Author Topic: Missing my Jack, needing support  (Read 1849 times)

briana

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Missing my Jack, needing support
« on: July 16, 2015, 05:34:42 PM »
My best friend and soulmate died on July 2nd. A friend suggested this website and I having been reading the posts and feeling relief that others are out there who have experienced this unbelievable loss.  The first few days there were people constantly in and out of the house, and this helped me and the kids very much.  But as everyone slips back into their routine, the reality of our loss is slowing sinking in.... I am sure I don't have to say that no one gets it!  I want to continue to talk about Jack, to try and process but I feel like I am contagious.  My friends want to help but they don't know how, my immediate family members are suffering too so we all just end up in a sobbing mess.  I am 41 and Jack and I were together for almost 17 years as a couple and have known each since child hood.  Our connection was beyond anything I have ever experienced even when we were kids, just total familiarity, love and friendship.  Now the days, months and years are stretched out in front of me and the thought of it makes me feel so LOST.  On top of this, we lost Jack to suicide. It was totally unexpected and I have been banging my head to think of the signs I missed.  Over the last few days we have found that there were some major financial issues that he had been struggling with since the loss of his business 4 years ago.  How could I have not known?  He must have felt so sad and desperate inside but afraid to reach out.  He must have felt he was protecting us from this... I just don't know.  I try to focus daily on the fact that I was able to experience a love like ours, that we have amazing children, and that we didn't take each other for granted.  I try hard NOT to focus on his last moments, the last sweet words he said and how I will manage to parent our girls and make him proud!  These thoughts are just too sad at this point.  There is so much more I could say but its so hard.  I appreciate that this support exists, there is no group locally and I so needed to say some of these things. 

canadiangirl

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Re: Missing my Jack, needing support
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2015, 06:34:55 PM »
I am so sorry for the loss of your Jack.  My sincere condolences.  I know you will hear from other SOS (I am not one). I hope this board continues to provide you with a source of comfort and support.  You are definitely, assuredly not alone.

Jess

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Re: Missing my Jack, needing support
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2015, 06:52:21 PM »
Welcome Briana. I am so very sorry you lost Jack. He sounds like he was a wonderful partner to you and father to your children. My husband did not pass as a result of suicide, but there are members here that are survivors of suicide that can lend you an understanding ear for that specific situation.

All of us, no matter how our loved ones passed, understand how hard it is to live with grief and the desperation to find someone that gets it. Remember, it is okay to cry, it is okay to feel lost, it is okay to give yourself time. Keep posting and sharing as much as you need or want to. We are listening and we get it. I am wishing you much peace and comfort.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

WifeLess

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Re: Missing my Jack, needing support
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2015, 07:24:08 PM »
briana,

Welcome to Young Widow Forum.

The psychological trauma of the SOS (survivor of suicide) of a loved one is classified among the most extreme that a person may ever experience. And this is made even worse when that suicide is of one's spouse, whose death is ranked as the single most emotionally stressful event in an adult's life.

There are a number of us here who have borne the extraordinary burden of the SOS widow(er), and we have often shared our stories on this site, especially in the Specific Situations section. Hopefully it will bring you a measure of comfort to know that you are not alone.

Sorry for the traumatic loss that brought you here.

--- WifeLess

Trying

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Re: Missing my Jack, needing support
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2015, 10:31:45 PM »
I am very sorry for your loss. Right now you have to try to focus just on today, what you need to do to take of yourself and your children.  Looking for answers and looking too far ahead is too daunting.  You have found a wonderful support network here, when you feel no one in your life "gets it" you can find people here who unfortunately do.
You will forever be my always.

DebW

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Re: Missing my Jack, needing support
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2015, 12:15:55 AM »
I didn't lose my husband to suicide but I did lose him recently and we are of similar age - I'm 40, he was 41. Your situation is heartbreaking, words are insufficient but I just wanted to reach out to you and send my love and a huge hug to you. Please take care of you, I know how it seems impossible to take a second for yourself but you are important. xox



Mizpah

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Re: Missing my Jack, needing support
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2015, 12:29:43 PM »
I try to focus daily on the fact that I was able to experience a love like ours, that we have amazing children, and that we didn't take each other for granted.

Keep this habit like a mantra.  It is a dark, dark road for some time, so keep turning to the light (inside you and in the world) whenever you can.  Sending tons of support from 4+ years out.  This is a place where you can say it all to people who truly, deeply get it - though therapy helped me a ton too, because I wanted to talk about him all the time in real life (I also filled several journals with jotted notes about him - memories, characteristics, mannerisms, phrases, everything I could possibly think of that made him him).  Try to focus on the here and now as much as possible - long-term future thinking will paralyze and crumble you right now, in my experience/opinion.  Keep on bearing the unbearable.  I wish you bits of solace and comfort every day.  Sending love. 
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

donswife

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Re: Missing my Jack, needing support
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2015, 01:46:36 PM »
So sorry about you losing your Jack
I am glad you find your way here
this can be such a help with people who unfortunately understand
Some of the best advise I got was here and I think that's what saved me for losing my mind
please reach out as much a you want and take one minute and a time
and remember to breathe
take care
My everything

Jen

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Re: Missing my Jack, needing support
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2015, 09:45:16 PM »
Oh, Briana. I am so, so very sorry for the loss of your precious Jack. My husband was my best friend from childhood, and even though we only had four years together as a married couple, we had loved each other for a quarter century. I was 39 when he passed suddenly, three days after his 40th birthday. That was 15 1/2 months ago-- some days it feels like barely a week, and others it's at least a century.

Breathe. Drink some water whenever you think about it-- keep a bottle by you. Keep talking. We're here. We get it.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton