Author Topic: 21 months I'm feeling a shift  (Read 2516 times)

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
21 months I'm feeling a shift
« on: March 11, 2015, 10:25:05 PM »
For the past couple of days I'm feeling a positive shift. It's nothing to do with the board stuff it's me.
I lost so much, DH and a lot of me at the same time. I never expected that. I guess that's why you never really get it until you go through it.  I've had significant loses but not like this. When I told my Mom early in this journey (my Dad died 26 yrs ago)  "oh Mom this is so much worse than when Dad died" she was so matter of fact and said "of course it is". I was taken aback.  She endured and lived and so will I. (She's old school)
It's not just the feeling of spring it's something more. I feel a tad more strength than I've felt since I don't know when but I'm going to embrace it and see where it takes me because I need it. 
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Chopperette

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  • JIC 52 Ruptured Brain Aneurysm 3/21/2013
Re: 21 months I'm feeling a shift
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2015, 10:41:37 PM »
I'm glad you are heading to a better place.  I'm 10 days away from 2 years. and I just can't believe so much time have passed.   I mean, it was only yesterday!

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: 21 months I'm feeling a shift
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2015, 03:45:50 AM »
Yes Chopperette it feels like yesterday and forever at the same time doesn't it
Hugs
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

SimiRed

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  • Widowed 9-19-09 Joined YWBB 10-2009
Re: 21 months I'm feeling a shift
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2015, 05:56:58 AM »
BrokenHeart, I'm happy to see that you are feeling a "positive shift".  You'll still experience all kinds of difficult emotions and it may feel like the pain and sadness you've experienced in the past may come visit sometimes.  However, this is a normal reaction to a significant loss.

It sounds as if you have found healthy ways to cope with the pain and loss, and that is what will renew you and permit you to move on.

We all go back and "visit" our pain, our sadness...and that is okay!  We all have those days that the sadness overwhelms us.  However, remember to focus on, "visiting the pain", acknowledge it, then come back to the now and continue your journey of healthy healing and learning how to breathe and rebuild again.
~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.

CBB

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Re: 21 months I'm feeling a shift
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2015, 09:54:39 AM »
I am so glad you are feeling a positive shift in all of this. It isn't an easy road to travel. Yesterday was  22 months out and I haven't had that "moment" yet but I have hope and I keep on trying. I can't wait for the day I start using a calendar for months in the year instead of some dreaded milestones. What is that about anyways?  ???

Cyndi
I am different! How could I not be?

look2thesky

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Re: 21 months I'm feeling a shift
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2015, 10:45:35 AM »
I think it's like having a new born. We think in months / days, perhaps till going into year 3.
23 months instead of "almost 3 years".
Then it goes to 3 1/2 etc.
I always was puzzled by this, almost like should I keep wearing the ring, or no.
Or widowed vs remarried vs single.
Strange.

CBB

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Re: 21 months I'm feeling a shift
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2015, 07:32:33 PM »
I second that look2thesky! I don't know why I am counting in months , weeks, and days. I haven't done that since my kids were under a year old. What is that about? I, for one, welcome the days when I know longer do this.

I keep waiting for a shift. Its coming but sometimes I just want it to hurry the hell up!
Cyndi
I am different! How could I not be?

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: 21 months I'm feeling a shift
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2015, 06:09:19 PM »
Yes, today is another day and I wonder if I am just shutting down my emotions because I am so tired of feeling so sad. Today was an up and down day. I have never felt like such an emotional yoyo in alll my 54 yrs.
Where would I be without my Widda's
Hugs
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.