1 month coming up, ,

[phil]

 its nearly the 1st of nov. it be 1 month since my wife was taken ,, this weekend has seemed harder  im panicking a lot dizzy, its like i know jos  never coming home again, sounds messed up i know, iv cried every day,and i was going to scatter jos ashes next weekend as we was going away for my 40th and our 1st annerversary but i cant let go , friends familly keep saying you be better when you start work etc but im dreading that day, been off 5 weeks, as i work as a school caretaker i got jo a job there as a dinner lady she was only working there 2 weeks before she had phumonia,,, and at 44 we had the best 6 years together,, ,im banging diazapans etc down me , my future looks bleak without jo,, and when peaple say your lucky to find the love you had as many peaple dont at all this makes me panic more as jo was 1 in a million,, this has been hell and sorry th all the other posts for your losses,, phil

[Justin]

Phil, I am very sorry. These significant dates are really tough, just hold on and ride it out. I remember much of the panic and anxiety; facing the rest of our lives without our spouse is pretty damn scary.

The only schedule you have to follow right now is your own. You will know when you are ready to scatter Jo's ashes. There is no need to put any additional pressure on yourself.

[Wheelerswife]

Phil,
I'm so sorry that you are suffering so much.  People surrounding us really don't understand all of the turmoil and the range of emotions that we experience.  I'll echo what Justin says...this is your loss, your grief, your schedule.  It took me 18 months to bury half of my husband's ashes next to his late wife.  I still have the other half with me, even though I have a cemetery plot and a headstone here locally.  You do what YOU want, when you are ready...or never, if that is what you decide.

Hugs,

Maureen

[donswife]

Just like Justin said you do what you want , when you want
you just try and get through the day as well as you can
I had someone spread some of my dons ashes in alsaka (where he loved to fly fish)
but I still have the rest and when I am ready will spread them
I am sorry you lost your wife Jo

[Mizpah]

when peaple say your lucky to find the love you had as many peaple dont at all this makes me panic more as jo was 1 in a million

It is unbearable but we somehow somehow bear it.  I'm so sorry for your loss and the intense beyond-words pain.  We all know your feelings and are with you in spirit.  I too had extraordinary love with an extraordinary individual, and I knew from the beginning I was so lucky and always would be, even though he died.  I hope that the love you shared will bring you light and comfort rather than the opposite, as time goes forward.  For now, just survive (and don't give yourself a drug problem!).  Thinking of you.  Wishing you moments of solace.

[phil]

thanks every one ,im so glad theres a forum and i found it, you all help so much,,thank you all

[Jen]

((((Phil)))) Keep breathing. I'm so very sorry that you're going through this... the road through hell is dark and awful, but there are hands to hold along the way. Just hold on...

[phil]

thank you ,, just cried my eyes out walking around the house looking at photos,, christ  from reading posts im taking deep breaths, its like im in a preasure tank,