Author Topic: 30 Days No Contact  (Read 1453 times)

StillWidowed

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  • Posts: 68
30 Days No Contact
« on: August 13, 2015, 03:22:26 PM »
I'm at 30 days no contact.  I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me.  I knew this was over for good.  Now the reality is setting in.  It feels a lot like the stages I experienced when DH died.  Only I'm going thru the stages quicker this time. Just back to this feeling of yep, I'm alone again.  When I go back over the relationship, my head knows he didn't treat me right.  My heart on the other hand thinks of the good times when he did.  The relationship overall was not good since I've figured it was a 75% bad vs 25% good ratio.  I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up with my head.  I wish it would hurry up already.  Doesn't my heart realize the holidays are right around the corner?  Geesh!

Mel4072

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Re: 30 Days No Contact
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2015, 06:28:18 PM »
Lol!!

TooSoon

  • Guest
Re: 30 Days No Contact
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2015, 06:53:55 PM »
I got myself into a very unhealthy friends with benefits (all texting but still inappropriate) situation with someone I'd known since childhood and who was also completely unavailable.  I was vulnerable and became completely dependent on the relationship, dysfunctional as it was.  It took me some time even to be able to institute the no contact policy but I did it and it was painful but in the end it was just what we both needed.  You deserve more!  Solidarity.

sunshinedaydreamz

  • Guest
Re: 30 Days No Contact
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2015, 07:01:06 PM »
If he didn't treat you right, make it 100% on the bad, no contact permanently, side.
Yes you deserve more. Like 100% good, all the time, side.

mawidow

  • Guest
Re: 30 Days No Contact
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2015, 09:16:02 PM »
Well done, you! Sending support. We're in your corner.

Trying

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  • Posts: 1644
  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: 30 Days No Contact
« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2015, 03:40:53 AM »
So glad your head is thinking clearly, the damn heart can really get us in trouble!  Wanting a relationship, wanting someone to love and be loved by can cause us to overlook certain things, giving yourself time and distance to get clarity was so smart.  I hope your heart catches up quickly so you can be open to other opportunities.
You will forever be my always.

Captains wife

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  • Posts: 637
Re: 30 Days No Contact
« Reply #6 on: August 14, 2015, 07:14:39 AM »
First of all, good on you re. No contact. That can be very tough....I'm sorry that it hurts but it sounds like in the long run you will be better off. A relationship only 25 percent good will just keep you on an unhappy roller coaster. My first boyfriend post widow didn't end up treating me well, the whole thing was devastating  when he broke up with me by email. But I know now that it was in my best interest it ended- he wasn't a good person and he was a liar. Be good to yourself during this time- I personally found things like exercise, reading self help books (on relationships), keeping busy otherwise, the occasional spa visit all helped.

Mizpah

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  • Posts: 750
Re: 30 Days No Contact
« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2015, 10:02:43 AM »
I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up with my head.

I've heard and used the withdrawals/detox analogy.  We get attached and they're addictive - human relations - the good AND bad ones.  It hurts.  It just hurts.  Keep hanging on.  Solidarity!  Support!  Love!
widowed 2011 (DH 28)