Author Topic: always looking for next best thing ?  (Read 1884 times)

Momtojandj

  • Member
  • Posts: 276
  • Widowed since 10/2012 . Living in NJ
always looking for next best thing ?
« on: September 08, 2015, 11:49:37 AM »
Not only did I have a light bulb moment when I realize online people do this all the time. Before really even talking or meeting,they move on .. So then ..
I realized a month after breaking up with boy friend of a year.. He does this in life .. Keeps girls on back burner, or meets new one and fazes out one he's with. Found out he's dating 2 women, Both of which he admitted he has been chatting with for a few months. Instead of working on us, enjoying us, seeing where we were going.. He's constantly looking and moving on. Boy that hurts . Add in he's lying about how and why we broke up, of course to make him look better. Had a long talk with his ex last night ( she was helpful in shedding light on him and is why I broke up with him ) and everything she said .. I'm right. Who does that in their 40's ? . Is it normal ? Am I jaded from marriage and wanting to find a partner to see people play these game s?
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

Forgottenwife

  • Member
  • Posts: 121
Re: always looking for next best thing ?
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2015, 12:44:11 PM »
Wow, that is crappy. Just reading your words hurts, I am so sorry this happened. To know that he was telling you one thing and letting you believe he was invested on and working on your relationship, and then to find out he wasn't genuine? I would be crushed. Jeez, what a jerk. and you invested time and love and affection on him.

I say dust yourself off and find better, and as much as this has got to sting, at least now you know his character. There are men out there that are capable of love and devotion and being honest. I would save your time for one of them. I think you know to yourself that you can do much, much better.

I know a lot of people have bad experiences with relationships that started online, however, in my life, there are people from online that are good and decent and people from down the street so to speak that are cheaters and dishonest. The difference here is he had easy access to meeting more women. In 2015, we all have the option of browsing and chatting strangers online while we are in a 'committed' relationship. I always hesitate to put all online daters in the same category if you will.

sunshinedaydreamz

  • Guest
Re: always looking for next best thing ?
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2015, 01:04:21 PM »
They're commonly referred as players. And men are not the only ones who regularly do this.
It's unisex.
Although it hurts, buying into their sagas imo
only gives them more fuel. Online is a huge gamble because that's the easiest venue for these vampires.
Yes as has been rit offline has similar risks, it's all relevant. The on liners I've met made me conclude its much easier because that's the common way people it seems these days fill the voids of boredom.
Just speculation from my experiences : (
I've hardened my heart because I vowed not to fall into their lines (of crap).
« Last Edit: September 08, 2015, 01:31:26 PM by sunshinedaydreamz »

BrokenHeart2

  • Member
  • Posts: 958
  • Widowed 2013
Re: always looking for next best thing ?
« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2015, 08:54:23 PM »
I'd drop that one like a hot potatoe. You could possibly expect that if he was an inexperienced teenager but a 40 something, don't give him the time of day!  move on MYTs. He doesn't deserve your love and your affection. I have to believe there are great guys out there, although I've not looked I need to believe they are out there.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

twistedmensa

  • Member
  • Posts: 224
  • Embracing the suck since 1968!
Re: always looking for next best thing ?
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2015, 03:36:42 AM »
The more I hear, the more I think I will avoid the whole dating scene...I think I want my life to be as uncomplicated as possible right now.

Captains wife

  • Member
  • Posts: 607
Re: always looking for next best thing ?
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2015, 07:18:58 AM »
MomtoJandJ - personally, I am pissed off for you. I too have encountered 40-50 something men who love to lead women on but are really not committed in the background. My first real "relationship" post widow was like that. If men want to be players, fine - but then they shouldnt act like they want a serious girlfriend, particularly getting involved with our children. I dont get it personally, especially at this age but they should be more honest about who they are.  I hope this ex of yours gets what's coming to him for being a liar. I wish you all the best with online dating - there is certainly a much better match out there for you, who will also want what you are looking for. 

Momtojandj

  • Member
  • Posts: 276
  • Widowed since 10/2012 . Living in NJ
Re: always looking for next best thing ?
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2015, 07:55:05 AM »
Thank you all! Captains wife.. That's the big thing .. The kids.. Mine are 15 and 17.. But they tell me they miss him, the 15 year old still calls him when he needs something . Not easy .
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

sunshinedaydreamz

  • Guest
Re: always looking for next best thing ?
« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2015, 08:09:56 AM »
I don't think it's supposed to be easy.
My best friend gave me the best advise I ever heard.
When you throw away the garbage do you go back for it ?
Time is short. Too short for teenage games.

Respectfully you are very kind.
There are other single people (without sounding patronizing or like an idiot), who are looking for someone nice.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2015, 08:23:33 AM by sunshinedaydreamz »

sunshinedaydreamz

  • Guest
Re: always looking for next best thing ?
« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2015, 12:46:16 PM »
My honest opinion (and it is only an opinion) would be to tell your son it makes you uncomfortable him talking to your now ex.


Honestly talking to an ex of his, unless you knew her earlier, away from him, would be unwise (again only an opinion). To me it falls in the category of does it serve any useful purpose ?

I would lose this guy as fast as the minute waltz is, short.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2015, 07:51:21 PM by sunshinedaydreamz »

thejourney

  • Member
  • Posts: 31
Re: always looking for next best thing ?
« Reply #9 on: September 09, 2015, 09:30:30 PM »
I agree with Sunshine.  The kids need to move on - there is no long term relationship here. They are old enough to hear the truth - the guy is a jerk (we are not all btw) and if they knew what kind of person he is, they should be happy to run away!

Momtojandj

  • Member
  • Posts: 276
  • Widowed since 10/2012 . Living in NJ
Re: always looking for next best thing ?
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2015, 08:07:33 AM »
Sunshine, I agree my kids should move on. I have tried sparing them the he is an ass speech, this was first guy I dated they met. I think I felt, I didn't want to hurt them .. If they relate to him , male figure and all. However.. I'm not encouraging the relationship for them and him, and hoping it will fade away. Thanks for all your advice!
"To love another person is to see the face of God "