confirm the plan. He's come over and I've cooked dinner, we went to see fireworks on the 4th, we've gone to the movies and out to dinner ... but he fell off the earth this weekend. Last texts were Friday after he worked an extra long day with a suggestion to get together yesterday (Saturday) but I didn't hear from him at all. I tried to reach him today but had to leave a message. Only did that because a two or three weeks ago, he called me on a Thursday and was concerned about not hearing from me; turns out he hadn't received my texts at the beginning of the week. So, will leave it go and see what happens next.

[Needytoo]

Hi Sunshine FL, I did texted that one guy.  It went back and forth and stopped at my last text.  I can see when he goes online but I haven't received any messages back.  Guess that one stopped before it started.  Not sure what I did wrong? 

Thanks for asking how I am doing, I can't remember how long someone actually asked that question to me. My weekend kind of sucked to be honest. On Sunday I thought I had enough and sent out some more messages to guys and chatting with a few right now.  I really want to be done with all this solo stuff. 

How are you? 

[MrsDan]

The premature terms of endearment were a total deal breaker for me. BF and I didn't even start using them until we had been serious a few months. To me, there is something so presumptuous about it. I mean, the two most important men in my life, my husband and my father (this was before my boyfriend, now he's the third) used them, and I used to think, what makes you think you are on par with them? It has to be earned, the right to use them, in my opinion.

[SunshineFL]

The premature terms of endearment ... [have] to be earned, the right to use them, in my opinion.

Amen @MrsDan....and makes them that much more precious in a way that sets off the intimacy you each share from the rest of the world. If they are tossed about "willy nilly" like that to every women they chat with, they are meaningless - IMHO.

[SunshineFL]

Sunshine , thanks for the kind words ..  I've stopped trying to figure this all out .

You are welcome. 

Great first step to being "present" with the whole process and in the moment @momtojandj . What I mean is that it really isn't on us to "understand" the actions/inactions of the one on the other side of the screen so early in the initial "meet" - but more to know our true selves, what feels like self-respect and dignity for ourselves and to communicate in the best way we know how. The rest should flow from there - she typed caringly and theoretically speaking, of course. 

[SunshineFL]

Hey, Sunshine!

... He's a scammer and the profile was quickly deleted by the admin's.

... they get friendly quick with the 'honey' and 'babe' tossed into the conversation.

...One dude is the poetry master.

...As far as my 'met in person' person,
... but I didn't hear from him at all. I tried to reach him today but had to leave a message
... turns out he hadn't received my texts at the beginning of the week. So, will leave it go and see what happens next.

Hi @arneal! Great reading your update, too.
You're a sharp cookie, my friend. 

ID'ing the scammers, calling out the plagiarizers and the false terms-of-endearment ones - well done.

Last year, a man who said he was an architect, environmentalist and into Zen meditation wrote what I thought was one of the most insightful, heartfelt profiles of how to cherish and honor women. It read like a modern poem. I wrote to him and we exchanged a few nice messages, but something felt off. I searched a few lines of his profile and - sure 'nuf - it was a well-published poem written by an author, poet and artist. When I calmly mentioned it to him in a written note - noting that it would have been no issue if he had credited the author and letting the women reading his profile know that she mirrored his sentiments exactly, rather than creating the appearance that these were his words .... he got belligerent and started slinging words back at me harshly. So much for the Zen meditation and lovingkindness.

And, my sense about your in person guy, it is sort of rare to "miss texts" etc and, just from the way you wrote things out, sounds like you may be initiating contact and connection more often rather than either balanced communication or him also initiating times to talk to and make plans to see you. Perhaps mention that to him in a kind question next time he reaches out.

In the meantime, whether true or not, you sound like you do a great job of keeping busy and not letting the process overwhelm or overtake you. Keep us posted. Wishing you all the best on the journey.

[SunshineFL]

Hi Sunshine FL,

I did text that one guy.  ...  Not sure what I did wrong? 

Thanks for asking how I am doing, I can't remember how long someone actually asked that question to me. My weekend kind of sucked to be honest. On Sunday I thought I had enough and sent out some more messages to guys and chatting with a few right now.  I really want to be done with all this solo stuff. 

How are you?

Hi @Needytoo - oh goodness, I'm so glad I asked, really.
Glad you wrote back with an update and stayed connected.

Of course I wasn't a part of your text conversations with that man, but like I mentioned to @momtojandj in Reply #605 , and like @robunknown mentioned a few posts up - you likely didn't do anything "wrong" on the "right and wrong" spectrum. It just is. We don't know anything about his real motivation to be online, whether his intention is to make one true connection and build it to a relationship or just be on there clicking about - or any number of variations in between. Just let it go with the wind, if you can.

And, as to feeling isolated and quiet for a bit of time, I just read this quote on my Instagram feed, and thought I'd share it with you:

"A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that the next time you feel alone." - Mandy Hale / @thinkgrowprosper

Great that you opened up new options by messaging a few potentials. You just never know, right? It just takes one - in its right time.

I'm doing really well, thanks for asking.
Lots of imminent changes in the coming weeks for me (change is the only true constant, right?  ), so I'm just loving that it is summertime slowdown right now and grateful that things, health, life, my kids and more are good. Stay in touch. Chat more soon. 

[arneal]

Yes, Needy -- so good to see you! And no, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I had a guy message me a while ago. We texted for about a day or two and then he ghosted. Whatever. I don't have time for that. Had a guy send me the online dating equivalent of 20 questions yesterday or day before ... his last questions were about what I did for a living and when I told him, he then asked me if I liked what I did. My response: 'Of course -- if I didn't, I wouldn't be in debt trying to make it work' (closed with a nice smiley face and lol). He disappeared. Again, whatever. Don't try to get all up in my business and get judgmental ... it'll make me think that when you saw 'widow' you also saw dollar signs. I work in education, so I'll most likely be cash-poor until after I die ...

Sunshine -- can't remember if it was on this thread or another, but I mentioned reading a bit about zodiac sign traits. Again, I don't read horror-scopes (lol) or any of that muck, but from the psychological perspective, I am interested in how much like our star signs we are. I see a lot of Aquarius in me, so when I found out he was a Cancer, I had to go research. It seems that our star signs are not naturally compatible but with work can be a dynamic duo. That was good news In reality, I see that his communication style and mine tend to be different, which is okay too. We're in the learning stage, right? Got a text this morning; he said he went off grid for the weekend and he'll ring me tonight. I can understand that; I live by my own schedule and can happily not deal with people for long stretches if needed for my own mental comfort. I plan to have a conversation about where I'm coming from, as you mention, in a caring way. After all, we can only come from the spaces we know best.

As another aside, one of the 'terms of endearment' fellas texted me this morning to ask if I missed him. Really? My Jersey girl almost came out but I replied nicely that I would reserve my answer since we don't know each other that well yet. The second 'terms of endearment' fella texted something about thinking of me all the time. Again, really? You don't know me, dude. Guess you're thinking of the me of your imagination ... lol.

[Needytoo]

Thank you Arneal and SunshineFL it means a lot that you guys care. 

Now on to the update one guy messaged me but I didn't notice he lived a distance away, he is willing to relocate.  I have no idea what even his name is.  Thinking I just might ghost on that one.

Another guy has asked me what I do for a living before asking what my name is. Weird stuff.

[serpico]

Thinking I just might ghost on that one.

How about instead letting him know that you're concerned about the distance and you just don't think it would work out?  Nobody enjoys being ghosted.

[momtokam]

Hello friends!

I haven't posted on this thread in a while.
I haven't had any material for you!

It looks like there are many of you that have kept this thread alive though. Kind of sad in many ways what we have to encounter in the crazy on line dating world.

Please don't take these crazies out there, personally. I know it's hard and I have fallen in that trap many, many times. Don't be afraid to tell them what's on your mind. You just may be entertained in their responses! And we all can use some laughs! Perhaps some honesty and prodding might even bring out a different side of them. Stranger things have happened!

To the most recent dating posters, Momtojandj,  Arneal,  Needytoo, Klim, Imissdow,  SunshineFL....I am sending the biggest hugs!

I want to know how you all are doing...really.
You are amazing ladies, don't let anyone make you feel otherwise! 👭

[arneal]

Thanks so much, momto! I am making necessary changes in my life, which keeps me busy when I'm not feeling absurdly lonely for a relationship Fortunately, I am much too private a person to do the hook up thing, as based on one of my Facebook friends who delights in sharing crazy Tinder stories, would be simple to find. I have given myself home improvement and personal improvement projects, including cleaning the garage (finished Phase One today! Now I can start re-organizing) and going to the gym regularly. I want to take care of me and mine so when the time is right for me to be in a relationship I will have something to offer that is (hopefully) comparable with whatever he will bring.

Needy -- I agree with Serpico; no one wants to be ghosted and as momto said, don't hesitate to say what you mean. The last two people I've been texting (the early romantics lol) both are at a distance. I was very clear that I am interested in connecting with someone close by and am not in a position to travel. They have continued to text for the most part. Haven't heard much since yesterday when I made it clear that I was not going to quickly reciprocate their endearments. Such is life but at least they know where I'm coming from. We can't always figure out the motives of others but at least we can be clear about our own.

[momtokam]

Sounds like you have a good attitude and making some positive moves in your life Arneal. Way to go girl!

[arneal]

I'm trying!