Author Topic: what if you can't just take another minute of this  (Read 3211 times)

donswife

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what if you can't just take another minute of this
« on: September 01, 2015, 11:36:07 PM »
I thought i was strong enough to take this on
 just so exhausted of this whole life of losing him
so yesterday was our 24 th anniversary ,handled that well but today it was like a wrecking ball on my heart
the fact Don isn't here destroys me
I don't understand why he is gone , the tears keep coming and I want them to stop
once again like the rest of you I will go to bed (well not really sleep )
and get up and honor his name but i so wish he was here
just needed to say this

My everything

Lost35

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2015, 12:18:42 AM »
I just wanted to say, I hear you.  The love you have is evident in all your posts.  My heart breaks for you and I hope that tomorrow will be better than today...

Take care,

-L.

widowat33

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2015, 12:46:54 AM »
((Donswife))
Sometimes the anniversaries aren't as bad as the build up to the day, or in some cases the day after. My counselor told me the firsts would be hard..I felt like saying "yes, of course but don't you understand every day is hard."  After all we don't only think about them on those special days, but they are always on our minds, and the loss of them is always present, not just on Christmas, birthdays,etc.. I know personally I had more support on those "firsts" then the next day life was back to normal, well for everyone but me. Some days are simply just harder than others, also hoping for a better day for you tomorrow!

Trying

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2015, 04:23:14 AM »
I often find the day after a significant day is the hardest.  We prepare ourselves for that day and when we make it through it we realize there is no prize on the other side.  They are still gone, we still miss them, our lives are still,changed forever.

Let the tears come, some times they need to so you can pick yourself up after. I think of it like a cleansing, it leaves you feeling completely drained and the process is very unpleasant but the next day you feel like you are starting off a little lighter.

(((Dons wife)))
You will forever be my always.

donswife

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #4 on: September 02, 2015, 09:26:14 AM »
thank you all
I am up and I will think of the tears as cleansing
amazing how they just come out , different kind of tears i notice ,
like they have a mind of their own and won't stop till they are ready 
I am at a cottage on the lake with the dog till friday 
I knew i needed it this week
my niece is on her way here and my sister and brother in law right behind her
so will start the fun part of being on the lake :)
thanks again , this is so much easier when I know I am not feeling this alone
My everything

Jess

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #5 on: September 02, 2015, 10:10:41 AM »
I hope you have some fun at the lake. Sometimes the tears are cleansing and I feel much better after I let them out. It sounds like you are in a beautiful place right now which makes me happy for you.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

DavidsKtBeth

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2015, 07:23:22 PM »
Just wanted to send you hugs
?Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.?

"You could meet somebody tomorrow who would have better intentions for you than someone you?ve known forever. Time means nothing, character does."

Jen

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #7 on: September 03, 2015, 03:35:31 PM »
Hugs and more hugs... I wish I had more, I wish I could make it better. Feeling the pain with you.  :-[
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

DebW

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #8 on: September 03, 2015, 06:22:56 PM »
I think the lead up to important dates is worse than the actual day itself. This weekend it will be my daughter's 11th birthday and also Father's Day - on the same day, a double whammy. I've had a terrible week, last night I just couldn't stop crying and felt beside myself with pain, anguish and despair. I cried so much I made myself sick. But I know we will have a nice weekend and hopefully will be able to have some special time together, it's just the thought of facing everything on my own.

BrokenHeart2

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #9 on: September 03, 2015, 06:59:39 PM »
I hear you and had a very rough one yesterday. Just knocked me down out of the blue. I hope you have a nice weekend at the cottage.  Hugs
« Last Edit: September 03, 2015, 09:21:02 PM by BrokenHeart2 »
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

donswife

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #10 on: September 03, 2015, 07:35:26 PM »
Ended up being having a better day after the sadness and frustration of just all of this
still not going to lie ,hated every minute of Don not being here , he would've have loved it
He would have napped under the trees by the lake
I did end up having a good time with my family , friends and dog
and couldn't ask for better weather and red sunsets
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TooSoon

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #11 on: September 03, 2015, 07:48:54 PM »
Glad to hear you found some solace.  I'm having one of those days today.  My daughter was sent home sick after 3 hours on her first day of 3rd grade on Tuesday.  She's been very sick ever since and I've had to scramble to meet commitments at work and reschedule things to accommodate her not being at school/aftercare.  So overwhelming as we are literally JUST starting the new school year and already it is a struggle to juggle it all. 

Tonight she came to me and climbed in my lap, tears streaming, and said, "I miss my Daddy."  And my house of cards (and I know deep down it is really not a house of cards but how quickly it can FEEL like it is) fell apart with that one sentence and all of the parenting worry rushed in again like a tidal wave.  I haven't broken down in a long time (and granted there could be some hormones involved here (sorry, TMI?)) but unwelcome! and no thank you! and why must this be such a cluster sometimes?!  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
« Last Edit: September 03, 2015, 07:53:03 PM by TooSoon »

MrsDan

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #12 on: September 03, 2015, 08:38:39 PM »
When I have those thoughts, like I literally can't take another 5 seconds, I try to focus on the fact that those five seconds have passed. And they'll continue to do so.

Personally, I don't get the whole lead up being worse thing. For me, the actual day sucks the hardest balls. There is more of a build up with the anniversary of his death, because my head goes back to the horrible days that preceded it. But the actual day is the worst. And this year I have to work. Always vowed that I wouldn't, but I absolutely can't get around it. Hope everyone's prepared for me to be a royal fucking bitch that day.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.

lcoxwell

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #13 on: September 03, 2015, 09:09:54 PM »
I am so very glad that the day ended up being better than you had initially thought, and that you found some solace. I am also so very sorry that your Don could not be there to celebrate the day with you.

Personally, I would have to agree with MrsDan. I have seen it discussed, many times, that the build up was worse than the actually day. For me, the buildup is often completely miserable, and the actual day just leaves me feeling so lost and empty. Thankfully, I am feeling less empty, since I moved, but I still have those days. (((Hugs)))
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

DonnaP

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Re: what if you can't just take another minute of this
« Reply #14 on: September 16, 2015, 12:25:18 PM »
Donswife,

Sorry I did not see this when you originally posted. I am not on the board as much as I once was. That being said, I totally understand where you are coming from... being over five years out, I still get torn up around certain dates (his birthday, our anniversary, etc.). It's understandable and you should not criticize yourself for feeling the way you feel.

I have come to realize that tears are cleansing. We need to let them come. They are exhausting too, so give yourself a break and rest as needed. The emotional turmoil this takes on our lives is huge. Some days we have more strength than others.

HUGS to you today!
DonnaP
*******
I still think of you, Mick...every SINGLE day!