Author Topic: It's my birthday tomorrow  (Read 1246 times)

DebW

  • Guest
It's my birthday tomorrow
« on: October 26, 2015, 02:36:11 AM »
Tomorrow it's my 41st birthday, the first without my husband since I was 18. I thought I'd be OK but today has been one of those days when I just can't stop crying, I don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow. Last year he had just been diagnosed and had made plans to take me away for a romantic weekend but of course we had to cancel - he actually had his first chemo two days after my birthday. He was so upset that he wasn't going to be able to take me away, he'd planned it for ages but he was very sick. He cried on the morning of my birthday, I told him he could take me away for my next birthday. I didn't know he wouldn't be here. I have his card with a very special, beautiful message, probably the last time he could really write properly before the chemo wrecked his ability to hold a pen. At least I have that.

phil

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: It's my birthday tomorrow
« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2015, 04:38:11 AM »
so sorry for your loss,, i cried when reading as mine coming soon,, hope you get through the day ok ,, and have lots of support

Wheelerswife

  • Member
  • Posts: 1099
  • Widowed x 2.
Re: It's my birthday tomorrow
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2015, 07:40:23 AM »
DebW,
You have every right to be sad, to cry, to feel however you feel.  Losing your spouse at a young age is cruel and crushing.  I don't know how you will feel on your birthday, but many of us have found that the days leading up to "special" dates (for lack of a better word) can be harder, sometimes, than the day itself.  Somehow, we manage to find our way through these dates, each in our own way.  I've found that distraction is sometimes helpful, but invariably at some point, I will find myself with tears, sometimes in a puddle, other times just a trickle down my face.

Hugs to you...and cherish those cards and other mementos shared over the years that document, in bits of handwriting, the love you shared with your husband.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

donswife

  • Member
  • Posts: 552
Re: It's my birthday tomorrow
« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2015, 08:44:04 AM »
yes you will be sad and the tears have have a mind of their own
I am so sorry you don't have your husband with you
to have the lovely card with his handwriting and beautiful message that he wrote is such a great gift
take care
My everything

Mizpah

  • Member
  • Posts: 746
Re: It's my birthday tomorrow
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2015, 09:53:46 AM »
Oh love, my heart breaks for you.  My widow friends IRL, on each other's birthdays, instead of saying "happy birthday," would say "Birthday."  How could it be happy?  In theory only, where they can't live, so we must live doubly for them and love life twice as much for them.  But in the beginning, that just hurts, and the longing just hurts.  I'm sorry he couldn't take you and that he's not here.  I'm thinking of you.  Birthday, hon.   We know.  Sending love.
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Jen

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 1076
  • Jim: 7 April 1974-10 April 2014
Re: It's my birthday tomorrow
« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2015, 11:31:23 AM »
(((((Deb)))))

I faced my 41st without my sweet LH in September. It was so hard.. now I'm officially older than he will ever be, and it breaks my heart. It's silly, it's just a number, but still... :-\

So grateful you have the card. It's not fair. It's just not.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

Trying

  • Member
  • Posts: 1635
  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: It's my birthday tomorrow
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2015, 08:45:23 PM »
Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries are all a stark reminder of who is missing, as if we don't feel it enough every day.  I hope you have some gentle distractions to get you through the day and that you can avoid anyone who does understand that it's a hard day.
You will forever be my always.

canadiangirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 438
Re: It's my birthday tomorrow
« Reply #7 on: October 27, 2015, 07:30:38 PM »
I love what Mizpah wrote and it is perfect.  Wishing you Birthday, from up here, too.  Hope you got through the day okay.  Many of us have been there.  Your husband sounds like a fine, loving man.

lcoxwell

  • Member
  • Posts: 671
Re: It's my birthday tomorrow
« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2015, 07:53:12 PM »
I am sorry that you are having to face your birthday alone, and that you do not have your husband there to share it with you. None of this is easy, and it is so unfair that we have to face birthdays and holidays and every other day without the one person we had chosen to spend our lives with. Like others, I hope that you found the days leading up to your birthday were harder than the actual birthday, itself. Even if you didn't, I hope you found time to cherish memories of happier birthdays with your husband and that you could smile, at least once, even if it isn't the same kind of heartfelt smile you had, when he was still there with you. (((Hugs)))
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.