Author Topic: I think I've lost him  (Read 3856 times)

Fuchsia

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I think I've lost him
« on: October 17, 2015, 03:25:16 PM »
The last couple days Rob has been declining really fast. We switched to injectable morphine and it is messing him up pretty badly. I feel like I am losing him now.  My heart is breaking. I just want him to be him.




Wheelerswife

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2015, 03:44:19 PM »
Hugs, Fuchsia, as you walk these end weeks and days with your husband.  It is so hard to watch someone in the dying process.  When my first husband died, I resolved myself to getting him to death's door just knowing he was loved.  I didn't want him to be afraid and I wanted him to be as pain-free as possible.  I was exhausted by that point and didn't even know it, but putting the focus on him helped me through those hard times.  Hold tight to him and your family and accept any help that comes your way if it truly helps you or him.

Remember that we will be here for you when the time comes when he slips away.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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anniegirl

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2015, 05:35:01 PM »
I'm so sorry. The last days are very difficult and it does feel as though they are gone long before they are physically gone.
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Momtojandj

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2015, 07:22:14 PM »
Just wanted to send you hugs. We are here for you .
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

Fran721

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2015, 08:28:47 PM »
I am so sorry. I know there are no words to describe how terrible this is but please know that we are here for you. When we knew my partner was going to pass soon, I just sat by his bed and told him how much I loved him and talked about all of our wonderful memories together. I never let told him that he was about to die and it's impossible to know if he was aware. If there's any advice I have I would say to not be afraid to ask for morphine and ativan for him if he appears in distress or anxious. One of my biggest reliefs is that my partner passed away comfortably surrounded by his loved ones. You both are in my thoughts.

DebW

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2015, 01:11:26 AM »
I echo the above thoughts. Just hold him, talk to him, love him. This is the last thing you will ever have to do for him and I know you can do it - you will be able to do it because of your immense and neverending love for him. Big hugs to you xox

Fuchsia

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #6 on: October 18, 2015, 06:52:56 AM »
He passed in the early morning.  I am heartbroken. I miss him so much.

Justin

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #7 on: October 18, 2015, 07:00:54 AM »
Fuchsia,

I am so very sorry. Please continue coming here for support and lean on us.

Remember, right now you just have to "be".

Justin
Marsha 1975-2014

"Love is the province of the brave"

Wheelerswife

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #8 on: October 18, 2015, 08:41:54 AM »
I'm so sorry, Fuchsia.  I'm so sorry.  I hope you have friends and family with you to help you face the next days and all of the arrangements that follow.  Again, accept all of the help that you need.  Keep breathing.  Deep breaths.  Drink water, even if you can't eat.  Feel this community wrapped around you.

We're here.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

TooSoon

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #9 on: October 18, 2015, 10:13:02 AM »
I'm so sorry.  You are in the right place, a good and safe place.  People here will help keep you going. You're going to make it through.  I was also a caregiver.  If I can offer one piece of advice it is this: don't try to do too much too fast.  You've been through the ringer; give yourself the gift of self-care.  Solidarity. 

Jess

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #10 on: October 18, 2015, 11:44:10 AM »
I am so sorry, Fuschia. So very sorry. All of these wonderful people here will walk this difficult path with you. We all care and can lend an understanding ear.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

Guaruj

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #11 on: October 18, 2015, 01:50:54 PM »
Fuchsia -

I'm very sorry this happened to your husband. It sounds like you and your family have a busy week ahead of you. Please let us know how you're doing when you have a chance.

And please take care of yourself.

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jlp

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #12 on: October 18, 2015, 02:43:06 PM »
I am so, so sorry Fuchsia.  Even when you know it's coming, it's still a shock when finally happens.  It's the emotional equivalent of losing a limb.  Please ask for as much help as you can (something I wish I had done more of) and be gentle with yourself.  One day, one hour at a time for now and lean on us.

BTW, if you have the services of a grief counselor through your hospice program, well -- I found that to be quite helpful and it's worth considering.

canadiangirl

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #13 on: October 18, 2015, 07:32:08 PM »
Fuchsia, just seeing this now.  I am so so sorry for your loss.  Come back when you are ready.  We get it.  Hugs to you and your small one.

donswife

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Re: I think I've lost him
« Reply #14 on: October 19, 2015, 07:05:46 AM »
I am so sorry , take care
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