Author Topic: Skirting around the widow topic  (Read 1177 times)

biscuit

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Skirting around the widow topic
« on: July 23, 2015, 08:36:10 AM »
 How you guys skirt around the widow topic?

I'm talking about when you are trying to pretend you are normal and are talking to people and even the smallest topics relate back to your widowhood.

For instance, if someone asks me do I watch Game of thrones, do I give them a long answer, yes I used to but not anymore cause I watched it with my husband and then um, yea,....he died.
Or do I just lie and say no

The thing is im getting awfully tired of actively lying so I can skirt around topics that will eventually lead back to my widowhood state.

On the other hand, it seems pretty intense to bombard someone with the tragicness of your life when you are just making small talk.

Wheelerswife

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  • Widowed x 2.
Re: Skirting around the widow topic
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2015, 09:18:38 AM »
Ah, biscuit. I don't hold back much. Maybe it just the years of practice with the subject. I get asked all the time how I ended up living in Kansas. I usually say that it is a long story. If they persist, they get the full version. Eventually, it gets easier to tell the truth. I think, too, that you figure out quickly just who might be able to make a more real friend when you tell the truth. Some people can surprisingly relate.

Hugs to you!

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Trying

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Re: Skirting around the widow topic
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2015, 12:28:14 PM »
I skirt the subject less these day because I can talk about it without breaking down. Most of the time. For whatever reason I don't like people to think I am divorced and the father of my children is some kind of dead beat Dad who didn't love me.  So when the topic goes to areas that point out that I am a single mom I usually bring it up. 

I think it takes practice to get comfortable sharing your story and figuring out how to give the super short version and then move the conversation along at times when you don't want to get into it so much or the reaction you get makes you uncomfortable.
You will forever be my always.

anniegirl

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Re: Skirting around the widow topic
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2015, 12:38:19 PM »
Disclosure is relative to the day, the people and the situation.

Even ten years on, I still censor because it's a "need to know" thing and I often decide that people don't really need to know, nor do they really want to.

But you should do what feels best for you, keeping in mind that sometimes, you might over or under tmi.
This is not the droid you are looking for.

biscuit

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Re: Skirting around the widow topic
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2015, 12:53:06 PM »
Hmm....sounds like this is is really an art form
@Trying, maybe I should write up a super condensed version of my story and print it on a card like a script
@Maureen, yes I am realizing slowly that opening up can have its advantages because alot of people have also been through their share of adversity

Man, I really wish we had instructions for widowhood

anniegirl

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Re: Skirting around the widow topic
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2015, 01:05:04 PM »
If you ever run across a decent instruction manual, don't forget to share.
This is not the droid you are looking for.

lcoxwell

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Re: Skirting around the widow topic
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2015, 08:53:59 PM »
Maureen and I seem to be pretty similar in our openness about things. I generally am pretty open about my widow status, though I don't necessarily dwell on it or give long explanations. As a side note, though, I am also now in a solid, happy relationship with someone else. As he and I spend more time together and have more experiences to share and talk about, I find I am spending less time talking about my deceased husband and more time talking about my New Guy.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

donswife

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Re: Skirting around the widow topic
« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2015, 07:07:49 AM »
oh this is such hard topic for me also
just walking my dog in the park and you get to chatting with people and somehow always the question of
are you married comes up  argg its so hard to figure out what to say
my husband died 8 months ago is a quick way to stop a lovely walk for all of us
but i usually just say it, as gently as I can (for me and them)  I have had some wonderful responses
but some days I just want to be a person walking a dog

if you every find that widow manual I will buy a copy
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