Specific Situations > Extreme Caregiving

Oddly happy

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I have been oddly happy. Rob died a week ago and my feels have been of both overwhelming sadness and joy. I am so relieved that he isn't in pain any more.  I think because he was sick so long I have already done a portion of the grieving. I am not angry or anything.  All I've been left with is sadness and joy. how can u be happy when my husband just died?

Hi, Fuchsia,

Perhaps what you feel is some relief?  It can be hard to actually put words on some of the feelings that we have.  I believe also that people have different perspectives on the afterlife and some folks find comfort in those beliefs.

Whatever you feel...is how you feel.  It isn't wrong, and it is likely to morph along the way.  Just keep taking care of yourself, and I hope you can find kinship here where you are free to express your thoughts and feelings.



I'll second what Maureen expressed.

You have the right to feel however you feel at any given time. For me, and many if not most fellow wids, this grieving road has been such a rollercoaster. I'm 17 months out now, and my feelings can change so quickly and seemingly without warning, from remembering something with a smile to sobbing. Good days are such a blessing when they come, and I hang on to them with the hope of more when I go through the rough days.

My husband was sick for 8 months and from his diagnosis we knew he would die. I think my grieving started on that day we were told he was stage 4 and when he died I thought actually this isn't the worst, the worst was the part that happened before. I think you may still be in a bit of shock, yes you will be feeling relief and probably that for now life is actually easier than it was when you were caring for him. I felt so lucky to have known my husband for 22 years and I also felt that I had fulfilled my purpose in life by helping, supporting and loving him. It was a privilege. But it has been just 5 months and I find things have been a bit worse lately, I am so very lonely and miss him, I miss the him he was before he got sick. When I was caring for him I was so focussed on his health, appointments for chemo, scans etc - there was not a lot of time for thinking and when I did it was unbearable so I just didn't. But I understand you will have some feelings of peace, I hope that stays with you.

I rink it might be love. When all the pain of his illness is gone all I am left with is love.  And that live makes me smile. Which feels very strange.


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