Author Topic: Being left out still hurts  (Read 5940 times)

Trying

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  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: Being left out still hurts
« Reply #30 on: July 17, 2015, 07:34:46 AM »
So last night the group who left me out of the fireworks invited me for a girls night, this was the second invite since leaving me out, I refused the first, so even though I couldn't get there until 8:30 after a long day, I decided to go and give them a chance.  I thought the 2 recent invites must be because they felt bad.  So I went, and it was awkward and they made several references to funny things that happened at the fireworks and several other get togethers I wasn't included in.  They were oblivious that I had been hurt.

I didn't bother to say anything.  What's the point?  I also got several comments about how strong I am so handling packing up my home, downsizing and moving will be no problem for me.  I guess my super human strength and lack of emotions lets everyone else off the hook.
You will forever be my always.

luvmy2babies

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Re: Being left out still hurts
« Reply #31 on: July 17, 2015, 08:35:49 AM »
We know in some cases remarks about our strength can be translated into "you don't need help...great"  Hugs

Carey

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  • Widowed 11/23/13 Joined YWBB 12/2/13
Re: Being left out still hurts
« Reply #32 on: July 17, 2015, 09:33:12 AM »
that was like a major aha moment.  It's not so much we are so strong, but if they THINK we are, then they are , as Trying said, off the hook. People have to KNOW we wont pop up and beg to go or beg to be involved. My sister used to be my best friend. Now we are stuck in a catch 22. She doesn't call me because I don't call her. I don't call her because I feel she is too busy for me.Yesterday I saw on facebook that my sister, mom and aunts were on their way to SC to see my other Aunt and uncle at the beach. Something we ALWAYS did together. I was so hurt and I almost snarkily said "Have fun with that".  But didn't.  I just don't understand, and obviously it's not just me... its widow-wide :(
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

Sugarbell

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Re: Being left out still hurts
« Reply #33 on: July 17, 2015, 11:09:15 AM »
Ugh!!

Yes...I would get the "girls" only invites for a while....but I was chopped liver as far as couple parties. And yes....they would talk and laugh about previous things that happened at the couples parties I would be left out of. I remember thinking "Are they freaking for real?? or just a special kind of stupid"

I think in their heads that I would be uncomfortable with couples parties....but the real issue was THEY were uncomfortable with my new single status.

I know people dislike Fakebook....but for me-it helped me reconnect with my old high school friends-some that now live in surrounding areas...some were divorced, widowed...unhappily married (lol) and even happily married....But it didn't matter...We hang out...sometimes I was the third wheel-but they didn't care.

And it did help me expand to other married people outside the old circle that weren't as cliquey...

Your "group" sounds so much like my old group. And now...honestly...I have nothing in common with them (except sons the same age)...I don't give being left out a thought because we aren't friends..I don't enjoy there company.

But it took me a few years to get to that point.

I used to want to call them out like "Oh that sounds fun...too bad I was moved to the D list and wasn't invited"

But I never did. I usually say there in disbelief.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

SimiRed

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  • Posts: 310
  • Widowed 9-19-09 Joined YWBB 10-2009
Re: Being left out still hurts
« Reply #34 on: July 17, 2015, 01:25:43 PM »
Wow, so sorry these people did this to you.  I'll never understand the way some people are designed. 

True friends are hard to find, they are the ones who are there for you even at your worst. 

((Hugs))
~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.