I'm not a crier, or at least I haven't been one until recently. For the first 6 weeks after I lost Jamie, I cried every single day, at least once. Then I noticed one day that I hadn't done so the day before, and of course, I cried then. Then after a couple of weeks of every other day crying, I stopped. Then I went a
week, and I thought what the heck is wrong with me? Why am I not feeling much emotion? Then I finally got them back. It's not like I
like crying, but I do allow the tears to come when I am alone. Most often when I break down, some memory has come to mind that reminds me of her, or maybe an outside trigger that brings back a memory, or something that will bring back the pain full force. Today was different, though. It's been several days since I've shed tears, and I was driving home from work and almost home. I was listening to a Shephen King book, and I started laughing at a funny part of the book (he's not all horror), and I began to tear up and wham, there I am with tears streaming down and there's that familiar pain of the loss and longing. Upon reflection, though I couldn't figure out what had brought this on, until I realized that the sun was setting and the sky was turning a beautiful fire-like look to it. Living in Southwest rural Arkansas for the last 10 years, I have had the pleasure of capturing many, many pictures of beautiful sunsets here. Almost always, on my way home from work and on my way to Jamie. So today it was a reminder of times past, and the old familiar things that have meant so much to me. I miss her. I am grateful that you guys are here and we have this outlet, otherwise, no one but me would have known.
