Specific Situations > Suicide/Addiction/Mental Illness/Abuse

Introduce Yourself - What Brought You To Specific Situations?

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Hi everyone, a beloved member of our prior board (NoEZway) started this thread some time ago, and I found it very helpful to know that I'm not alone in my Specific circumstance.

I'm Bluebird. My DH of 23 years died from the consequences of late stage alcoholism on January 13th, 2010. We have one child, a son who was 17 at the time his Dad died.

Watching my beloved husband slowly disintegrate in front our eyes and knowing that I was powerless to stop it was the most horrific experience of my life. That experience was deepened by seeing the suffering of our son, who struggled even more to understand how his father could leave him in this way.

Much growth and understanding has happened for both my son and I over the last five years. I have been blessed to fall in love again and marry my guy WifeLess, and our son is now an amazing father and young businessman. I would never have guessed either outcome in those first early years of grief.

Please pm me any time if I can be of help.

Take Care, Bluebird.

To any new survivor of suicide (SOS) member:  Welcome to Young Widow Forum.

The psychological trauma of the SOS of a loved one is classified among the most extreme that a person may ever experience. And this is made even worse when that suicide is of one's spouse, whose death is ranked as the single most emotionally stressful event in an adult's life.

There are a number of us here who bear the extraordinary burden of the SOS widow(er), and I am among them. After 28 years together, I lost my wife to suicide in 2009. She had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and during the decades we were together experienced several major depressive episodes, the last of which she did not survive. Not only she, but her family too had an extensive history of mental illness and suicide stretching back several generations. At least 5 of her family members completed suicide, including her younger brother, a few aunts and uncles, and a grandparent. And a number of others needed medication for depression and/or psychiatric hospitalization, including 2 of her siblings, her mother and several aunts. It became clear long ago that the predisposition to mental illness they all suffered from was biochemically based and genetically inherited.

I have accepted that my wife's suicide was not about me or even her life circumstances. It was about illness. If medical science has learned anything in recent decades, it is that so many psychological/behavioral problems stem from physiological/biochemical abnormalities of the brain, many of which are genetically inherited. And if I learned anything during the past several decades with my wife, it is that clinical depression is a serious illness just as real as any other life-threatening illness, like heart disease or cancer. Unfortunately, it happens to be classified as mental illness, which makes it appear different. My wife died of a disease of the brain that impaired her thinking and her judgement. I take some comfort in accepting that she died, not by choice, but of natural causes.

So that is a short summary of my story. If you are an SOS widow(er) pease feel free to share yours on this Board as well. Sorry for the traumatic loss that brought you here.

--- WifeLess

Linda L:
I'm Linda, and lost my DH to suicide from a GSW to the chest (in my presence) in January 2003.  I have often said since that I wouldn't wish this journey on my worst enemy.  Suicide adds such layers to grief, and complicates everything.  Not to mention the stigma, guilt, and blame.  The other board saved my sanity by connecting me with others who survived this, and I hope I have been able to help those behind me on this journey. 

I'm Grace and my beautiful Elle died by suicide when she was 26 and I 27. We were the ultimate lesbian power couple with high flying City jobs, the ones who people remembered, the ones who people wanted to hang out with, but also the ones with lots going on behind closed doors. Elle had a history of depression, although not a severe one, but she did have a diagnosis of Churg Strauss Disease which has survival rates worse than most cancers. It took its toll on her body and mind, amongst other factors.

We met when we were 21 at university. She was my first girlfriend, my first love, and we married 5 months before she took her life. I'll never forget the horror of finding her (she hung herself, and I still find it odd typing that word out), the trauma it has caused me, but life is good again although I'd obviously rather have her in it in real life, rather than just in my heart.

It's been a tough ride, especially receiving the brunt of the blame from friends and family, but I know in my heart that my wife loved me, I loved her, and it was mental illness that took her away from me. I'll always have good memories because she was such gorgeous company, although a total hilarious bitch sometimes. Oh how I miss her, but I'm moving forward, with thanks to support from this board and some special others (and wine).

I lost my husband to suicide in April 2013. We'd been married for only 15 months, and he'd only been in the US for 4 months (he was from England, I'm from the US), and while I'll never know for sure, I sometimes think that he thought that running away to America for a new start would undo all of things he'd struggled with for so long. He so desperately wanted to make a new life for himself that he lied about his work and his treatment - all things I didn't find out until after he died. I don't think the lies were malicious, though. He just wanted things to be different.

It's been a difficult two years, but I do have good memories (in spite of all the crap), and I continue to chug along and do the best I can to take care of myself. The people I've met through this group are truly wonderful people, and I am eternally grateful to them for helping me to get to where I am today.


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