Author Topic: Missing him on our 5th anniversary...  (Read 1008 times)

jenni_s

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Missing him on our 5th anniversary...
« on: November 20, 2015, 06:17:46 PM »
I don't post much anymore but I lurk occasionally. Today should have been my 5th wedding anniversary with my sweet Nathan. It's harder than I was expecting. I remarried in May and I'm happy with my new husband but I struggle with honoring my late husband without disrespecting my living one. I'm struggling today in particular. I miss him. 5 years ago right now, we were sitting on our couch in our living room opening our wedding gifts. He had his first round of chemotherapy the day before our wedding, so he wasn't feeling particularly well, but we enjoyed our quiet evening at home, together.
My husband been quiet today, he knows I need my space to grieve and I appreciate it.
I know some of you can relate. How do you balance grieving your dead spouse without disrespecting your living one?

Wheelerswife

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  • Widowed x 2.
Re: Missing him on our 5th anniversary...
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2015, 06:38:39 PM »
Hi, jenni_s.

Loving your late spouse never disrespects your living spouse.  Sometimes, we grieve, even years down the road. "Special" dates are probably the biggest triggers.  It seems that your current husband has some understanding of this.  This is just a part of our lives now.  If your living husband hasn't been widowed, you might need to reassure him that he is primary in your life...and he is your present and future, but you still had a past and your past has pain and loss.  You can't be expected to forget your past...the highs and the lows.

I hope you can hold onto the good memories on your anniversary.

Hugs,

Maureen
« Last Edit: November 20, 2015, 11:16:32 PM by Wheelerswife »
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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jenni_s

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Re: Missing him on our 5th anniversary...
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2015, 07:17:38 PM »
Thank you! Yes, new husband is wonderful. I'm very lucky. Significant dates are always triggers. And he tries to comfort me, but I think he's finally realized even though he doesn't like to see me sad, there's nothing he can do but let me have my time and I think that makes our future better. I get to remember and honor my past but it reminds me how lucky I am to have found love not once but twice in my short life.
Thank you for the support tonight!!

Trying

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  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: Missing him on our 5th anniversary...
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2015, 09:56:47 PM »
I'm glad that new husband is understanding and gives you space at times like this.  I understand the struggle you feel but I think that when we honor our love and life with our late spouse it shows our capacity to love deeply.  That is something that should comfort anyone new we love.
You will forever be my always.