Author Topic: 21 months ago...  (Read 1575 times)


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21 months ago...
« on: October 10, 2015, 09:27:48 PM »
...I talked to John over Facetime.  It turns out that was the last time I heard his voice and saw his face.  He died a few hours later in his sleep.  Can it really be 21 months???  Almost 2 years?  Sometimes, it feels like just yesterday.  It was just 5 years ago that I moved to Kansas to begin my life with him.  Here I am without him.  My throat is tight.  My chest just hurts.  I keep getting reminders of the things we did together.  University activities, football games, the community rocket launch and space week, the fresh air and blowing Kansas wind that reminds me of the nights we were camping.  This all really happened, didn't it?  I was really that happy.  I was.

Tonight, just feeling the loss, the emptiness, the disbelief. 


Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Re: 21 months ago...
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2015, 11:43:36 PM »
Oh Maureen, Big Huge Hugs!!!  2 years, almost...WOW!  No, it doesn't seem possible.  Difficult things take a long time to overcome and learn to live through, impossible things take a little longer.

We all know no words will make it better, just know you are always in my thoughts.  You're amazing, it's okay to to feel like you've been knocked down.  {{{HUGS}}}  I'm so sorry John was taken away from you way too soon! 

Hang in there, hold on to the strengths that John left with you. 

Love ya!

My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.


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Re: 21 months ago...
« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2015, 12:13:17 AM »
It really does feel like a dream at times, doesn't it? I wish it were as easy as going to sleep to get it back, not that sleep comes easy around here.


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Re: 21 months ago...
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2015, 06:01:02 AM »
Big hugs Maureen!  There are those days when it's so hard to wrap your head and heart around it all.
You will forever be my always.


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Re: 21 months ago...
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2015, 08:00:03 AM »
I am so sorry your feeling this way and wish we could all wake up from the nightmare
especially hard the days you feel it deep in your heart
hugs to you today
take care
My everything


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Re: 21 months ago...
« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2015, 08:29:26 AM »

Yesterday was 18 months for me... I just can't get my brain around it. How is that even possible? How is it that he's just not here??

This is never going to not suck. :(
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton


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Re: 21 months ago...
« Reply #6 on: October 11, 2015, 12:59:50 PM »
Sending you love and tight hugs filled with understanding, Maureen!
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.


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Re: 21 months ago...
« Reply #7 on: October 13, 2015, 03:17:08 AM »
((Wheelerswife)) 22 months.  It feels like yesterday. 


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Re: 21 months ago...
« Reply #8 on: October 13, 2015, 04:05:19 PM »
(((HUGS))),  soak in the good memories.  Yes it is true you were happy and able to enjoy your time with your Love.  I hope you can be happy remembering those times and having new happy memories too!


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Re: 21 months ago...
« Reply #9 on: October 14, 2015, 10:21:53 AM »
I was really that happy.  I was.

It feels cruel sometimes to have achieved that pinnacle of happiness only to have it stripped away. But you didn't really lose it; John's love is infused in you forever. I know that doesn't help much right now but that is what I try to remind myself of.




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Re: 21 months ago...
« Reply #10 on: October 15, 2015, 08:00:17 PM »
 Maureen, I am so very sorry you have gone through this brutality twice. It is effing unbelievable. I can't even imagine this feeling of emptiness (that I still feel after three years this month) doubled. I am just so sorry.