Poll

Ladies, which would you rather hear when you think you might want to meet someone from online?

I'd really like to meet you sometime.
5 (15.2%)
I'd really like to meet you sometime. Here's my number if you'd like to call or text.
4 (12.1%)
I'd really like to meet you sometime. Would you like to exchange numbers?
22 (66.7%)
Other.
2 (6.1%)

Total Members Voted: 33


Author Topic: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.  (Read 8651 times)

DrBanner

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Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« on: March 11, 2015, 08:53:12 PM »
I think I may be shooting myself in the foot online. As many creepy guys as there are online I don't want to accidentally sound like one of them. I've recently been messaging with a few women, then when we get to the "hey let's meet" part sudden silence. Any suggestions on what not to say or what to definitely say?

hachi

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2015, 08:57:48 PM »
I  am no expert. No online dating for me, but I sort of  liked the last choice. State your interest and ask the question. But then again, I was always a direct sort of girl..

Good luck
If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.      ~ A. Einstein

Momtojandj

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2015, 09:02:56 PM »
I had done online thing , and I think it is same for girls as guys, unfortunatly some people just like to chat and never meet in real life . As far as what to say, just ask if they want to exchange numbers and meet up for coffee . Something quick and causal .
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

Mangomom

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2015, 09:05:09 PM »
I think the third one (my vote) is the best option.  You are putting it out there with no question of intent.  You say that's not working?

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2015, 10:32:04 PM »
Sure hope you're not using that avatar :)
Never been to a dating site so I'm no help. Just a thought instead of let's meet how about ' want to meet for a coffee'. Makes it a bit more defined and easy.  Just a thought
Good luck
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I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

AC

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2015, 10:55:55 PM »
Sure hope you're not using that avatar :)


Oh my!  This made me giggle. Agreed!

momtokam

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2015, 12:27:31 AM »
Maybe try "would you like to meet for coffee?" first, before discussing phone numbers in case the number thing sounds to forward to them. If its a yes, then go from there.


AndysWife

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2015, 01:18:27 AM »
IF I was on a dating site - I would be there to meet people - therefore, exchanging numbers is kind of necessary I would think. People always have the option of saying "no" if they are not interested too. Remember when there was no online dating and people just gave out numbers? Where did those people go? I like those kinds of people.
A.B.D.  26/01/1969 - 08/08/2011

Captains wife

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2015, 06:23:40 AM »
A lot of women(and men) are wary of online dating so sometimes if a "let's meet" comes too early, it may cause some hesitation. I would offer to speak on the phone first and you can offer up your number and ask if there is a convenient time to talk. If conversation going well, then mention coffee or date. And I think sometimes people are online for companionship so just like the banter with limited interest in doing too many dates. All the best,

Needytoo

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2015, 06:47:05 AM »
Guys do it as well, disappear when you mention actually meeting them.  I find it extremely rude and frustrating.  I am doing things very wrong on these sites and not sure what I am doing wrong. 

I have only gone on four coffee dates and everyone one was a bust.  The first two I chatted with them for weeks. The first guy after 5 minutes I couldn't run fast enough out the door.  He didn't know I was a widow and you just ruin the date when you say "wish my x-wife was dead".  Second guy actually wasn't that bad but he said I wasn't ready to date.  Maybe he was right. 

Last two I thought meeting in person early was the way to go.  Both of them just mindless chattered away. I don't think either of them asked me a thing. 

I think there is one TED webinars I watched and they guy went on about how he took the time and gained a person's trust before meeting them. 

I still have no idea which is the better way to go.  Good luck to you. 

nonesuch

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2015, 07:41:55 AM »
Hmmm. I did the online thing, had moderate success with it, (as in, actually went on dates) Every date was outstanding in some way;  not always a good way.

An email that mentioned something specific that you liked about my profile was always good.  "Hey, let's meet for coffee [beer, wine]" is good. It indicates a specific event that doesn't last too long.  I don't need your phone number to meet, because we're meeting at Tim Horton's [Applebee's, Seacoast Brewing] at 6 p.m. Thursday evening.  Come to think of it, a lot of times I did have the number.  Sometimes I didn't.

Many people on dating sites are timid folks who never intend to meet.  Some are people in relationships toying with the idea of getting out or ally-catting around.  They will evaporate when you suggest meeting. Some toss around the figure of about a third of the members of dating sites are married.   I have no way of knowing, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Because so many men evaporated on me, I tried to arrange a meeting sooner rather than later. My consort's daughter has done the online dating thing, and insisted on emailing a prospect for at least two weeks before agreeing to meet him. In a big place like New York, maybe that makes sense.   

Carey

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2015, 07:54:34 AM »
after meeting several that tanked after the first in person meeting and I felt like weeks had been wasted "chatting", I got to thinking. Before dating sites, you met someone face to face (one HUGE hurdle crossed already). Because admit it, no matter what we all say, really you look at someone and can fairly easily determine if you want to know them.  Yes, I did meet Chad randomly on the phone and it worked out.  But for the most part, no relationship really ever starts without seeing someone.  So I've decided that I'm not going to be one of those emailer/texter/chatter people.  Meet me. IN PERSON and then we will go from there.  I just feel like so much of online dating is useless time wasted on things of no substance.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
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DrBanner

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2015, 08:34:32 AM »
A lot of women (and men) are wary of online dating so sometimes if a "let's meet" comes too early, it may cause some hesitation. I would offer to speak on the phone first and you can offer up your number and ask if there is a convenient time to talk. If conversation going well, then mention coffee or date. And I think sometimes people are online for companionship so just like the banter with limited interest in doing too many dates. All the best,

Thanks everyone. The second choice, volunteering my number, is what I usually do. And that's losing in a landslide in the vote. And no, not using The Hulk avatar.  ;)

Everyone's different of course. In my experience women seem to prefer both meeting and stopping contact suddenly over talking on the phone. I'm just flustered.

Max2507

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #13 on: March 12, 2015, 09:24:43 AM »
I am surprised that providing your number is not the one preferred. Personally that would be the one I would find more favorable because 1. it shows you are a real person not a scammer, 2. you want to meet not endlessly chat and email, and 3. I could find out a lot about you by doing a phone number search and feel safer about meeting. Meeting for coffee is a great first meet--day light hours, having a limited time frame.

anniegirl

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Re: Trying not to scare them off on the dating sites.
« Reply #14 on: March 12, 2015, 10:07:33 AM »
I have a FB friend who is on Tinder and according to him, meeting sooner rather than later is the goal, so I too am surprised that you aren't meeting with success.

But that said, until you establish some sort of relationship beyond the meet/greet, your needs and goals should stay foremost and it's always best to just be yourself.

Being yourself is the best way to weed the contenders.
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