On line dating vents and laughs......

[jgib]

Julester3, hot stuff!!

I went to my first meet and greet in over a year.  The guy is 10 years older than me but I am trying to be more open. Poor guy was so nervous and I felt he overshared.  Now don't get me wrong I really want a  relationship that we both feel safe that we can share but doing it within 15 minutes I find weird.  We shared our phone numbers and he was texting me a lot during the day. I am not used to that and it feels weird.
He wants to go for coffee and go for a drive. Just not feeling that is a right thing to do. Advice?

Be open and honest right away.  If it isn't working or right tell him right away.  It will only get tougher later with more resentment.  If you need to go slower, just tell him that too.  Widows are different then divorcees I think.  If he honours that it may be worth investigating, if he ignores it, move on!

[Needytoo]

People do have an easy time opening up to me, I should have become a therapist instead.  He is showing me a lot of attention with his texts (calling me at work), on one hand I guess I am enjoying it but other hand it feels weird. The brain just goes wild telling me stories.
  Guess I will suggest we get together again to get to know each other, but there will be no driving together in his car until I feel completely safe. 

[arneal]

Needy -- your post here reminded me of my first face to face with NG; I arrived way early, backed into a near-front parking space, and I layed low behind the steering wheel. I had a bird's eye view of the front door to the place we were meeting, figuring I would be able to spot him and if I got a bad vibe, I could pull off quickly  It made me feel much better doing that, as well as telling two friends I trust with my life what was going on.

[Needytoo]

I went to a reiki treatment for our meet and greet.

I hope we can get together in a safe spot to get to know each other if not I am alright with it. 

Did an online course "fix your man picker". she actually had some good points. Focus your "must halves" more on feeling you want to have. She also recommended when reading men's online profile to remember it is a man writing them.  If you find three things you like (don't focus on anything you don't like) then it might be worth sending him a message.  Interesting.

[arneal]

Sounds like a great course, Needy! One thing that I once read that included great advice for women seeking to date a man: women typically do not think like men and vice versa. Don't judge based on your own space. Recognize there are different communication styles. Recognize he is probably just as freaked out by you as you are by him. Take the date for what it's worth and don't try to project what tomorrow might bring; on the same note, if he doesn't call or text immediately, don't think the Titanic has sunk -- most men don't obsess over all this like women do (does he like me? will he call to go out again? did he think I looked fat?) lol

[Love2fish]

f he doesn't call or text immediately, don't think the Titanic has sunk --

This.  Some men are literacy challenged and you will never get a complete thought out of a text message from them.  There are worthwhile men who who never had need of writing skills ( I'm speaking to pre-millenials now).  Having a sophisticated smart phone is no guarantee of sophisticated thoughts.

Then there are guys (I think I am one of these) who are literate but have a healthy aversion to too much texting.  Allow me a little rant here please?  I had a year+ long relationship with a woman who just had to text several times/day.  About important stuff.  We had more problems arise as a result of misinterpretation than I can recall without trauma.  Our relationship ended with a heartbreak for each of us because of misinterpretation.  You must talk IRL to be understood!

Here is another story from a meet & greet that I think is hilarious.  I usually gave my real name and cell phone # to a woman just before the M&G.  I did not ask for her number in return unless a second date was called for.  We had agreed to meet the next night when I gave her my # through POF.  In the next 18 hours I got over 20 text messages from her.   
Her final text was just to let me know she knew that I lived some distance and she was not tied down to where she now lives.  TMI and TMT (too much texting)

Thanks, I needed to get that off my chest.

Please keep this thread alive Needy.  We are all living vicariously through your adventure.   When I was doing M&Gs all my friends did so through me.

[Needytoo]

Sure Love2fish I will keep the thread alive.  Remember I said this guy was texting me a lot.  This morning he sent me a message through the dating site. I thought it was different but I replied.  He just asked me my name using the dating site.  (Good thing I took the "fix your man picker course)

[arneal]

Love2fish -- so appreciate your rant! I saw a meme on social media of a woman who comes home to her signif; she is all mad and begins to tell him how tough her day was and that she was irritated he hadn't texted her all day. He replies that he knew she was busy. She responds that hearing from him would have helped alleviate her irritation about work. I stopped watching there, wondering if this was real life for some people. Don't get me wrong: a well-placed text message is a lift. However, if I'm under deadline and have enough work on my plate to last until 9 pm, a 'what are you doing I was thinking of you' text is not going to get the loving response to the sentiment with which it was sent. And I'm a woman feeling like that. My NG has a demanding job and is not one for a bunch of texting, so I can only imagine how weird he would find such behavior 
Okay, my rant is over now too 

[Love2fish]

You must have exchanged names at the M&G right Needy2 ?  He was so excited when he met you that his brain overloaded. 

[Needytoo]

That must be the reason. 

Trying to stay open. 

[RobFTC]

Then there are guys (I think I am one of these) who are literate but have a healthy aversion to too much texting.

I'm another.  I got so sideways with a woman a few years ago just from texting that I couldn't go through doors normally for awhile.  That one refused to talk on the phone when texting got weird, which I should have noted as a red flag.  Text messages are great for simple logistics or to keep in touch at a distance, but it's not a replacement for better forms of communication.

Take care,
Rob T

[Julester3]

I think nothing replaces good old fashioned talking person to person but however LH and I developed a text/chat culture. He was often on call in meetings and was a consultant so it'd be easier when he'd drop short texts when he had something on his mind and he couldn't call me directly. I do a lot of documentation work so I am on a computer a lot so it was just handy. I'm finding I'm meeting both types of men - those who text and those who do not text much. It's definitely something to figure out with new people.

[arneal]

Wow! Just saw a news story about a man who filed a lawsuit against his date for the price of a movie ticket. They met online and when they met to see the movie, he says she was texting the whole time. When he asked her to stop, she went outside the theatre to text and never came back. The manager of the theatre wants to give the man a gift card to drop the suit.

[BrokenHeart2]

This world is going nuts!

[Julester3]

That is crazy. The lady was rude but still! Crazy!