Author Topic: One month from tomorrow...  (Read 2498 times)

Alexswife

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One month from tomorrow...
« on: March 13, 2015, 05:21:20 AM »
will be what should have been our 3rd wedding anniversary. We never celebrated one together. The top of our wedding cake still sits in the freezer at my parents house, our wedding scrapbook remains undone. I haven't watched the video since he died. The last time we watched the video, we sat in my old bedroom with my whole family and watched it. He held me in his arms, we both cried happy tears because the love we shared was so amazing.

Almost three years later and he's gone. I won't go to work on our anniversary because it will be to hard. Part of me just wants to lay in the bed and cry but another part of wants to check my nieces out of school and go on a day trip. That way I will be distracted.

I don't know what to do. It's so hard without him.
There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.
 For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his. - Hebrews 4:7-8
Alex 1/31/91-7/19/12

gracelet

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Re: One month from tomorrow...
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2015, 05:50:55 AM »
hugs to you, Alexswife.

I'm on a different timescale but I'm similar to you - the top of my wedding cake is in my mother's fridge, waiting for the birth of the firstborn child we'll never have, I haven't started the scrapbook for which Elle cut out photos before she died, and I haven't even had the official photos printed although I have seen them online.  It's too painful right now and I need to protect my heart.

Why can't you do both crying and distracting?  Spend the morning sobbing, get it out, then distract yourself.  Do something nice.  Buy a treat.  Cuddle your nieces and watch the excitement on their faces as you take them somewhere exciting.

More hugs.

G x
Musings of this sarcastic but upbeat young widow can be read here : www.eerilycheerily.com

MissingSquish

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Re: One month from tomorrow...
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2015, 05:35:48 PM »
I agree with Grace. You can totally do both. Sending you peace and hugs.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

Alexswife

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Re: One month from tomorrow...
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2015, 07:14:44 PM »
Thank you both. I like the idea of having my time and then going off and trying to escape.
There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.
 For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his. - Hebrews 4:7-8
Alex 1/31/91-7/19/12

Wheelerswife

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Re: One month from tomorrow...
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2015, 09:23:34 PM »
Alexswife, I got to have 2 anniversaries with my polarbear, but in 11 days, I will observe the second one he has missed.  It must be even harder not to have been able to celebrate at all.  Hugs to you!

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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hikermom

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Re: One month from tomorrow...
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2015, 09:07:24 PM »
I have nothing to offer but hugs and admiration for how far you have come. I have followed your journey and know how hard you have worked to put one foot in front of the other. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You will get through this milestone, as you have others.

I hope you know how much people here care about you. (((Alexswife)))
here is the deepest secret nobody knows ...
and this is the wonder that?s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
~ e.e.cummings

lcoxwell

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Re: One month from tomorrow...
« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2015, 12:40:03 PM »
In the fourteen months that I have been a member of this community and reading your posts, I have grown to have nothing but respect for you. I really have no words of comfort, but wanted you to know that you will make it through this anniversary, as you have other anniversaries before. I know it sucks, and I am so sorry you didn't even get to celebrate one anniversary with your Alex.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

Alexswife

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Re: One month from tomorrow...
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2015, 09:35:42 PM »
Thanks for all of the support. I spent our anniversary laying in bed watching netflix and crying. It was a horrible day but I survived. I miss him so much. In less than two months it will be three years since he left. Where did all of that time go? It seems like yesterday. My life has changed so much since that day but the pain stays the same. It's always with me, never fading. I love him more than I could ever express.
There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.
 For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his. - Hebrews 4:7-8
Alex 1/31/91-7/19/12

Jen

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Re: One month from tomorrow...
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2015, 06:26:55 PM »
(((((((HUGS)))))))))
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

Baylee627

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Re: One month from tomorrow...
« Reply #9 on: May 25, 2015, 06:21:25 PM »
I'm so sorry, AW. My upcoming 3rd wedding anniversary looms at the end of June. We celebrated only one wedding anniversary together.

As I read your posts, each one paints the portrait of how lovestruck your marriage was and is.

Wedding anniversaries are just tragic spent without the one who gave that day meaning.

Hugs and hand pats, lil lady.

Baylee




Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

BrokenHeart2

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Re: One month from tomorrow...
« Reply #10 on: May 25, 2015, 07:42:17 PM »
Hugs...... What more is there to say. Widowhood sucks.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.