Author Topic: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again  (Read 3127 times)

MissingSquish

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  • widowed 5/20/12
Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« on: March 11, 2015, 07:21:15 PM »
I have so many things to be thankful for right now. So much about my life is finally coming together better than I could have ever dreamed was possible. But the intense memories, both good and bad from my relationship with Squish, are bubbling up to the surface.

So many things in my daily routine have been affected. Tonight, I was showering, and I thought back to when Squish used to shower and sang loudly and completely off key. When I'd sneak in the bathroom while he was doing it, he'd give me a sheepish grin.

I miss that deep intimacy with him. Where he'd give me butterflies so often. He was intoxicating.

But on the converse, I remember all of the times he overdosed and the deep, lasting pain of losing the man I loved over and over again.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

anniegirl

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Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2015, 07:27:30 PM »
Waves roll in, wash over and then go back out. Nature of the beast.

But it's hard. Memories conflict. No one has a perfect relationship.

((hugs))
« Last Edit: March 11, 2015, 07:51:45 PM by anniegirl »
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MissingSquish

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Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2015, 07:48:05 PM »
Thanks Anniegirl. I am so thankful to be able to be among supportive and understanding peers.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

Trying

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  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2015, 08:00:32 PM »
Tight hugs as you ride this latest wave out.  You're in the middle of an exciting transition with your new job and I know for me, the good moments can bring the grief on as much as the bad ones.  He should be here to congratulate you and support and it just plain sucks that he's not.
You will forever be my always.

Mangomom

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Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2015, 08:08:01 PM »
Tight hugs as you ride this latest wave out.  You're in the middle of an exciting transition with your new job and I know for me, the good moments can bring the grief on as much as the bad ones.  He should be here to congratulate you and support and it just plain sucks that he's not.

This is when we need a like button.  I agree completely with what she said!  Breathe easy and keep moving forward.

MissingSquish

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  • widowed 5/20/12
Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2015, 08:26:30 PM »
Thank you guys so much. Trying, you hit the nail on the head. He SHOULD be here to celebrate and share in my success. The triggers for me now are the positive things in my life.

 The negative stuff I have learned to cope and deal with in a way that doesn't make me miss him anymore.  I have been through the worst in my life already without him. 
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

singinmomo4

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Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #6 on: March 11, 2015, 11:09:16 PM »
((((((MS)))))))

Funny how those memories hit out of the blue and completely throw us off our axis. 
Rick, an amazing husband, father, fisherman & fisher of men with a servants heart who served God every day. ReRe, miss your smile & twinkle in your eye.

Captains wife

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Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2015, 06:29:41 AM »
Sorry MissingSquish....we are on similar timelines and I understand. You have a very positive attitude but went through such a loss. I personally want my grief to go away but it won't. I have also recently gone through those pangs of missing him and it's painful. I feel I am doing all the right things but I still really miss him and our married life. Lots of hugs and be good to yourself.

MissingSquish

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Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2015, 06:51:46 AM »
Thanks Singinmom and Captainswife. Completely throwing off our axis, yup, totally agree with that. CW, I'm sorry you are going through some similar emotions currently. Sending you peace and love.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

Carey

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Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2015, 07:16:10 AM »

But on the converse, I remember all of the times he overdosed and the deep, lasting pain of losing the man I loved over and over again.

Ive struggled to find the words to express this exact thing. You say it perfectly. Those were the moments that kept me from leaving him though every thought I was nuts for staying. And I lost him over and over and over.  Hugs to you today my friend.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

MissingSquish

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Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2015, 05:46:01 PM »
Thank you Carey. Was busy today at work and had a better day overall.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

MissingSquish

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Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2015, 07:34:52 PM »
Spoke too soon. Crying has ensued tonight again. Fuck.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

rifatheroffour

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Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2015, 07:47:09 PM »
Spoke too soon. Crying has ensued tonight again. Fuck.

I hate when I speak too soon.
Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us everyday.
Unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear.

MissingSquish

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  • widowed 5/20/12
Re: Feeling the wave of grief rolling in again
« Reply #13 on: March 12, 2015, 08:41:30 PM »
Thanks for your support rifatheroffour.  I feel a bit better currently. Going to try to get to sleep early tonight.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!