Author Topic: 2 months, 4 days without him  (Read 2211 times)

kevsdragonfly

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2 months, 4 days without him
« on: October 24, 2015, 07:41:07 PM »
New member here.  I'm so happy that a friend told me about this forum.

Kevin was the love I'd waited for all my life.  We were together 6 years, but it seemed like I'd known him all my life.  He died suddenly of a heart attack, here in our home.  I was here and have experienced such trauma from his death.  I heard him fall but couldn't get to him.  EMTs had to break our bathroom door down, but it was too late.  I'm still in shock describing the event, and learning that he did not survive.  He was 43.  They needed to check his pulse again - he's just passed out, I told them. 

I think that, all things considered, I'm doing ok. I take life one minute, one hour at a time.  I have good moments when I can laugh about a memory, and I have complete meltdowns - at home, at work, at the grocery store.  There is no planning when it will it me in the face that he is gone.

Thank you all for understanding.  I feel I'm in a safe place here and can openly share with you all. 


Jess

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Re: 2 months, 4 days without him
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2015, 09:22:40 PM »
Welcome kevsdragonfly. I am so very sorry for your loss but so glad you found us. My husband also died very suddenly. I am now about 15 months out and describing the circumstances of my husband's death still feels surreal- like I am describing someone else's life.

What you describe as far as laughing and then meting down is where I was at 2 months. Heck, some days I still have unpredictable meltdowns, but they are often shorter and further apart. Keep taking it bit by bit and take care of yourself the best you can. Keep sharing and reading. We are here and we understand.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

kevsdragonfly

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Re: 2 months, 4 days without him
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2015, 09:28:39 AM »
Thank you, Jess.  I'm sorry for your loss as well.  Yes, sometimes it IS like I'm describing something that's happened to someone else. 

Thank you for the warm welcome. 

Justin

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Re: 2 months, 4 days without him
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2015, 10:49:41 AM »
Kevsdragonfly,

I am so sorry that you had to find us. My wife died suddenly at the age of 39 in our home, over a year ago. Sometimes, it still doesn't seem real to me.

Take things day-by-day, right now. Take the moments as they come. The pain will lessen with time.
Marsha 1975-2014

"Love is the province of the brave"

kevsdragonfly

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Re: 2 months, 4 days without him
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2015, 11:13:15 AM »
Thank you, Justin.  I'm sorry for your loss as well.  Day-by-day is all I can do right now.

Elbel66

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Re: 2 months, 4 days without him
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2015, 06:01:10 PM »
So, for the life of me , I cannot figure out how to post something on my own but am able to reply.  I am so sorry for your loss kevsdragonfly,  Tomorrow will be 2 months since I lost my husband.  It does indeed seem unreal at times.  This weekend in particular has been hard for me, for no particular reason.  I just miss his presence, his voice, his hand on my back, and on and on.  I would love if someone would tell me how I can post my own story, sorry if I am technically challenged.

WifeLess

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Re: 2 months, 4 days without him
« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2015, 06:10:12 PM »
kevsdragonfly and Elbel66: Welcome to Young Widow Forum and sorry for your losses.

Elbel66: To start a new thread/discussion, go to any of the individual forums and click on New Topic. The rest should be self explanatory.

--- WifeLess
« Last Edit: October 25, 2015, 06:14:06 PM by WifeLess »

Elbel66

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Re: 2 months, 4 days without him
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2015, 08:06:58 PM »
haha, thank you, that sounds simple enough!

Mizpah

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Re: 2 months, 4 days without him
« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2015, 10:05:36 AM »
Inconceivable is exactly what it is - you know it happened and yet how can it be?  It is unbearable.  I hope the love of those years will shine the light you need in your darkest moments.  It's just so hard.  Anything I can say is an understatement to the enormity of the devastation and sadness that we all understand.  I'm so sorry.  Take care of you as best you.  I'm wishing you moments of peace.
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Jen

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Re: 2 months, 4 days without him
« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2015, 11:23:51 AM »
(((((Hugs))))) I lost my Jim very suddenly to a pulmonary embolism in our living room, three days after his 40th birthday. That was 18+ months ago. It was and is devastating... I still look around and think, How can this possibly be my life??? We had so much more to do. We only got 5 years! It's so freaking unfair. :(

I am so, so sorry you had to look for us, but I'm glad you found us. We get it, much as we wish we didn't, and we're here. (((more hugs)))
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

kevsdragonfly

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Re: 2 months, 4 days without him
« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2015, 06:39:22 PM »
Inconceivable is exactly what it is - you know it happened and yet how can it be?  It is unbearable.  I hope the love of those years will shine the light you need in your darkest moments.  It's just so hard.  Anything I can say is an understatement to the enormity of the devastation and sadness that we all understand.  I'm so sorry.  Take care of you as best you.  I'm wishing you moments of peace.

Our stories are so similar.  Sudden, traumatic losses after only having 5 years together. Kevin was 43.   This isn't what we planned, is it?  It's not at all how I thought our life would be, and my heart breaks daily.  ((hugs)) back at you. 

Thank you all for your kindness.  My heart goes out to you all as well.

donswife

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Re: 2 months, 4 days without him
« Reply #11 on: October 26, 2015, 08:01:52 PM »
My don also died of a heart attack just over a year ago
one minute I am talking to him, the next minute he was gone
I remember every second of it 
I also remember saying out loud to who ever asked, the minute by minute way it happened
looking back I think it was my way of processing what had happened
almost to reassure myself that nothing would have changed this awful thing that happened
I did find this forum and at times it saved my life and mind so keep posting and never be afraid to share
so sorry you have to be a part of this but glad you have a place to go to
My everything