Author Topic: On line dating vents and laughs......  (Read 146242 times)

Momtojandj

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  • Widowed since 10/2012 . Living in NJ
Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1320 on: June 17, 2017, 11:07:37 PM »
Is it too passive aggressive to post on my Facebook ... dear friends , since I've been single and using online I have seen three of your husbands , one of our boyfriends and another husband looking for a three way using online dating sites. I won't say who , but you might want to check out tinder and OkCupid . ;-) .
I would never post that, but I'm so tired of seeing this crap .
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

Bunny

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1321 on: June 17, 2017, 11:29:47 PM »
Is it too passive aggressive to post on my Facebook ... dear friends , since I've been single and using online I have seen three of your husbands , one of our boyfriends and another husband looking for a three way using online dating sites. I won't say who , but you might want to check out tinder and OkCupid . ;-) .
I would never post that, but I'm so tired of seeing this crap .

While it's true they could be heartless cheaters, it could also be true they are in open or sexless relationships- you just never know what goes on behind those closed doors...
It is a fearful thing to love what Death can touch.

Momtojandj

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  • Widowed since 10/2012 . Living in NJ
Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1322 on: June 18, 2017, 12:16:21 AM »
Bunny , I know , it's sad and I guess it hurts because I'm trying to find a nice guy and it just seems it's all so complicated out there .
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

Metv

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1323 on: June 18, 2017, 11:12:39 AM »
My counselor years ago summed it up.
Online dating, anything goes.

Love2fish

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1324 on: June 18, 2017, 08:36:51 PM »
Momto,
That is so creepy that you recognize guys who are probably cheating.  Have you considered writing to one of them and calling them out?  A couple women who I was talking to suspected me of some kind of cheating.  They called me out on it, or so they thought.  This did not bother me in the least and I admired them for applying due diligence.  I only dated smart women.  Their suspicions were easily set to rest with a link to DW's obit.

If you're mistaken and they have a good explanation then nobody lost anything.  If they get angry it's because they are guilty. 

Momtojandj

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  • Widowed since 10/2012 . Living in NJ
Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1325 on: June 18, 2017, 08:46:29 PM »
Lovetofish.. the one guy and his wife attend my gym classes , I'm friends with both on Facebook. Two others are neighbors and I know the wife and family . Another is a widow and her boyfriend was online. Problem is , I have no idea if these people have an open relationship, are together for the kids , separated but living together still.  I'm not good enough friends with any of them to know what goes on behind closed doors. Puts me in a weird predicament on what to do l
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

Metv

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1326 on: June 19, 2017, 08:53:24 AM »
Although I did meet some genuine and honest people on a dating site, in hindsight they were VERY few and far between. Unfortunately honesty wasn't a prerequisite to signing up.

StillWidowed

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1327 on: June 19, 2017, 02:26:04 PM »
So I came across this one guy online several months back.  He thought the hour distance would be too much.  I understood so we wished each other well and that was that.  Then last week I get a message from him.  Says he keeps coming back to my profile.  Can I rethink things and can we get to know each other?  I agree and we move from site to text.  He's a chemical patent attorney and he gives me his whole name as well as a link to the company he works for.  He said go ahead and call the direct line, so I do.  That's the point I've gotten to these days.  Right away I want to find out if you're real or not so I don't waste any time.  So he's very nice looking, accomplished and real.  So we begin to text and pretty quickly he asks me to dinner for Friday night (this is Tuesday).  There is some flirtatious banter and we move to Wednesday.  More texting and flirting and he now starts to up the game a little bit.  Lots of text messages laced with sexual innuendos. I make a general comment about it and we move into Thursday.  He greets me with "Hi Sexy" and I tell him I just got done working out so definitely not sexy.  He says something along the lines of "that's great you work out...you can be my workout partner and spot me when I bench press.  You'll need to lean over really far tho".  I immediately feel ICK and change the subject.  He goes quiet the rest of the day so I check in for our dinner date on Friday.  Ask him if it's still on.  He says yes and I comment that I was just making sure since this is a dating site and people blow hot and cold.  Of course he responds "We'll discuss blowing later and stop being naughty at work".  Now I'm really ICKed out and I call him on it.  Tell him we don't know each other and it's making me uncomfortable.  He responds that he needs to think about what I texted (jackass....think about what?  The fact that you're a douchebag?) then texts me later and cancels dinner stating that he likes to flirt and joke around and that if he can't be himself then he needs to pass on dinner.  Of course I tell him ok and take care!  I ask another male attorney friend of mine and he summed it up like this:

He just wanted to bang you.  He wasn't even slightly interested in you or your feelings. 

Of course I knew this but it was nice to hear it confirmed from another attorney and all around good guy.

NEXT!


arneal

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1328 on: June 19, 2017, 02:33:56 PM »
Yikes, StillWidowed. There are so many folks out there like that. Glad you were up front with him and have moved on. Guess he figures since he's good looking he can get as much booty as he wants, whenever he wants. Banter indeed.  ::)
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

trying2breathe

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1329 on: June 19, 2017, 05:26:28 PM »
Ugh, SW.  Better to learn this now rather than waste time & energy at dinner.  ICK


momtojandj    As you don't know these people well, maybe it's best to just leave it alone.  If I were good friends with somebody I would hope h/she would tell me about a cheating significant other, however to hear it from an acquaintance would be a different story.  Disappointing though to know that this is going on.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2017, 05:29:44 PM by trying2breathe »
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

Virgo

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1330 on: June 19, 2017, 07:50:05 PM »
StillWidowed...that is why I'm on a break and enjoying it! Im not against some sexual bantering, but if that's the majority of the conversation I lose interest.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Love2fish

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1331 on: June 19, 2017, 08:19:10 PM »

momtojandj ....... If I were good friends with somebody I would hope h/she would tell me about a cheating significant other, however to hear it from an acquaintance would be a different story......

I feel like I have to tell the rest of the story.  I was married twice.  The first ended badly.  The flash point was when a "friend" told my wife that she had seen me at Mc D's with a woman.  Our marriage was rocky already but without that flash point could we have worked things out?  I think that maybe we could have.  I wanted to try.  BTW I was innocent.  I planned on having my wife meet our new friend and neighbor.

If only the rat fink had confronted me honestly before talking to my wife, the politics of the situation would have been totally different.  If I met that rat fink today, 40 years later I would feel the sting again.

MrsDan

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1332 on: June 19, 2017, 08:42:24 PM »
So I came across this one guy online several months back.  He thought the hour distance would be too much.  I understood so we wished each other well and that was that.  Then last week I get a message from him.  Says he keeps coming back to my profile.  Can I rethink things and can we get to know each other?  I agree and we move from site to text.  He's a chemical patent attorney and he gives me his whole name as well as a link to the company he works for.  He said go ahead and call the direct line, so I do.  That's the point I've gotten to these days.  Right away I want to find out if you're real or not so I don't waste any time.  So he's very nice looking, accomplished and real.  So we begin to text and pretty quickly he asks me to dinner for Friday night (this is Tuesday).  There is some flirtatious banter and we move to Wednesday.  More texting and flirting and he now starts to up the game a little bit.  Lots of text messages laced with sexual innuendos. I make a general comment about it and we move into Thursday.  He greets me with "Hi Sexy" and I tell him I just got done working out so definitely not sexy.  He says something along the lines of "that's great you work out...you can be my workout partner and spot me when I bench press.  You'll need to lean over really far tho".  I immediately feel ICK and change the subject.  He goes quiet the rest of the day so I check in for our dinner date on Friday.  Ask him if it's still on.  He says yes and I comment that I was just making sure since this is a dating site and people blow hot and cold.  Of course he responds "We'll discuss blowing later and stop being naughty at work".  Now I'm really ICKed out and I call him on it.  Tell him we don't know each other and it's making me uncomfortable.  He responds that he needs to think about what I texted (jackass....think about what?  The fact that you're a douchebag?) then texts me later and cancels dinner stating that he likes to flirt and joke around and that if he can't be himself then he needs to pass on dinner.  Of course I tell him ok and take care!  I ask another male attorney friend of mine and he summed it up like this:

He just wanted to bang you.  He wasn't even slightly interested in you or your feelings. 

Of course I knew this but it was nice to hear it confirmed from another attorney and all around good guy.

NEXT!

Gross. This story reminded me of my third date with my boyfriend. I'd invited him to my Museum to see an exhibition I thought he'd like. We went to a nearby cafe for lunch and as we were leaving, a bit of melted ice fell and landed on my shoulder. He brushed it off. It was such a sweet gesture and I was starting to really like him and it was really endearing. I told him that later, how nice that was. He told me he wasn't sure, he thought it might be too much, too soon. (BTW, I made the first move.) :) I don't understand why so many guys don't get how off putting the aggressiveness is. Or maybe they do, and are just impatient.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2017, 08:44:15 PM by MrsDan »
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jgib

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1333 on: June 19, 2017, 10:42:18 PM »
Ok, ready for a long one?!

I am 3.5 years out.....maybe some of you know that already.  I lurk on some of the online sites.  Been for coffee a couple of times...either I wasn't interested or they weren't.  I'm cool with all that.

One fellow has stuck it out.  We have been texting for a long time, over a year.  We live quite far apart and have not met yet.  His pictures show me he is attractive enough but I have not met him in person.  I suspect he feels the same about my photos.

His life very much mirrors my DH and this makes me mildly nervous.  He connects with me often and I know things about his life and he about mine.  I have not shared all and we don't have super deep conversations as I don't think text lends to that really.

He often mentions that he would like more, but we haven't met yet!  I would like to meet in person before I decide that.  I am worried I am something in his head that I am not in real life!

So last night we were texting and he was doing some fairly harmless sexual banter.  I would have comfortably participated if it was someone I was more intimate with.  I kind of pulled up and told him he was naughty and bad.....he stopped.

What I know of him, I like.  This is all so strange....

I sent him this text: "Hi .........
Ready for a long post?

I think I should clear some things up...
I withdraw from your flirting and sexual banter, not because I don't like those things but just because I am not there yet.  I have never been one for casual sex or one night stands, having an emotional connection first seems to work best for me.

I do like you and our conversations, but we have not met yet.  I do not like to say things I may not follow through with.

I think being a widow has its own struggles.   I was married a long time to a man I loved very much.  I know it has been a while but I still find feeling NOT married as unusual.

I am not sure if I am protecting you or myself..... I have no desire to hurt you.  I also still think there is a tickle in the back of my mind that says if it can happen once, it can happen again......

I would like to think there is someone else out there for me.  I want to be open to it for sure.  I worry it may be too much of a challenge for some.  I certainly appreciate how you have hung in there..... :)

I would like to be open and honest with you.  We have not had many deep conversations so I thought I would lay it out there.

I am more then open to any questions you have and will answer them as best I can.

After all that (phew), I hope you have had a great day.... :)"

His response was sorry he offended me and he was teasing and that he would stop as he respected me and would behave.  I said I wasn't offended and I enjoyed playful but decided I should tell him what my thoughts were.

We continued to text for a little bit more.

I would love your thoughts and opinions.  I am at a bit of a loss......

Virgo

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1334 on: June 20, 2017, 01:38:07 AM »
jgib- These are the type of interactions with men lately that have underwhelmed me. If you have been texting for a year and haven't met in person you're an option, not a priority. If you enjoy talking with him I would leave it at that, friends. Just my opinion from what you've shared.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss