Author Topic: I'm Stuck  (Read 3367 times)

injo

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Re: I'm Stuck
« Reply #15 on: August 14, 2015, 05:29:10 AM »
Oh, this is me. This is so me. I can't stand the thought of losing anyone or anything else. By the same token, I don't want anyone or anything new to care about. No more feels, please. Just... no more.

Sorry Jen, this is your quote(something went wrong)

hikermom

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Re: I'm Stuck
« Reply #16 on: August 14, 2015, 09:58:00 AM »
I'm so sorry you are feeling stuck but so glad you posted. Don't worry about being a "taker" - we've all been there. You need support and that is why this board is here. That is it.

As others have said, the process of becoming unstuck is very individual. And frankly, strategies can vary for me from moment to moment. Part of it is reminding myself that I've been stuck before and have come through it. So holding out hope for future action based on past success.

One thing that helps me in all areas of my life - not just grieving - when I'm stuck is breaking it down into little bite sized pieces.Sometimes everything feels so overwhelming that I become immobilized. I move through life getting done the bare minimum I need to do to function as a mother and employee. When that happens, I try to identify one or two concrete actions I can take that will help me feel more in control. Something as simple as sitting down and paying bills can lead to the next action. For me the feeling of "stuck" comes from inaction when I'm overwhelmed. If I can create actionable items, I can feel better able to then focus on myself and what I need to move forward.

I hope you find a way to manage this and know that you will move through this. It is truly part of healing.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows ...
and this is the wonder that?s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
~ e.e.cummings

Jen

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Re: I'm Stuck
« Reply #17 on: August 15, 2015, 03:00:06 PM »
((((((INJO))))))

((((((EVERYONE)))))))

Still hoping for hope...
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

Euf

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Re: I'm Stuck
« Reply #18 on: August 15, 2015, 05:59:11 PM »
My husband has been dead for almost 9 years. I felt stuck for a long time. But from 9 years out, I can see that I really wasn?t.  Maybe moving slowly but not stuck. I wish I could give you tips for getting unstuck but  (although it sounds trite)  sometimes it just takes time until you can see how far you have actually come. I think it may not be that we are stuck so much as we are impatient. Understandably impatient.   Once we had a real life but when we are widowed we end up in some limbo land where we don?t really seem to fit anywhere. Time keeps moving but we live in two worlds: the world of the past and the world of the present.  The future just seems to take so long to get here.

Just some rambling thoughts.

Jen

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Re: I'm Stuck
« Reply #19 on: August 15, 2015, 06:34:55 PM »
I think it may not be that we are stuck so much as we are impatient. Understandably impatient.   Once we had a real life but when we are widowed we end up in some limbo land where we don?t really seem to fit anywhere. Time keeps moving but we live in two worlds: the world of the past and the world of the present.  The future just seems to take so long to get here.


YES!!!! Sorry to yell, but YES, this sums it up exactly!!!

I hate this. I hate that I exist in this purgatory-- no past, no future, just this endless bleak now. I'm sure that's a terrible attitude, and I really am trying to modify it (affirmations, mindfulness), but this is where I am. As far as I can tell, it's where I'll always be. I recognize that that's not necessarily a rational perspective... change is the only constant in life, it's unlikely-- impossible?-- that in a year, five years, I'll be where I am today. But from where I'm sitting now, all I see is that straight, unbending, gray road, and I want to sit down right here and refuse to move another step. I'm so done. I don't want to do this anymore.

Nine years... I can't even imagine. When I'm 9 years out, I'll be... 48 years old. That doesn't seem too old, objectively speaking, but the idea of me being 48 is unfathomable to me. The idea of being 48 and alone is... horrifying. :(
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton