Specific Situations > Other Circumstances

Together twelve years, never married, treated like I don't matter.

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sj85, I was so very moved by your story. It breaks my heart. I am so sad that you have been through what you have and are going through what you are going through now. I am thankful you have posted and I hope sincerely you continue to because you put into words what many feel or have felt so eloquently. We are here to listen.

It's easy to be eloquent when you've repeated the same story in your head, regularly, but have no one who'd understand it if you were to tell them.

Finally feeling like there are people who can relate makes it a release.

I'll be more active as time goes, I think. This board could be the cathartic release I've lacked.

Welcome SJ85. So glad you found us. Post away because yes we do get it. Getting your thoughts out and having people that can relate is cathartic. The support is very helpful too.
Hugs to you.

Hi sj85. Welcome to the board. I, too, am glad you decided to post. There are some pretty cool people here. I wasn't married either, and although parts of our stories are different, I can really relate to a few things you mentioned. Because of circumstances surrounding his death, I was treated more like an enemy than a stranger. Both leave you feeling awful. It intensely complicated my grief and added layers for me. I was grieving so deeply and became really depressed. The typical loneliness that a widda feels is enough, but mine was super intensified by those who called me names and judged me mercilessly. It was an intense uphill battle, that's for sure. I am happy to report that I no longer give 2 shits about any of the opinions of the judgy mcjudgersons. I gained a lot of freedom in letting that go. I hope things have eased up for you a bit. Please keep posting. It is a wonderful place.

I feel for you, SJ.  I too was unmarried, and am now in a relationship with a widower whose story sounds so similar to yours.  He was raising his late fiancee's two sons with her, and when she died, he lost them.  He too was overwhelmed by his life (had a son of his own, dogs, a house, etc.) and also seems to "cope" by way of a very committed avoidance method.  Life is brutal, huh?  Rebuilding a life (and re-finding my own center) is something I've only been able to do with lots of talking and lots of facing of things I wish were not so, mostly with the help of other widows.  I hope you can find some peace and solace - wishing you strength!


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