Author Topic: 2 years  (Read 1522 times)

Trying

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2 years
« on: September 18, 2015, 03:22:12 AM »
This Sunday will be 2 years since Tim took his last breath, in my arms.  I am no longer in the house we shared, no longer in the bedroom where he died but it doesn't stop the memories of those final days from being so vivid.  In that weird way that time has, it feels like yesterday and it feels like a lifetime ago.  Sometimes it's like that life was a dream or somone else's life that I watched.  so much has changed in the past few months, I've moved, I'm back in school, I'm making positive lifestyle changes and choices for my future and spending a lot of time trying to live in the present moment and looking forward.  But right now, all I can do is look back.  I wish I could take the lessons I've learned and go back to that life I had with Tim. I could be a better a wife, I could appreciate him more with all that I know now.

How can it be 2 years already? How can it only be 2 years? "Beyond active grieving"? I would say I am 80% of the time, by intention. Then days like this come and I realize I am actively grieving 100%, and I have to just let myself, no matter how much it sucks.
You will forever be my always.

rifatheroffour

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Re: 2 years
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2015, 06:09:35 AM »
I don't know what to say...other than I get it.  Last night I talked to her telling her all the things I missed like it was yesterday and so long ago.  Active grieving is an interesting concept that comes and goes these days...more often goes but still gets you when it's here.
Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us everyday.
Unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear.

Wheelerswife

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Re: 2 years
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2015, 06:20:09 AM »
Hugs to you, Trying.  At 2 years out I was Beyond Active Grieving from my first husband, and even remarried.  At 20 months out from losing John, I'm definitely not there yet.  Still, days creep up and can throw us back.  I'm already feeling like the 22nd, 6 years for Barry, will hit me harder than it has in recent years.

I think sometimes we can use these anniversaries to bring us back and remember, and that leaves many other days to live more in the present and looking toward the future.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Justin

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Re: 2 years
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2015, 09:18:53 AM »
At a little over 14 months out, I feel that I am beyond active grieving for the most part. There was a time I thought that I never, ever would get here - but I have. Most of the time, I am doing really well with acceptance - although, there are days when for a split-second I feel like I am in some alternate universe thinking, "How could she not be here?".

Like Trying, I have been working hard on my grief intentionally. And when it does come, I let it wash over me and then away.
Marsha 1975-2014

"Love is the province of the brave"

momtokam

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Re: 2 years
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2015, 07:51:43 AM »
Trying, I know exactly how you are feeling.
I hit 3 years last week and many of your words could be mine.

Let yourself feel what you need to feel....

Biggest hugs to you.

IfIonlycould

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Re: 2 years
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2015, 10:37:07 AM »
Trying-in years 2 and 3 I was finally coming to the understanding that he really was not coming back,  I would bounce back and forth between Active Grief and Beyond Active Grief.  I went from mourning him to also mourning the loss of the life I once had....quite frankly, and I posted about this recently, I feel that in year 7 I am truly in Beyond Active Grief...took a while....I learned to let myself go into the active grieving when it came up on me, I came here during those times and am grateful I had all of you to turn to to get me through the bouts.  You have had SO many big changes recently, allow yourself the time to feel your emotions.  (((((HUGS)))))
We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.
Aristotle Onassis

Abitlost

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Re: 2 years
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2015, 06:49:59 PM »
I wish I could take the lessons I've learned and go back to that life I had with Tim. I could be a better a wife, I could appreciate him more with all that I know now.


DH and I always commented just how fortunate we were and never took a minute for granted, but still I feel like I have acquired so much more I want to share with him for the benefit of us.  :-\

Hugs to as you cross the 2-year mark with no prize at the end.

abl