Author Topic: Childless Widower  (Read 5808 times)

w1d0w3r

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: Childless Widower
« Reply #15 on: November 01, 2015, 05:15:30 PM »
Although the memorial service for my late wife was held at the end of July a couple of weeks after she died so suddenly & without warning, I finally made the journey to the cemetery of her ancestors in another state to bury her ashes with her immediate family. I carefully unfolded and draped her wedding veil over the urn before closing the box forever. I couldn't help but feel that deep loss I've been slowly coming to peace with was hitting me all over, as if she had just died. After the family and I had said what we wanted to say, I held her one last time - whispering "I will see you in heaven" - I carefully placed her in her final resting place and watched as the internment concluded. There were pinwheels in one of the floral arrangements atop her grave that suddenly started spinning with the strong, steady gust of wind that lasted a full minute; it was as if she had willed the wind to blow through us as if to show her love and playful gratitude. Steady, unseen, yet tangible and palpable by the heart.

I knew then - because I choose to believe it - that she was at peace on the other side, reminding us to be happy and that while departed from this life, she is still somehow with us.

I feel like the wound of her loss has been freshly reopened; not nearly as deeply but raw nonetheless. Simultaneously I feel a trace of closure having been through this weekend, blessed by the company and comfort of loved ones in the shared mourning and support of family.

I hope it will get better from here. I want to heal, move forward, and start life anew so I can get back to a permanently different but happy normal where I can feel comfortable with the process of getting past the vulnerability and stigma of seeking new companionship.

Until then, I have work, newly blossoming friendships, my family, and time - the great healer. I guess I'll know when I am ready to love again for all of the right reasons. Any advice about this transition from a childless, grieving, unexpected widower to a man with a social and single life that isn't overshadowed by her death would be greatly appreciated. I've read the threads in the "Without Children" section - like the Island of Misfit thread - and read Abel Keough's book for widowers. There doesn't seem to be much else I can find that speaks to where I am. You all have been so wonderful. I should and do feel lucky that I am under 40 and don't have motherless children to raise. I'm simply seeking any wisdom or thoughts you amazing souls may be able to offer.

Peace and hope to you all.

w1d0w3r
« Last Edit: November 01, 2015, 05:18:39 PM by w1d0w3r »
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Helen Keller