Author Topic: Airports  (Read 2376 times)

canadiangirl

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Airports
« on: August 14, 2015, 06:21:48 PM »
This summer my child and I travelled across country to my DH's home province for the first time since his death, to scatter his ashes and see to DH's house and belongings there.  A tough part of it was arriving at the airport (coming and going) and not having him there to greet us.  I had a long distance relationship with my DH in the beginning - the best moment in the world was being in his arms again after an absence.  When he had cancer he would often stay at his (other) home longer while I returned early with our child, so the two of us would be there waiting at the airport, eagerly awaiting the first glimpse of DH coming down the escalator.  The reunions.  The gladness that he made it safely, that we were a complete family again.  This time -no one there.  Surrounded by happy reunions, I did my best to focus on getting to our destination and to be nonchalant in front of our child, but...it really gutted me this time, even after 19 months. I will never have that again.  Wanted to share in case this resonated with any other lonely travellers out there. 

SoVerySad

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Re: Airports
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2015, 06:29:10 PM »
I can only imagine how painful that must have been, CG. I'm sorry he couldn't be there waiting for you. These situations that keep arising that tear at our hearts is one part of widowhood others can't imagine. It is that "never again" part that is the hardest to accept.

Tight hugs to you...
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

Wheelerswife

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Re: Airports
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2015, 10:24:50 PM »
Yes!  I get this so much.  I travel a fair amount and he isn't there to greet me when I come home.  Over and over again. 

"The best moment in the world was being in his arms again after an absence."

Absolutely.  I try to imagine the feeling, both physical and emotional, and at 19 months, it is still there.  I'm afraid of forgetting.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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TooSoon

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Re: Airports
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2015, 10:40:16 PM »
I super get this.  My returns are always fraught.  We traveled together as a little family a lot for my work (and it was idyllic).  Airports meant adventure!  Doing it alone has had moments of feeling like I had agency again but also that bubble of aloneness.  In 2011, I had gone on a 3 week research trip and upon my return I knew something was wrong  and three weeks later we found out what it was (GBM).  Now it is coming home to the empty house that take me right back there yet alongside that now I have visits to the airport that necessarily mean hellos (happy) and goodbyes (traumatizing) and the empty house we come home to still.  Well, I will never get used to coming home to this empty house.  It guts me every time. I tell myself, just keep doing it and it will become part and parcel of how I live life and it will get easier.  Not sure that's going to pan out but it helps.  I get it.  xoxo 

DebW

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Re: Airports
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2015, 04:10:21 AM »
Yes.....it kind of is just that sense of not having that special someone who is there to pick you up, missed you while you were gone etc. We had a few family trips overseas and we loved the excitement of airports, I am planning a trip next year to Disneyland, LA. My husband and I went through the states and Canada in 2000, when our first child was born in 2004 we started a 'Disneyland' account - he made me promise I would still take them, it will be hard to do it without him but wonderful all the same.

Guaruj

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Re: Airports
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2015, 08:25:26 AM »
Surrounded by happy reunions, I did my best to focus on getting to our destination and to be nonchalant in front of our child, but...it really gutted me this time, even after 19 months. I will never have that again.  Wanted to share in case this resonated with any other lonely travellers out there. 

This does, indeed, resonate with me. I'm at 13 months out myself. I didn't want to travel anywhere in the first year, but I made two exceptions at 11 months. At that point, I wasn't used to being surrounded by so many strangers like that.

Quote
I will never have that again.

Certainly not with your husband, and I'm sorry that this trip confronts you with that fact. I do hope that, someday, you'll be once again greeted at your destination by someone you love.

|+|  M a r k  |+|

gracelet

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Re: Airports
« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2015, 07:29:22 AM »
Oh yes, honey. I get it. I often feel like bawling in duty free. In fact, I did earlier this year. I wrote about crying in the airport on my blog. If it helps, have a wee read: http://eerilycheerily.com/2015/04/07/duty-free-wife/

And this is another one about travelling alone: http://eerilycheerily.com/2015/04/04/travelling-sans-nagging-wife/
« Last Edit: August 16, 2015, 07:34:36 AM by gracelet »
Musings of this sarcastic but upbeat young widow can be read here : www.eerilycheerily.com

CBB

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Re: Airports
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2015, 11:16:17 AM »
This so resonated with me. I was proposed to at the airport! I was returning from a visit to my hometown and my fianc? picked me up at the airport, down on one knee, right in the middle of the airport. I may never be able to go there again. Sending you huge (((hugs))).
I am different! How could I not be?

Carey

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Re: Airports
« Reply #8 on: August 17, 2015, 07:36:25 AM »
The last time I ever saw Chad was at the airport. He was on his way to Saudi.  I think i've told the story on here before, but in a nutshell, he was never very demonstrative in public but that day i had the most amazing "send off" . They allowed me to go to the gate with him and we snuggled and talked for 2 hours and then when it was time for him to go,  two times he went down the jetway and came back to kiss me :(  It was like something outof a movie, people were clapping and crying.  I don't know if I can ever go back there. I can't even imagine.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

Justin

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Re: Airports
« Reply #9 on: August 17, 2015, 08:23:35 AM »
DD and I recently took a two-week trip out of state and had a fantastic time with my new love in her city. Upon returning home it really hit me how empty our house feels now. It wasn't necessarily any one thing - things in that house just feel so "wrong".

I think it had to do with missing my new love and the family dynamic we enjoyed while visiting her, because this "wrongness" was a feeling that had not hit me this hard since the early months. DD and visited a widower friend this past weekend and I didn't have this feeling when we returned to our house.

This journey is such a strange one, for sure.

Marsha 1975-2014

"Love is the province of the brave"

mmg19

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Re: Airports
« Reply #10 on: August 17, 2015, 05:25:31 PM »
Just sending ((Hugs)).