Author Topic: Cancer Wids?  (Read 17319 times)


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    • ButchCountry
Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #45 on: April 11, 2015, 03:16:10 AM »
my Wife Pauline died jan.26.2015 , from a rare form of Lung Cancer Synovial Sarcoma , she was diagnosed with stage 4 back in February 28 2014 , by the time it was discovered it had spread to her lymph nodes, she was just 41 years old when she passed, I was her primary caregiver/extreme caregiver , we live 30 miles from the nearest hospital, she passed away in the Palliative Care unit of the Hospital after being admitted only 3 days earlier , she was admitted because her lungs were filling with fluid and collapsing , they put in a drain and kept her heavily medicated so she felt no pain, she had a DNR on her medical file , there was very little they could do for her except keep her from suffering, my wife and I spent the last 3 days talking about our lives together, our son, and what Heaven must be like, nothing was left unsaid between us , I miss her so much , the loss of her is still very hard on me and our son , he is 13,


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #46 on: April 11, 2015, 08:10:55 PM »
My husband died from a previous " 100 % cured" stage 1 cancer of his uvula.  His uvula! Stupid little piece of flesh hanging in the back of your mouth, serving no purpose. Like your appendix. Vestige organ. Useless.

He died within a month of " oops, sorry not cured" of a stage 1 mouth cancer with what? 93+%  5 year survival rate. We were the statically unlucky 7 % .  The small percentage no one pays attention to.

 If the boogie man is coming for you, he is coming. Doesn't matter what you eat, drink, smoke, or do. Doesn't matter if you have insurance or not. Doesn't matter if you live in the boondocks or within a stones throw of the best of best hospitals.

If the boogie man is coming, he is coming.
Now I have loved you like a baby,
Like some lonesome child.
I have loved you in a tame way,
And I have loved you wild.

Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours. KLM 7/11/55 to 4/24/12


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #47 on: April 13, 2015, 09:09:57 AM »
Multiple myeloma. Six weeks after diagnosis, while planning for an autologous stem cell transplant, he got a catastrophic HSV1  encephalitis. (from viral conjunctivitis). Severe brain injury and dementia resulted, so no stem cell transplant... He lived 3.5 years from the date of his diagnosis. Sigh.


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #48 on: April 13, 2015, 09:31:31 AM »
pancreatic cancer, was told not curable stage 4  she fought for 11 months, suffered more than I realised. What was really hard was she became confused. 5 days before she died she woke up and couldn't speak just yes or no thankfully that improved later. She spent the rest of her life in hospital, her respertory system shutting down. Even then she wouldn't speak of dying as she was going home no way she wanted to die in the hospital.


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #49 on: October 09, 2015, 02:53:55 AM »
My husband died in May of adenocarcinoma of the oesophagus. He went to our doctor in Jan 2014, went back 4 times and she finally sent him for a gastroscopy in September. It had already spread to lungs and spine, he was never offered surgery and was palliative care only. He died 8 months after his diagnosis. I spent every day with him, I held him when he left. He was 41. We have 2 children, they were 8 and 10 when he died. It was horrific and haunts me. Fucking cruel and he fought with grace and dignity - a better person than I will ever be. I loved him even more for the way he handled it.


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #50 on: October 09, 2015, 05:40:13 AM »
I'm so sorry...  Cancer just sucks.  My DH had colon cancer; my BIL died from pancreatic a month later; and any day now I will lose a wid-friend due to pancreatic cancer.  What amazes me with all three of these men is the grace and dignity they all had when facing this diagnosis.  Both in living every day after their diagnosis but then in facing death in their final days.  I agree with you...I don't think I would handle it as graciously either.  I'm glad you were able to spend those last days with him.  In time, I was able to be grateful for those last days together and know how lucky I was to have that time.  Wishing you comfort and peace.  It's a sucky club you are now part of, but this board/community is a great place for support.
I miss how happy I was with you.


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #51 on: October 09, 2015, 07:24:05 AM »

Yes, being a cancer wid does suck! It is a horrific disease and hard to handle as the caregiver. 

Sending you "Hugs" and try to focus on the good memories, not the ones that cancer leaves you with.
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #52 on: October 10, 2015, 03:06:49 PM »
Yup, cancer widow here.

My healthy, vegetarian, never-smoking DH was diagnosed with lung cancer at stage IV and given 6-8 weeks to live. He made it about 6 months.  It was hell. I'm still in shock. We have a kindergartener.

So sorry for your loss!!!

And...I just read all the replies. Shit.

I'm so sorry for everyone's loss and suffering.
« Last Edit: October 11, 2015, 12:53:44 AM by fern »


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  • Embracing the suck since 1968!
Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #53 on: October 10, 2015, 08:44:58 PM »
Metastatic cancer from an unknown primary source. 32 days from diagnosis to death. Made worse because they first treated him with antibiotics for bronchitis even though he had a history of lymphoma. When the first round of antibiotics didn't clear it up in two weeks, they put him on stronger antibiotics for an additional two weeks. Four weeks of non-treatment for what we already knew was cancer and based on his past experience, would be astonishingly aggressive..and it certainly was.  >:(

Fucking managed care...more like careLESS.

Bear Shannon

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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #54 on: October 11, 2015, 09:30:01 PM »
Thymoma, an extremely rare cancer. Almost all of Laurie's doctors had only seen it in text books. Lucky her. Cancer sucks!
Peace ~ Bear

Laurie RIP (Married 1980 .. Widowed 2005)

"Grief can destroy you -- or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it."
~ Odd Thomas (Dean Kootnz)


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #55 on: October 12, 2015, 04:39:58 PM »
Melanoma.  2 years from diagnosis to death at 34.  Complete and utter hell, and that is putting it mildly.  F cancer!


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #56 on: October 13, 2015, 10:42:08 AM »
Melanoma here too. She was in the best shape of her life and then 17 months from diagnosis to death.  You are right SailorGirl, it is a hellish roller coaster!


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #57 on: October 13, 2015, 02:11:40 PM »
Stage IV lung cancer.  He got the official diagnosis on Christmas Eve 2013. He died 18 months later... 9 weeks ago today.  He was only 39.


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #58 on: October 13, 2015, 03:11:00 PM »
Hugs, danidee, and welcome. 

It sucks.  I know you have the holidays looming ahead of you, too.  Just keep breathing.  I'm glad you found us.

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness


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Re: Cancer Wids?
« Reply #59 on: October 13, 2015, 07:48:31 PM »
Starting at age 19 (I met her when she was just starting remission), Hodgkins, breast, then the other breast, then pancreatic at age 44.  The last beat her, as it usually does.  The fact that before she'd kept "winning" (how I hate that word) made for a severe case of denial for the first month or so.  I dunno, maybe that was for the best.  I didn't really lose it until a couple of months after she died.