Author Topic: On line dating vents and laughs......  (Read 171984 times)

klim

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1455 on: November 17, 2017, 07:36:30 AM »
Scientifically analyze is what I always did and still do even though I've been dating a guy for almost 8 months. Apparently i can't just have raw emotions ( ie fall in love, instantly attracted). I need to analyze more, like how they got there and what there intentions are etc,

 Very rarely when on dates could I just go with the flow and just try and feel if it was good. I guess I didn't just trust my instincts.  think part of it was I'm fairly easy going and most often have fun no matter who I'm with, so I think the scientific analysis is just another way to figure out if they are actually a good fit because if I went with how I feel when I'm out on a date , usually i felt good.

Bottom line I get the whole analysing thing. I have no clue how people fall in love at first sight.....it takes me a long time.

Leadfeather

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1456 on: November 17, 2017, 08:32:30 AM »
I find myself analyzing also. I think it is because when I last dated I was 21. I had no idea what a good relationship was back then and I lived in the moment so there was no need to analyze. Fortunately, I got lucky and fell in love with a wonderful person.

Now I am just a few weeks short of 49. I know what a good relationship is and the level of commitment a person needs to make a good relationship after the honeymoon period. I also have children, albeit adult children and the woman I form a relationship with will most likely have children as well. Which means it is more than just my and her heart involved in the equation. So I analyze the dates I have to see if they have the criteria I know are necessary to for a lasting relationship because I don't want to depend on luck alone.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

Bunny

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1457 on: November 17, 2017, 09:30:30 AM »
Just read this and thought some of you might appreciate her perspective on the whole on-line dating frustration: http://bust.com/sex/193430-on-dating-and-male-entitlement.html
It is a fearful thing to love what Death can touch.

Abitlost

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1458 on: November 17, 2017, 10:14:34 AM »
Missmybecky,

Yes, dating sucks, but chances are you dodged a bullet there. Whatever her rationale (or ghost), better she flake at 6 weeks than 6 months.

abl

tybec

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1459 on: November 18, 2017, 08:00:27 AM »
Quote
Divorced guys: you can see the trail - his fault vs her fault, changed goals, fell out of love, cheated, etc. The single guys who have had nothing or little to show for it do make me wonder...so what are they hiding to get this far in life with little to no relationship experience or longevity? If they were fine in the bachelor life all this time, hit 40 and now wanting the whole 9 yards? Are these guys I want to be with?

Same story as far as I dated at age 14 and married him. No dating as an adult.  I had these same thoughts.  And what other options?  A widowed person.  So, I somewhere decided there was no perfection.  Perhaps Chapter Two is more difficult and if you find and can love/commit after losing a long term soul mate, then maybe it is extraordinary on a whole new level.  LOTs more warts and all. 

Good luck!  I am here, also.  Am dating a guy now going on two years, but still figuring it all out.

arneal

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1460 on: November 19, 2017, 03:17:30 PM »
Good points tybec. It has to be much harder for those who had an ideal situation before. I had a horrid first go at marriage and was grateful for the second go. I learned that love is not painful but patient, among other good fortune cookie points  ;D But seriously, second LH taught me about accepting and loving myself and allowing someone else to love me as well. I needed that to survive his illness and subsequent death as well as now moving forward with the life I need to live. NG I hope will be a deepening part of it as time goes on and I recognize that I have never looked for perfection but for someone who is willing (to use your words) accept my warts as much as I accept theirs :)
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Leadfeather

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1461 on: January 11, 2018, 02:10:09 PM »
One of my dates turned into a 2 month thing. She has been going through some issues at work and with her kids that have added a lot of stress to her life. Even through all that I found I really liked her and enjoyed spending time with her. And from what I can tell, she enjoyed spending time with me. The last few days have been rather quiet on the texting and phone call front. This afternoon my text asking if she would be interested in getting together some time this weekend was met with "I am not sure yet, I am re-evaluating dating"

It is disappointing.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

trying2breathe

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1462 on: January 11, 2018, 05:40:17 PM »
Leadfeather  Sorry that you're dealing with this disappointment, it sounds like maybe there's something going on that you're not aware of?  If you care about the relationship, I would ask her what's going on and what she's thinking.  Possibly there's too much on her plate right now, but not to stereotype - okay I will  :D - women sometimes can get a bit wonky when things are off.  I'm going through some of this myself right now -
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

Portside

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1463 on: January 11, 2018, 07:03:32 PM »
. . .  getting together some time this weekend was met with "I am not sure yet, I am re-evaluating dating"


Even if she decides to get together, do you really want to?

If she is indecisive about dating, I'd take that as a negative and not something I want to deal with. 

Sorry.
 
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

trying2breathe

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1464 on: January 12, 2018, 08:08:27 AM »
Even if she decides to get together, do you really want to?

Yes, do you want to try in this relationship?  She may truly be re-evaluating dating.

On the other hand - interpretation of her words from a female perspective -
I wonder if he wants to stick with me even though I'm going through some stress right now.  Wonder if he's okay with some of the tougher times, is he okay with me when I'm not at my best?

She may be putting out this re-evaluation comment to test the strength of your relationship.
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

serpico

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1465 on: January 12, 2018, 08:38:10 AM »
She may be putting out this re-evaluation comment to test the strength of your relationship.

If this is the case I'm hoping Leadfeather runs like the wind. If she's gonna play mind games this early on she's not worth his time.
'I think I got some of your pickle'

jgib

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1466 on: January 12, 2018, 09:23:59 AM »
I am going to make an opposite suggestion to what T2Bthought it may be..... perhaps she has decided that she does not want to continue to see where it will go with you both and is trying to give you a soft exit.

Or perhaps she does have a lot on her plate right now and she is finding she does not have the energy to develop a new relationship.  It does take a lot of energy!  My suggestion is a polite message to say ‘thanks for letting me know, if you ever want to reconnect feel free to text.’  Or something along those lines.  Oh, and that is if you don’t want to just call it quits right away.

I believe, either way, she is sending you a message that some space is needed whether for a short time or permanently.

Leadfeather

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1467 on: January 13, 2018, 02:57:44 PM »
We communicated a bit more last night. The feeling I get is this is not a brush off, I think she honestly needs some time to deal with some major issues. I have left the door open for us to see each other again as I believe she is worth the effort. Thank you everyone for the advice.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

twin_mom

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1468 on: January 13, 2018, 05:52:34 PM »
LF, I told NG something similar - we had just started chatting and it was going well, but I had a lot going on with work and the holidays were coming up...so I told him I was sorry, but I didn't want to meet as I was going to take a break from dating. He said "it's just a cup of coffee, not forever". A few days later we did meet at Starbucks - and sat talking for 7 hours. We've been together 4 years - and I think a large reason why is because he gave me that space to sort things out and find my footing.
I share this to say - hopefully she does need time to sort her life and she'll be better able to persue a relationship soon because you gave her the space.

Englishwidow

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Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
« Reply #1469 on: January 14, 2018, 03:28:19 AM »
I have just started seeing someone for first time since Husband died.

I have had some big, inexplicable, swings between fear of it all, fear of leaving Husband behind and moving away from him, and really wanting to meet and engage with new man. No rhyme nor reason.

Hes a widower of 4 years and just very understanding. No pushing. ‘Lets meet when you feel comfortable’ etc. That made it much easier. I was able to choose when met, when communicated etc. No hurtling into things. My pace. My comfort zone. Safe.