Author Topic: Big changes on the horizon  (Read 1474 times)


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  • aka MissingmyTim
Big changes on the horizon
« on: July 18, 2015, 06:48:17 AM »
Not that long ago I remember posting about feeling stuck, unable to make decisions or changes.  I was feeling that the past, my life with DH, our love, and the world we created together was holding me in place.  I spent most of my time wishing he was here, wishing I had my old life back, being sad and angry.  I wanted to move forward, I wanted to be happy but I had one foot in the past and most of my heart right there too.  I had my whole life planned out by the time I was 17 and everything went according to plan, college, career, marriage, kids, home.  Then DH got sick and was gone 4 months later. I found myself with the key part of my plan, my DH, missing.  My future was built around him, my dreams and plans were his too, and none of it was possible without him.

Then in May I found a new house that we will be moving to in 2 weeks.  I'm packing up the home that DH and I had built together, sorting through memories as I prepare to downsize and simplify. Deciding that the memories are always going to be with me even if many of his "things" are not has been difficult but freeing, I am slowly cutting the ties holding me in the past.  I am not forgetting my past or my love for DH but I can no longer live there in the past.

This week I also made the leap to begin my work towards a career change, moving forward on all fronts. It's an incredibly scary and emotional time and I really can't believe I am doing all of this.  I've been inspired by so many of my widda friends here who have taken chances and made big changes, either by choice or necessity.

I think I am finally getting the idea of moving beyond active grieving.  I can honor the past and my love for DH without living in the past. I can't have my old life and my love back but I can have a new life and new love and new dreams.  Change involves risk, something I have never been comfortable with which explains the intense anxiety I have been feeling but there is a feeling of excitement and hope too.

I needed to put this in writing so that when fear and doubt creep in I can read this and keep moving forward. I don't know what I would do without the support you all give me.
You will forever be my always.

A Tout Jamais

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Re: Big changes on the horizon
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2015, 07:44:03 AM »
Not that long ago I remember posting about feeling stuck, unable to make decisions or changes.

"Getting over a painful experience
is much like crossing monkey bars.
You have to let go at some point
in order to move forward."

~~ C.S. Lewis


May beautiful New Beginnings lie ahead!

ATJ  :)
« Last Edit: May 20, 2016, 09:35:51 AM by A Tout Jamais »
"Tu n'es plus là où tu étais, mais tu es partout là où je suis."
~~ Victor Hugo

"Je me souviens de toi ... Je me souviens de nous  - Il était une fois -  Je me souviens de tout!"


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  • Widowed x 2.
Re: Big changes on the horizon
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2015, 10:59:47 AM »
Good for you!  I've been through similar changes once (but without kids in the mix) and I realize that I'm going to have to do it again some day.  Funny, but I can't seem to look back on my previous experience for any inspiration. Everything feels more overwhelming this time around.  It will take me much longer to reach the point where I'm ready to make changes. 

You mention getting ready to make career will be interesting to see where this leads you...and to see how life unfolds in other ways. Keep us informed!


Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness


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Re: Big changes on the horizon
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2015, 12:09:41 PM »
I am in awe of the profound way you've built what's next.
Totally, completely proud of you! And he is, too. xo


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Re: Big changes on the horizon
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2015, 03:37:52 AM »
Wishing you peace as you navigate through.  Hugs.
"I always knew looking back on my tears would bring me laughter, but I never knew looking back on my laughter would make me cry." ~Cat Stevens