Author Topic: This is so hard....  (Read 1885 times)

Wife of Tomasz

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This is so hard....
« on: October 04, 2015, 05:14:34 PM »
My Tomasz passed away 2 weeks ago. It was sudden, he wasn't ill and I really could never have imagined this in my worst nightmare. I am numb and that's good. The one thing now that I am just finding impossible to do is to let his friends know what happened. I want to call them individually and let them know. Everyday I pick up the phone and put it down. I cant bring myself to say Tomasz is dead. I need to do this, I can't keep putting it off, but its just sooo hard. Has anyone else been through this, and how did you deal with it? Any suggestions at all?

Wheelerswife

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Re: This is so hard....
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2015, 05:25:20 PM »
Oh, I am so sorry you lost your beautiful Tomasz!  It is so hard to say those words, isn't it?  He's dead.  Sigh.  Really?  Numbness can be a good thing, really.  It gets us through those first days and weeks.  Maybe you can have someone else tell his friends what happened?  Maybe you can write it out and have a family member or friend send notes to people with the explanation?  Sometimes, though, it is the repetition of the story that helps our brain wrap itself around the horrible truth.

For now, remember to keep breathing, to cry when you need to cry, drink water to keep from getting dehydrated, eat when you can, and sleep when you can.  Keep coming here...we will listen.

Hugs,

Maureen

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

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Jess

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Re: This is so hard....
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2015, 07:00:36 PM »
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband died very suddenly, too. I asked a friend to make calls for me to spread the word. I couldn't do it either. Is there anyone that can help you like that?

Take care of yourself and keep on posting. We all understand.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

Carey

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Re: This is so hard....
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2015, 08:00:57 AM »
I am so very sorry.  My husband passed suddenly also and I agree with Jess.  If you have a friend or family member you trust who is willing to help I would let them.  I'm sure you're still in shock right now.  I am truly sorry you have reason to be here, but am glad you found us. There is much support and comraderie here. Keep posting.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

donswife

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Re: This is so hard....
« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2015, 09:56:51 AM »
I am so, so sorry
I also last my husband suddenly and had to make a few calls 
my sister took over family calls and the friends who I was closes to, I ask to let others know
if you have to make a few calls take a deep breath and you will break down
I will say the shock on the other end makes the calls very short so don't be surprised at that
take care
My everything

MrsT85

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Re: This is so hard....
« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2015, 12:36:14 PM »
I'm so sorry you've had reason to join us here.

I lost my Tim in a car accident.  Although my memories of the hours immediately following his crash are a bit hazy, I know I made the calls to his mother and my parents.  I know afterwards my mother handled a lot of the phone calls on my side, and his mother reached out to a niece (one of Tim's cousins) to make the calls to the family on his side.  I don't honestly know who called his best friend, but someone did and then he handled the calls to all of our friends.

If possible, don't try to do it yourself.  I think (I hope) that his friends will understand that there are just some things too painful to say outloud even once at this point - having to do so over and over again can be just unbearable.  Lean on the people in your life who love you and let them help however possible.

And keep coming here and leaning on us.  This is an awful path you were just shoved onto without warning or permission.  Most people in this world are lucky enough to not have to understand, but we do.

((HUGS))
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SimiRed

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Re: This is so hard....
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2015, 12:53:21 PM »
I am so sorry you lost Tomasz!  I had my cousin do all the phone calls, I just couldn't do it a the time. 

I am glad you found this group of wonderful people!
~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.

Jen

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Re: This is so hard....
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2015, 05:27:52 PM »
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs... I am so, so sorry. I lost my Jim very suddenly as well-- it was like lightning out of a clear blue sky. I honestly don't know who made phone calls-- after I called my mother, it all got very foggy.

I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

Guaruj

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Re: This is so hard....
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2015, 07:59:00 PM »
Wife of Tomasz -

I am so sorry this happened to you. I agree with the others who say that you shouldn't make all those phone calls yourself. Call only your closest friends and relatives, and ask them to tell the others. You could also consider sending one bulk E-mail message to those who might not get called via your network of friends.

You have too much to do right now to be calling other people up about this. Once you tell someone what happened, you'll be on the phone for at least another 20 or 30 minutes. How many times a day can you repeat that?

Hang in there -

|+|  M a r k  |+|

Wife of Tomasz

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Re: This is so hard....
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2015, 08:28:55 PM »
Thank you everyone!
Its nice to find people that understand what you are going through. I called a close friend and asked her to be with me while I made the few important calls. I only called the people I felt I needed to tell myself. They will pass it on. I know I will keep coming back to this forum.

Jess

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Re: This is so hard....
« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2015, 07:58:42 PM »
I am so glad you got some help! I wish there was some sort of newly widowed task force that could just swoop in and handle this stuff, but it sounds like you have some good help in your friend.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014