Author Topic: Cheerleader ramble  (Read 3191 times)

smabify

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Cheerleader ramble
« on: March 11, 2015, 02:52:24 PM »
Sometimes, the best cheerleaders are not the ones with the pom poms yelling "Rah Rah you can do this, you're so strong (words I absolutely HATE), you have been doing this, blah blah blah". 

Most of the time, the BEST cheerleaders are the ones who look you in the eye and say "yeah, it is hard.  It really sucks.  Vent away."  They do not judge, they do not try to solve everything.  They do not remind you how good you have it or how wonderful life is. They listen, they give you a hug, maybe they pray simply, then they go away. 


To me, that's what a real cheerleader does.
Life's tough.  Get a helmet

Mangomom

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2015, 03:04:58 PM »
Agreed. I hate the word strong, too. I can't pick up a car...  My most treasured friends are he ones who have experienced their own trauma and know that nothing said will help.  So they listen. They cry, too. They are there. I can't stand the cheerleaders because they are also the ones who hear your vent then tell everyone what you are going through to seem self important (kinda like a hs cheerleader 😉)

singinmomo4

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2015, 03:49:45 PM »
I also hated being told I was so strong.  I heard it all the time.  All I could think was that they didn't see me when I was alone, rolled up in a ball, screaming and crying.  I'm sure they wouldn't see me as strong then. 
Rick, an amazing husband, father, fisherman & fisher of men with a servants heart who served God every day. ReRe, miss your smile & twinkle in your eye.

Baylee627

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    • dawiddahood
Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2015, 07:02:50 PM »
This was articulated so well. Thank you! Sometimes I feel like others like to append the word "strong" to wids so that they don't have to feel compelled to reach below the facade and discover how despairing, lonely, or terrified we were or continue to be. 

"You're so strong," neatly keeps things at the surface-level.

Just my lil observation...

Baylee
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2015, 09:28:08 PM »
'You're so strong' Uhm, no I'm keeping one step in front of the other.
'The alternate is not an option.' I have actually said that to people. I get the the deer in the headlights look.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

mokie

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2015, 12:13:26 AM »
I was told I was strong once... I didn't take offense to it, because it came from the man who D's CPR on my husband before the ambulance arrived.  I know he was hurting too. But I just told him, "I don't have any choice."
When you get the choice to sit it out or dance... I hope you dance!

look2thesky

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2015, 02:53:04 AM »
Never really liked be described as strong.
She was the one who was strong.
I was shattered.

SimiRed

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2015, 06:02:45 AM »
Agreed, I don't see myself as strong either, never liked being told that.  Like @look2thesky said, "I was shattered", this is me too. 

Sometimes I struggle with other obstacles in my life and I get the same ole... "If you were strong enough to get through that, you can do this too".  Well, I think I'm tired of being the "strong" one, like then, I will keep moving one foot in front of the other.
~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.

Trying

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2015, 06:19:48 AM »
Being told I was strong used to make me very angry, in those early months I had never felt more weak, broken and vulnerable and when someone would tell me I was strong I felt like they were invalidating my feelings.

Now I just roll my eyes.  I realize that people who have never lost a spouse have no way of understanding and they need to feel like I am doing better than I am.  That's about them, not me.  Only through sharing with all of you did I come to realize that it was ok to have a day when I couldn't get out of bed or my kids ate cereal for dinner. It's ok to fall apart, get back up, move forward and repeat.
You will forever be my always.

swilson

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2015, 06:29:45 AM »
I've found the empathy of those who understand to be a very comforting thing.
~ she's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good, so I can see my baby when I leave this world ~

Wheelerswife

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2015, 06:57:30 AM »
I get the "You are strong" comments a lot.  In many ways, we have to be resilient, and I understand that people can't fathom facing some of what I've faced.  They just haven't yet had the experience to know what we go through or how we manage to get through each day.  We all have stories of how we just did it.  Sometimes I wish people really knew how weak we feel when we look strong, but then, if they did and they were able to be present to all of that weakness, I'd have trouble just functioning day-to-day.  Perhaps it is a no-win situation.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

Carey

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2015, 07:11:03 AM »
I despise this. Yet I know it's unintentional. They are at a loss for words about a situation they cant comprehend and pray they never have to.  Personally? Dear whatever doesn't kill me, I'm strong enough now thank you.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

Kamcho

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2015, 07:53:14 AM »
.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2015, 11:43:06 AM by Kamcho »

Carey

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #13 on: March 12, 2015, 07:56:08 AM »
Honestly:
How to deal with wids
1. Bring food, tissues, a soft blanket
2. Take their to do lists. Do them.
3. Shhhhhhhhhh.

OMG.... THIS is perfect. Priceless.  Even 16 months later this still applies lol but I don't think I could get anyone to go for it.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Cheerleader ramble
« Reply #14 on: March 14, 2015, 03:42:53 AM »
Kamcho, I love #3 Shhhhhh
They'd have to actually come around for me to say that though ugh
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.