Author Topic: recurring nightmare  (Read 885 times)


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  • Widowed 11/23/13 Joined YWBB 12/2/13
recurring nightmare
« on: November 12, 2015, 07:20:42 AM »
So all the times I WANTED to dream about Chad I never could. Now, this month is the anniversary of his death and his birthday and I've been having a particularly hard time and missing him more, every thought seeming to surround him.  Last night, I dreamed he came back.  And was drinking.  Heavily. Every single opportunity he got. Driving with the kids.  Camping at the beach. All the trauma of dealing with his alcoholism was tangible and real and woke me up at 530 shaking.  I remember screaming "I was better off single. I was better off with you dead" at his face :(

I don't know how much I can take of this ...
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter


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  • Widowed: August 2009 Remarried: June 2013
Re: recurring nightmare
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2015, 07:26:37 PM »

From what you write, it seems clear to me that you are "missing him" but not "all the trauma of dealing with his alcoholism", which is certainly understandable. It is not contradictory to love our spouse but hate their illness and the havoc it once caused. And this is especially true for many of us who post regularly in this section of the board.

Sorry you are having these distressing nightmares. I hope they soon subside.

--- WifeLess