Author Topic: I can't handle it..  (Read 3971 times)

DavidsKtBeth

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  • 26 years old & widowed -- 6.24.15
Re: I can't handle it..
« Reply #15 on: September 01, 2015, 05:49:53 PM »
Seriously though.  No one warned me how fucking boring life would be without him.  I  am going crazy!!!!!!!!!
?Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.?

"You could meet somebody tomorrow who would have better intentions for you than someone you?ve known forever. Time means nothing, character does."

Justin

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  • From KY to AZ, USA AKA:MissingMarsha
Re: I can't handle it..
« Reply #16 on: September 01, 2015, 10:03:14 PM »
The boredom does set in. You get so. fucking. bored. with grief - when the fresh hell doesn't take you over.

At three months out, my daughter and I took an 1,800 mile roadtrip through the American South: home, Tupelo, Oxford, New Orleans, Bilox, Gulf Shores, Muscle Shoals, home...  It taught me I could laugh again. Have a good time again. All while still missing her, but not feeling guilty at being alive. Still - her absence gnawed at me, wishing she could join her family in the fun...

This concept really helped/helps me, and maybe it will you, too. It's all about growing your world to allow space to move around the grief, since it never gets smaller: http://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/bereaved_spouse/f/576/t/74119
http://emergencybunny.blogspot.com/2012/01/ball-of-grief.html

Another thing that helps me is to think about each of us - all of humanity - is on a different timeline. These lives interleave, and people come and go in our time. It fucking hurts, but that is what happens to grandparents, lovers, spouses, parents, and children... So now, I try to take each person as I know them, and not take them for granted. If you love them - accept them for who they are, because they might not be here tomorrow. Love in the now.
Marsha 1975-2014

"Love is the province of the brave"

DavidsKtBeth

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  • 26 years old & widowed -- 6.24.15
Re: I can't handle it..
« Reply #17 on: September 02, 2015, 12:57:58 PM »
I'm seriously going crazy.  I went to Target today and they didn't have my vitamins I always took and I started crying.  Then I went to look for a bow tie for my dog because his birthday is Friday and I wanted him to have a bow tie and they didn't even have a section for dog bow ties! WTF TARGET!

I also cried at Target because there was a cute old man waiting for his wife at the exit (I'm assuming she was in the bathroom) and I was waiting for my sister and I just thought of all the times Dave had to sit and wait for me at Target and then that song waiting on a woman popped into my head..  :'(

THEN I had to pay for car insurance and I cried again because that shit is expensive lol
?Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.?

"You could meet somebody tomorrow who would have better intentions for you than someone you?ve known forever. Time means nothing, character does."

anniegirl

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Re: I can't handle it..
« Reply #18 on: September 02, 2015, 01:39:11 PM »
You're not going crazy.

All sorts of things trigger tears in the beginning.

One thing I found is that when I stopped worrying that I was losing my mind and just accepted that begin blindsided by tears was simply a thing that would happen, the result was that it started happening in public a lot less.

Sorry it was a rough outing for you. And yes, car insurance is crazy expensive. Imagine a lot of people shed tears about it and not just widowed ones.
« Last Edit: September 02, 2015, 04:44:44 PM by anniegirl »
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Alexsander

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  • Widower since July 2013
Re: I can't handle it..
« Reply #19 on: September 02, 2015, 03:10:46 PM »
I'm 2+ years off and still can't ENTER a Subway restaurant. Anyone, anywhere.
DW suffered the fatal brain stroke sitting at a table while I was grabbing the menu.
We all have triggers.

TooSoon

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Re: I can't handle it..
« Reply #20 on: September 02, 2015, 10:40:29 PM »
I used to break down in tears in the weirdest places.  Anything car related sent me into a tail spin (see what I did there?).  I cried in front of my students for no apparent reason so many times I lost count.  I also hid a lot.  I would get my child where she needed to be and then I would hide - car, bathroom, anywhere I could steal a moment to breathe.  Totally normal.

There are very few triggers for me now though every now and then I'll feel a little tug.  It is my small town's annual agricultural/county fair right now - it is indescribably, hilariously bizarre and my husband loved it to no end.  I could go now with my BF who has never been as it would be like seeing it for the first time through someone else's perspective but I could never, ever go alone just with my daughter - it would be like a wind tunnel of memories and quotes and images.  Over time, I've learned how to self-preserve by anticipating situations that could be tough.  And I don't feel cheated.  I feel grateful that we had those few summers together when we could marvel at all that is weird, wonderful and wildly inappropriate at the "Great" Allentown Fair. And in a very great many other situations and circumstances as well.  It just took time. 

Sending lots of support.
« Last Edit: September 02, 2015, 10:42:17 PM by TooSoon »

DavidsKtBeth

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  • 26 years old & widowed -- 6.24.15
Re: I can't handle it..
« Reply #21 on: September 03, 2015, 03:41:29 AM »
Shut up! Allentown, PA?
?Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.?

"You could meet somebody tomorrow who would have better intentions for you than someone you?ve known forever. Time means nothing, character does."

TooSoon

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Re: I can't handle it..
« Reply #22 on: September 03, 2015, 06:27:28 AM »
Is there another?  Yes, Allentown!

DavidsKtBeth

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  • 26 years old & widowed -- 6.24.15
Re: I can't handle it..
« Reply #23 on: September 03, 2015, 09:58:31 AM »
One of my best friends is from Allentown! I was supposed to be in her wedding this summer but then DH passed away and I couldn't travel that far knowing only the bride and groom
?Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.?

"You could meet somebody tomorrow who would have better intentions for you than someone you?ve known forever. Time means nothing, character does."

TooSoon

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Re: I can't handle it..
« Reply #24 on: September 03, 2015, 12:36:41 PM »
All roads lead to Allentown.....

Wheelerswife

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  • Widowed x 2.
Re: I can't handle it..
« Reply #25 on: September 03, 2015, 12:51:30 PM »
All roads lead to Allentown.....

Gee...I've found that place, too.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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