Author Topic: Advice from a DGI  (Read 4225 times)

Jess

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Re: Advice from a DGI
« Reply #15 on: November 13, 2015, 08:07:58 AM »
I lost all of my trust in the future when my husband died without warning. For me, I am much more focused on my now. I do have plans for the future that I am excited about, but even just last night I was reduced to tears thinking about all the things that could happen to stop those plans from happening.

We all know she meant well, but I think she just missed the fact that when your future you trusted has been ripped away once, it  becomes like that saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I think it is hard to understand that aspect of widowhood if you are not standing in those shoes every day.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

Jen

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Re: Advice from a DGI
« Reply #16 on: November 15, 2015, 04:39:34 PM »
Jess, you summed it up perfectly. Trust in the future? What future? I can manage about 3 months at a time. After that, it's pretty much a blank. For now that's okay.

I can accept that pain is a part of life. Suffering might even be unavoidable. "Life is pain... anyone who says differently is selling something." I get that, I do. And I know I'm not special; my pain is no worse than lots of people's, and probably a lot less than most. Nevertheless, it is my pain, my story, and to have it brushed aside with what felt like a useless platitude-- even though it was from someone that I'm completely convinced would never intentionally hurt me-- stings. It's easy to tell someone to buck up, things will get better-- hell, I'm guilty of it too. And I'm not just sitting around waiting for a new life to come find me-- I'm trying to rebuild. But trust anything, or anyone? Not likely. Not anytime soon.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

sojourner

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Re: Advice from a DGI
« Reply #17 on: November 15, 2015, 07:02:32 PM »
Yes- platitudes suck and that's TRUTH. Been on both ends of them... of course have a different perspective now, but I know why people pull them out out because I've been guilty. And yes... On this end they still suck. I don't want in any way to not acknowledge or diminish that for your interaction with her, Jen.

Jen

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Re: Advice from a DGI
« Reply #18 on: November 15, 2015, 09:24:46 PM »
Hugs. Thank you; I appreciate that more that you know.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

Freelancing

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Re: Advice from a DGI
« Reply #19 on: December 17, 2015, 12:01:46 PM »
"Trust in the Future" works for me at 8 3/4 yrs out. I didn't trust in anything back then except that grief would be my constant companion for years to come.
As pushy as I got with myself I tried not to think about major issues concerning my life. I just lived day by day did my grief work till things started coming together on their own. By that time, I was ready to take the reigns again.
Yeah, there were many times of difficulty and many times I wanted to run rampant when I was spurred with that "fuck it" feeling. Learning self control was a pisser - I had to force myself into not taking action as well as learn to clear my thoughts. It did make me feel better that I didn't have to tackle everything at once.
Hope this helps  ;)
« Last Edit: December 17, 2015, 07:36:12 PM by Freelancing »

Torn

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Re: Advice from a DGI
« Reply #20 on: December 18, 2015, 02:50:56 AM »
Well, I gotta ask aside from the obvious fact that the DGI is an abbreviation :
Dumb
Gentleman
I know
  Psssssst what's it mean??

   Its so simple for people to say the most ignorant things,and oddly I often think they mean to help.

   I try to not take it all so serious and realize they haven't experienced "my loss",so they have no clue what to say or do.
    Bless each of you,I'm hoping to have a little better day,then yesterday & I wish that for you all aswell.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Oscar Levant

Jen

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Re: Advice from a DGI
« Reply #21 on: December 18, 2015, 12:23:02 PM »
DGI= Don't Get It

You're right, I think they mean to help, but they're largely clueless. :(
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

Torn

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Re: Advice from a DGI
« Reply #22 on: December 19, 2015, 03:38:42 PM »
Thankya maam ;)

DGI= Don't Get It

You're right, I think they mean to help, but they're largely clueless. :(
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Oscar Levant

hikermom

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Re: Advice from a DGI
« Reply #23 on: December 23, 2015, 03:40:45 PM »
For me, if I wanted change, I had to decide within myself I need a big change, and start trying to think of ways to make it happen, and take actions in my life to change things toward some kind of goal, even if the goal was vague and the end result foggy and unknown.  Maybe some people have benefited from chance and good things just happen and the direction of their life alters with no cause of it coming from themselves.  But I've found that hope, trust, and waiting are not reliable ways to make good things happen in life, and so platitudes like that are unhelpful (in my view).
This is so true and resonates with me right now. I feel this way and when I'm operating in this mode, I'm much better off. Lately I've gotten more reactionary or immobile. I think I still struggle to maintain the energy needed to change, particularly at times like the holidays when so much energy - emotional, physical and psychic - is needed.

I may need to cut this quote out and send it to myself for January 2 as a reminder to get my ass in gear and focus on change again.
here is the deepest secret nobody knows ...
and this is the wonder that?s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
~ e.e.cummings