Author Topic: One Year Today....  (Read 2321 times)


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One Year Today....
« on: March 10, 2015, 09:25:43 PM »
and I just feel numb.  I don't know if it is shock, or the fact that I have been sick for the last few days, but today, I just feel numb.  I am in utter disbelief that I could have made it an entire year without my Kenneth.  Here I am, though, so very numb.  Maybe it will sink in, in a day or two, and I won't feel this way.  Maybe it will hit me, when I finally slow down enough to head toward the bed.  I promised my New Guy I would take care of myself and get rest tonight, so I will have to go into that room, where my Kenneth died, and lie down on that bed, where he drew his last breath, in a little while.

I had wanted to write something heartfelt and profound to mark the one year anniversary, but I am too sick and tired tonight.  Maybe, in a day or two, I will find the words that I wanted to share.  I might make that my first official new topic in the "Beyond the First Year" section.  In the meantime, I will include my comments about his final day on my other thread about his last week.  It seems fitting to put it there.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.


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Re: One Year Today....
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2015, 09:33:17 PM »
Big hugs to you lcoxwell.  The one year mark brought such a mixed bag of emotions for me.  The lead up was tortuous then I realized that there was no magic in making it to a year, it simply meant an end to all of the "firsts". 

I hope you do take care of yourself and get some rest. 
You will forever be my always.


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Re: One Year Today....
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2015, 09:41:18 PM »
I'm sorry, it's such a hard day.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.


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Re: One Year Today....
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2015, 10:09:17 PM »
Is there such a thing as too many hugs? I wish I had something more tangible to offer...

I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton


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Re: One Year Today....
« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2015, 10:16:28 PM »
There's no pressure. No hurry.

The one year mark has such an epic milestone aura about it that we forget it's only one day more than yesterday and one less than tomorrow and nothing momentous is likely to happen or change from yesterday to tomorrow accept that a couple more days have passed by.

When the time comes to write, paint, sculpt, create whatever to express yourself and what your time together, and now apart, has meant - you will know and the expression will come.

Numb is normal. Getting to this day is exhausting in many ways.

You did good. And if you want to sleep in another room or on the sofa - do it.
This is not the droid you are looking for.


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Re: One Year Today....
« Reply #5 on: March 10, 2015, 10:54:33 PM »
You did it. It doesn't matter how the day went, you got through it. I hope you take some time to congratulate yourself on living through such a tough year. Big hugs. :)
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014


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Re: One Year Today....
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2015, 10:57:27 PM »
Wishing I could envelope you in a big hug. Or just sit beside you silently and pat your hand, the way my Grana does when I'm really at a loss for words. Or strength to say them. She pats my hand and murmurs, "There, there, Sugar."

I'll be looking for your "year post". The words will come, just let them flow, raw and unedited when they do.

Thinking of you tonight, lil missy.

Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas


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Re: One Year Today....
« Reply #7 on: March 11, 2015, 12:57:23 AM »


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Re: One Year Today....
« Reply #8 on: March 11, 2015, 01:49:52 AM »
Sending you huge hugs. You did it, girl. I totally relate to your feeling of being numb. I have found I get myself all worked up leading up to big days, but the actual day itself is just a day. Profound words will come when they come. Go easy on yourself.