Author Topic: I am a mess...  (Read 2691 times)


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I am a mess...
« on: March 12, 2015, 04:21:54 PM »
My 17 year old son just received his college acceptance letters today.  I can't stop crying.  I am so happy for him but I am so profoundly sad that his dad isn't here.  This is so unfair.  And now I have to figure out the financials and the logistics by myself - something that was suppose to be his job.  And I am terrified because my son is so emotionally unstable right now that his therapist and I have discussed delaying college until we can get him back on solid ground.  I am just overwhelmed with emotion right now and that is usually not me.  Thanks for letting me vent here.


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Re: I am a mess...
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2015, 07:01:38 PM »
Congratulations to your son and to you for being a great mom!  It is such an emotional time for both of you, my oldest graduated last year so I can totally relate to all of the mixed emotions and concerns.
You will forever be my always.


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Re: I am a mess...
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2015, 07:11:35 PM »
Congratulations to your son!

Have you talked with the counseling office at his high school to see if they can help you figure out the financial stuff and maybe even help you arrange a delayed entrance to the school (if that proves necessary).

I taught high school. Counselors are there to help with that sort of thing.

One day at a time. Today be proud of you both!
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Re: I am a mess...
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2015, 08:44:30 PM »
Congratulations Mangomom!

Cindy passed the month after our son graduated from high school. Our daughter graduated from college a year later. I can appreciate what you wrote. (((Mangomom))) It would be nice if the college wasn't too far away from you. Far enough away for him to live there and have some independence, but close enough (1-2 hour drive) that you can see each other whenever you want to. I think that most colleges do offer counseling, or he would still be close enough to see his therapist occasionally. My daughter's college was a 7-1/2 hour drive. My son's college is about a 50 minute drive. I'm glad that we are able to see each other so often. I'm very glad that we were able to see each other so much during that 1st year of college. I did help him so much.
Grateful for the past. Embracing the present. Trusting in the future.


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Re: I am a mess...
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2015, 09:05:18 PM »
Kenneth passed away two months before our son graduated from high school.  I remember posting about it on the old board, saying how he should have been there.  I'm sorry you are a mess, and just wanted you to know I hear you.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.


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Re: I am a mess...
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2015, 09:08:27 PM »
I am right there with you.  My oldest is a senior and we are waiting for one more college decision, of course it is his first choice.  Mine as well since it is only an hour away.  He is also having a particularly hard time right now with anger and it is all coming to a head.  He has finally agreed to see a therapist again.  I am hoping we can get him back on solid ground before college as well.

And FAFSA...amen to FU!
Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us everyday.
Unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear.


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Re: I am a mess...
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2015, 09:20:51 PM »
Thanks everyone for your replies and support.  I was really caught off guard by the rush of uncontrolled crying.  I am SO not like that.  Poor kid thought I was crying about him leaving.  I told him that we raised him knowing that he would be moving out to continue his life and I am ecstatic that he is being given the opportunity.  I am just sad because this would have been such a proud moment for his dad.  We then promptly went out and celebrated with a great dinner and dessert 😊

I am leary because, of the three letters he got today, the one he wants is about 3 hours away.  I am hoping that he ultimately chooses one of the others that are only an hour.  That way, if he does go in the fall, I can always meet him for dinner when he needs it, and not have to make it an overnight venture.  And potentially, he can come home to meet his therapist regularly if needed.

Parenting a grieving child is not for the faint of heart.


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Re: I am a mess...
« Reply #7 on: March 13, 2015, 12:21:42 AM »
Big, big hugs to you.  I have a sophomore and will be there soon enough.  Your pride is so evident - I know he's got to be a great kid!  Big hug to you both. 
"I always knew looking back on my tears would bring me laughter, but I never knew looking back on my laughter would make me cry." ~Cat Stevens


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Re: I am a mess...
« Reply #8 on: March 13, 2015, 01:19:41 AM »
Congratulations to your son! ((hugs)) to you! I think it would be difficult to watch your child leave for college, but under the circumstances it's even more emotional. My oldest is a sophomore, so I have a couple of years. I cried at her boyfriend's graduation ceremony. I kept thinking about her graduating without her dad there to watch her accept her diploma.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss


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Re: I am a mess...
« Reply #9 on: March 13, 2015, 01:38:22 PM »
Oh I know how you feel ... okay well actually I don't. My daughter is a senior and I got her cap and gown pics the other day in the mail and I just bawled like a baby. Luckily she is attending an Early Middle College High School, and they have what they call Super Seniors or 5th year students to continue taking college classes (free tuition and books).  So I get to dip my toe in without going whole hog.  The loss is so much keener at times like this and you're also feeling that loss for your son too.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter


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Re: I am a mess...
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2015, 10:36:10 PM »
Hugs to you Mango mom. My 10 year old is graduating from elementary school this June and I am already a sad mess. No one to come and celebrate...most of my family (and husband) are gone.
Reality has set...thawing in life.


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Re: I am a mess...
« Reply #11 on: March 18, 2015, 08:51:14 AM »
Big hugs, I'm relating to your post as my senior son's decisions will come soon too.  This is so hard as the only parent. 
More (((hugs))) 
Have I told you lately how much I love you?