Author Topic: I don't know how to do this  (Read 2073 times)

Fuchsia

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I don't know how to do this
« on: November 22, 2015, 09:14:17 PM »
Its been 5 weeks since I lost my sweet husband.  It's been nearly 3 years since his cancer started.  I'm in hell.  I don't know how to find the strength to do this.  I don't know how I made it through the last 3 years!  Where did I get that strength?  How can I find it again?  How can I even care to find a way to live...not just exist?  I'm going through the motions.  All I really manage to do is be a mom and even that's a struggle.  I want to curl up in my bed and just never get up.  My friends and family drag me back to life every day.  If not for them I'd probably be in bed right now.  I just don't know how to keep going.

ssdad

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2015, 09:48:45 PM »
I'm so sorry for your pain. It's been 12 weeks since my husband died. Lots of numbness and going through the motions for me. I am finding that everyone has a different experience. I don't know if it's helpful, but I have found comfort in various websites and books and just talking to friends. It's still shit on the weekends and at night and driving alone. Hugs and just a note to say I commiserate with you.

Wheelerswife

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2015, 09:50:03 PM »
Fuchsia,

At 5 weeks out, it is still all about survival.  You are doing just that...and more...if you are parenting children.  Everything you are feeling is very normal.  It seems you have support.  Let your family and friends help you, but set your own limits if it is too much.  Right now, it is all about putting one foot in front of the other.  You are probably exhausted after three years of fighting cancer.  You will do this.  We all did.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

Fuchsia

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2015, 09:50:54 PM »
I worry that my friends are going to get tired of having to listen to me blubber and be sad.  I don't want to burden them with this.  But at the same time I can't stop talking to them about it.  Sigh. Am such a mess.

Wheelerswife

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2015, 10:01:16 PM »
Fuchsia,

Maybe this can help you. 

http://widda.org/index.php/topic,7.0.html

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

Fuchsia

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2015, 10:38:12 PM »
Thank you. That is very helpful.

Jen

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2015, 10:47:29 AM »
Hugs and more hugs. I am so, so sorry you had to join us... please keep talking. We hear you, and we get it.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

lcoxwell

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2015, 06:27:33 PM »
I am so very sorry that you are feeling like you are in hell, right now. I so often wish I could erase the pain, and make things better, especially for those, who are in the first few weeks and months of this horrible journey. I spent 13 years as an extreme caregiver, making critical decisions and running on fumes, in order to take care of my beloved husband. And then he was gone, and I could barely get out of the bed in the morning. As others have said, right now, you are in survival mode. Don't try to take on the world, just yet. For now, just do what you must, to take care of yourself and to get through the day. Eventually, you will realize that you do have what it takes to live again, and not just merely exist; but that takes time.

For now, just know that there are people here, who are always willing to listen and to support you. We know what it is like, to feel we are overburdening our friends, and we know what it is like to feel that desperate need to talk about the one person we loved more than any other, who is no longer with us. Come here as often as you need. We understand, and we will never, ever get tired of you sharing here.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

Prov31cadet

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2015, 07:19:47 PM »
Oh, Sweetie, everything you are feeling is normal. I think we all were a mess at one point. I know I can be a hot mess at times. Survival mode for me was eating out for about four months. I do not like McDonalds very much now!😀 I'm so glad you have a good support system. Continue to rely on them. They have seen you be a caretaker, and all that you have gone through...they won't give up on you, and we won't here either! You can do this!! Sending you hugs!

Fuchsia

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2015, 10:49:41 PM »
I just miss him so much.  I miss just sitting and talking with him.  It gets so lonely.  He was my best friend.

Amor

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #10 on: November 24, 2015, 02:58:46 PM »
Fuchsia,
My heart goes out to you.  Be kind to yourself.  Do what you need to do which sometimes is resting, grief will wear you out.  Please take care of yourself.  I never stop talking about my Love.  This is one of my coping strategies I guess.
One person on use to have this quote on their board for a long time which helped me through many days.

If you find yourself in hell keep going.  (Unknown)

Trying

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #11 on: November 25, 2015, 06:38:39 AM »
You used up all of your strength reserves during your husbands 3 year battle with cancer, now you need time to build it back up.  Let the friends and family help as much as they are willing now because they won't be there forever and now is when you need them.  Now is your time to grieve, take care of your needs and those of your children.  Let others cook, shop, clean and run the kids around whenever possible.  Blubber and talk about him all you need to, it has to be let out.
You will forever be my always.

br0peth

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Re: I don't know how to do this
« Reply #12 on: November 25, 2015, 10:23:00 AM »
Friends will do that.  That's what they are supposed to do.

Keep talking and share your story.  This is a time for yourself.  Get to know you again.  3 years of dealing with cancer sucks. I had 5 of it with my wife so I understand.

Step back, look at yourself and figure what you need.  Rely on people to help you.  Your kid needs you now more than ever.  That's what your husband would want you to do.  Take care of yourself.

This board has been great.  Talk.

I'm here if you need anything.
Dan